Pag naaalala ko yung mga panahon na akala ko okay kami. Masaya sya, masaya ako, masaya kami magkasama nag-ddate. Yun pala yung mga panahon na niloloko na pala nya ko. Mga panahon na tinu-two time na nya ko.
Di na ko nalulungkot kapag naaalala ko yun. Nagagalit ako. Nagagalit ako dahil ang tanga tanga ko nun. I was so loyal and faithful sa kanya, pero for all those years, niloloko na nya ko.
Ito yung mga memories na bigla pumipigil sakin na mag decide kapag feel ko na gusto ko sya pakasalanan. Hindi na dapat ako magpadalos dalos. I should let her wait for at least 2 years. Kasi sa totoo lang, it's more than 2 years na sya nagloloko - with different men.
Let's say she has changed for the better. And I believe on that. However, it's still early to decide. Ayaw ko na lokohin at saktan ulit by the same person whom I used to dedicate my life to. I don't want to make the same mistake again.
If she's really the one, the Universe and God will tell me. But for now, it's okay that I love her and she loves me. Taking the next step should be postponed.
Kelangan ko unahin lagi sarili ko. I don't want to be in debt because of anyone. I will put myself first above anything/anyone else. And it's really time.
So help me God.
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, March 26, 2020
Saturday, March 14, 2020
Not again
I got to rest.
I'm tired.
I don't wanna hurt チャ again.
And I don't wanna get hurt again.
I'm not the same person anymore, the Rove in previous years who was very devoted and kept on fighting for チャ no matter how tired or devastated I was. Now, I don't mind. Maybe because I made a resolution last Jul 2019 that I will no longer blindly chase チャ and will always choose myself first. That there are always better fishes in the sea.
I tried putting my guard down and trusted someone completely. Then after a short time, I was blown away. I was caught off guard. When you are finally learning to entrust yourself to someone, life suddenly gives you a zap. You are now thinking, "I should have never put my guard down even for a short time."
I know 100% for several weeks already that チャ has changed. This is why started entrusting my finances to her. I will only entrust my finances to someone whom I want to be with for the rest of my life. But again, maybe it's not the right time yet, or maybe she's not the woman I am destined to marry.
And again, I'm tired. I don't wanna fight for her anymore.
I don't wanna hurt her again.
And I don't wanna get hurt again.
——
My head hurts..since last night. I’d rather have bruises in my body than in my head. The pain when someone pulled your hair so hard, it’s the same pain when someone smashed your head to the wall. I don’t wanna be a battered husband. No. I love myself. I don’t wanna get married with チャ. If she cannot control herself and is already battering me when we’re just in a relationship, how much more when we get married? She can do more. Worst, she might hit my head with a baseball bat. I’m scared for my life. I cannot tolerate someone battering me because I won’t keep down. And when I retaliate, I might hurt the person.
I'm tired.
I don't wanna hurt チャ again.
And I don't wanna get hurt again.
I'm not the same person anymore, the Rove in previous years who was very devoted and kept on fighting for チャ no matter how tired or devastated I was. Now, I don't mind. Maybe because I made a resolution last Jul 2019 that I will no longer blindly chase チャ and will always choose myself first. That there are always better fishes in the sea.
I tried putting my guard down and trusted someone completely. Then after a short time, I was blown away. I was caught off guard. When you are finally learning to entrust yourself to someone, life suddenly gives you a zap. You are now thinking, "I should have never put my guard down even for a short time."
I know 100% for several weeks already that チャ has changed. This is why started entrusting my finances to her. I will only entrust my finances to someone whom I want to be with for the rest of my life. But again, maybe it's not the right time yet, or maybe she's not the woman I am destined to marry.
And again, I'm tired. I don't wanna fight for her anymore.
I don't wanna hurt her again.
And I don't wanna get hurt again.
——
My head hurts..since last night. I’d rather have bruises in my body than in my head. The pain when someone pulled your hair so hard, it’s the same pain when someone smashed your head to the wall. I don’t wanna be a battered husband. No. I love myself. I don’t wanna get married with チャ. If she cannot control herself and is already battering me when we’re just in a relationship, how much more when we get married? She can do more. Worst, she might hit my head with a baseball bat. I’m scared for my life. I cannot tolerate someone battering me because I won’t keep down. And when I retaliate, I might hurt the person.
Forget about love.
Don’t be martyr.
Kung dati, natatakot ako mahalin sya at pagkatiwalaan ulit dahil baka saktan ako ulit at lokohin..
Ngayon, natatakot na ko mahalin pa sya dahil baka saktan ako ulit at bugbugin..
——
I know チャ has anxiety and depression that’s why I’m doing my best to have long patience. Maybe this is the reason why I am still around and not leaving her since the beginning. But I don’t know till when I can take it. My friends already told me that I was martyr. I was cheated on and physically abused, but still, I am still making myself available for her - to help her and support her. I’m no superman. Until when... if the person herself doesn’t want to get help from the experts. I’m not a psychiatrist nor a ward nurse. I can only retaliate in the least damaging I can try.
My only desire now is チャ’s wellness.
And my prayers: that she’ll be healed whatever pain she may have, at matagpuan na nya katapat nya.
——
I know チャ has anxiety and depression that’s why I’m doing my best to have long patience. Maybe this is the reason why I am still around and not leaving her since the beginning. But I don’t know till when I can take it. My friends already told me that I was martyr. I was cheated on and physically abused, but still, I am still making myself available for her - to help her and support her. I’m no superman. Until when... if the person herself doesn’t want to get help from the experts. I’m not a psychiatrist nor a ward nurse. I can only retaliate in the least damaging I can try.
My only desire now is チャ’s wellness.
And my prayers: that she’ll be healed whatever pain she may have, at matagpuan na nya katapat nya.
Morning thoughts
Sana kahapon pa ko bumyahe. Another day wasted waiting for someone who will only keep your hopes high.
Di kana nadala talaga Rove. Hanggang kelan mo ba papayagan sya na saktan ka ng pauliw ulit? You don't deserve it. Never wait in vain. There's someone out there who deserve to be waited by you.
You're about to entrust your life to チャ completely but something went up. Does it mean God or life kept me from going on further to save me?
Enough of this madness! Wake up Rove!
Resume working your ass off. Start building your empire. Your future queen will soon arrive without you noticing it. Don't think about lovelife nor relationships for now. You are loyal, faithful, respectable, hardworking, and devoted. Soon, the most deserving one will arrive and appreciate all the things you have and not have. Remember: チャ wasn't there when you experienced hell, that's why don't expect her to be there during the ups and downs. She'll give up on you anytime.
One step at a time, be a responsible furparent. Attend to your pets' needs. Finish your school, don't skip a semester. Let your travels adjust. Be active in stocks trading than wasting your time dating just anyone. When you become rich, the most beautiful and respectable woman will come to you for sure. Groom yourself first.
So help me God.
P.S. I was about to seek help from チャ about my online activities today. But I guess, I got to start looking for someone who is willing to help me.
Di kana nadala talaga Rove. Hanggang kelan mo ba papayagan sya na saktan ka ng pauliw ulit? You don't deserve it. Never wait in vain. There's someone out there who deserve to be waited by you.
You're about to entrust your life to チャ completely but something went up. Does it mean God or life kept me from going on further to save me?
Enough of this madness! Wake up Rove!
Resume working your ass off. Start building your empire. Your future queen will soon arrive without you noticing it. Don't think about lovelife nor relationships for now. You are loyal, faithful, respectable, hardworking, and devoted. Soon, the most deserving one will arrive and appreciate all the things you have and not have. Remember: チャ wasn't there when you experienced hell, that's why don't expect her to be there during the ups and downs. She'll give up on you anytime.
One step at a time, be a responsible furparent. Attend to your pets' needs. Finish your school, don't skip a semester. Let your travels adjust. Be active in stocks trading than wasting your time dating just anyone. When you become rich, the most beautiful and respectable woman will come to you for sure. Groom yourself first.
So help me God.
P.S. I was about to seek help from チャ about my online activities today. But I guess, I got to start looking for someone who is willing to help me.
The true queen of my life
Have self-respect. You deserve a woman who will respect and value you, not a person who treat you like a punchingbag. You've been there, and you wouldn't want to go back to the same lifestyle. You deserve a woman who will not taunt you and change you into a beast, but a woman who can make the best version of yourself. You are not a battered husband, you will never be. So don't let anyone make you like that.
There's someone out there who can take care of you and not treat you like you're always in a boxing match. Someday, the true queen will arrive in your life the least you expected it. One day, when you meet her, you will just know and say to yourself, "My queen, finally I found you. Let me serve you with all my life."
Good luck and God bless R!
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