She didn’t see that 😞

Arrived home. Don't know if I'll make it to the 2nd interview. 😀

Drove home, listened to Spotify, tears came off again.

"I don't care. The bad things disappear as long as I'm with my baby."

Wat da heck!!! 🤬 This is why I don't wanna use Spotify for now. I'm giving it to Cha. Hope she'll use it para di sayang. 😞

——-

I realized something. Maybe, that's why Cha decided to break up with me is because I couldn't get a place for us. She needs her own space, I fully knew it. But I don't have the capacity to rent 12k/month plus electricity and water as of the moment. 😫 If we don't have planned travels and no excessive use of credit card, I will be able to get one. However, I don't wanna let her stay here now because she'll not be able to concentrate in studying. Her parents don't want to rent out the one room in their condo either, just because they don't like me. 😤 I-WILL-PAY. NOT-A-FREE-LOADER. I-HAVE-WORK-FYI.

Also, I invested half of the loan I got from SSS to stocks and UITF. I am investing for our future. But I guess, she didn't see that. 😓

Moreover, I sold my Pag Ibig account, instead of using it to buy our own house & lot, to help my parents pay their debt in exchange of 200k cash. My plan is to use this cash for our show money for AU (and possible TW) - 100k each. But I guess she didn't see that too. 😓

I was also applying actively, sending my CVs to former colleagues for better chance of acceptance, so that I can get a higher pay. Then be able to rent a place for us. But that one, she also didn't see that. 😓

I know that her transpo expense from here costs her 8k/month. I already computed it long time ago. I just didn't have the courage to tell her, "I'll give you transpo allowance everyday". Big chance, she'll reject it. And there are days even I, don't have money. It is shameful if I told this to her but unable to give any. 😞 And it's only a joke when I tell her she'll give me allowance when I don't have money anymore. I have money kept in cabinet. Also, I have money kept in my mom. Seems like, she didn't see that also.

What can I do... I'm really not good at talking. My words got mixed up and sometimes, are not actually what I really mean. 😞 I can only put everything into actions. Maybe, she didn't see all that. 😢

——-

God, have you seen all my sufferings and sacrifices? I hope You do appreciate all my hardwork until now. 😕 Wala ng ibang nilalang na makaka-appreciate sa existence ko, kundi Kayo nalang. 😢 Meron siguro, aswang. So that they can eat me. 😅

——-

2nd night I've been crying. I might cry again later. And wake up in the middle of the night then shed another tears. It's now becoming normal every time I remember any memory I have with her. 4 years?! It's a lot for me! 😫 If only I have a magic eraser, I will just erase this 4 years with her from my mind so that I don't have to cry anymore. 🥺