Plans and dreams

I had a discussion with my mom last night.

Prior to that, in the afternoon, I texted her that I would like to work abroad - anywhere and any work even a factory worker. I asked for an agency.

Then we talked that night.

They don't like me working abroad as it's quite difficult. They want me to start my own business. She said, they will provide the capital.

I told her why I want to go abroad - get rich! I told her that when in the Philippines, in order to get rich, you either work abroad or have your own business. I don't want to be an employee forever, all I do is to make my company and bosses rich and not me. 😒

Then she asked me, "Anong business ba gusto mo itayo?" I told her my wildest dreams - backpackers inn and a restaurant. She said to start small. She suggested food carts. Instead of franchising, I can set my own store name. I thought of kwek kwek since I love it and people love it! She added fried squid, the one she saw in TV (My Puhunan). I told her, I can put it in the bridge beside our office building since there's no kwek kwek there. And she told me to inquire the monthly rental fee. And that I will do next week.

On the other hand, she told me that one of her tenants is an admin in Eastwood mall foodcourt. I can set another one there. Another one, she will inquire in the upcoming foodcourt in front of Sta Lucia along Marcos Highway.

She said, they wanted me to handle it, own it, and manage it. And she will help me with the capital. She said, I only need around 100k+ for one food cart. Then I added, "Give me 200k as the half will be a show money for visa 😜." She agreed.

She also said, mom and dad wanted me and rhea take over the family business - Rhea to the lotto outlet and me to the house rentals. She said, let Ivan go abroad since he's a man.

——-

This may be a hint. Since I've been telling myself yesterday that I need to be successful - be a millionaire then billionaire. That I've been dreaming to be billionaire but I'm just not sure when, where, and how to start.

Get rich muna. Lovelife to be followed. 😆

Sinabi ko narin naman kay ハニー that I can wait upto 5 years. I love her as a woman, as my future wife, as a bestfriend, and as a person. I can wait while getting rich and moving on. 😆

I believe that "My future wife will arrive in God's perfect time". I just have to work hard to get rich and continue shaping my body. I need to feel good and look good so that I can attract positive people in my life. 😄

——-

Why I want to marry a woman? Maybe because I want to be taken care of by a motherly love. Motherly love is different. When I was still a kid and haven't had any relationship yet, the only women of my life are my mom and my older sister. I loved and value them so much, not until I had a girlfriend - it's down to her and my mom. Then my second-relationship-that-I-thought-be-my-future-wife, down to her only.

Maybe the reason why ハニー doesn't like me anymore is because of the same reason of my previous relationship - she is already looking for a man. She is looking for a normal relationship - marry a man, normal sex, and have normal kids. If this the case, I can now rest my case. Wala na ko laban dun since she has decided na. I cannot make someone like me - gay/lesbian/bi - if that person is not into it. 😞

Oh well, maybe God is still preparing me and my future wife. I just have to trust His process. Till then, get fucking successful and rich Rove! And be physically attractive too! 😉

Thanks Netflix! 😂

I just watched Jumanji and Suicide Squad. They are full of adventures with some love story. Haha!

The last scene: Joker saved Harley Quinn.
Joker hugged Harley Quinn and said, "Let's go home."

The only thing I said to myself after, "Someday, I will be able to meet my Harley Quinn." Then I will say, "Let's go home." ☺️

Okay gotta sleep! 😁 New day tomorrow.
1st day of moving on has finished. Another day tomorrow. 😉

——-

God, please keep ハニー and Joe safe as they go home later to Ortigas. Thank you and I love you. In Jesus name, amen! 🙏

How to Get Over a Long-Term Relationship in 8 Steps

Currently reading: https://pairedlife.com/breakups/8-Steps-to-Get-Over-a-Long-Term-Relationship

Step 1: Accept the truth

It's very difficult but yes, I accept it now. 

Try to Reflect on Your Relationship for What It Was

Make a list of the things about it that didn't make you happy.

Study shows that thoughtful reflection about a relationship after it ends can help speed up the healing process.

1. I was cheated. Because I disregarded her. I had depression. 

2. I was short tempered. I burst in angst right away without thinking. Then after couple of minutes, they gone but regrettably I already said or did the things I shouldn't do.

3. I am over protective. I treat my partner as baby. That I should care her dearly, protect her, and provide all her needs.

4. I am historical which should be not. I should not be discussing things that are already in the past.

5. I overthink. I always think the worst case and the best case. 

6. They said and felt like I am owning my partner to myself, never letting her be with her friends or family. But it's not true. I am just over protective that I want to know her whereabouts, whether she has already eaten, sleep, etc.

7. I should trust her, pertaining to #6. And that she is already old enough to do things on her own. And she's already old enough to know what is right and what is wrong. If she commits the same mistake, it's not a mistake anymore, it's a choice.

8. I tend to be jealous. Maybe because I'm not a touchy person wherein she is. I know that it's nothing to her but to the other person, it might mean different thing which I don't want them to think that way. Men easily can fall in love with just a touch from a woman, I know it. But I should trust my woman since the day she laid her eyes upon me.

8. Masungit sya. She always roll her eyes when mad or inis sakin. I don't like being rolled eyes with. Nagsusungit minsan nang hindi ko alam dahilan. It's like I should always know what she is thinking. 

9. Similar to #8, mas prefer ko open communication since we're partner. But she tends to be closed and never tell a thing to me. When she did, I should be aware of the replies I will give. If she doesn't like it, she'll get mad and fight me. 

10. For her, frequent misunderstanding, disagreements, and commotions will be the reason to end a relationship. For her, relationship is not a job that she will not work on it. For me, relationship is other way around. All disagreements are opportunities for us to learn about with each other. And relationship is a joint effort. And just like being a mother to a home is a job, relationship is also a job that the two persons should work things out.

11. She tends to be physical when we're fighting. I got bruises. And as much as possible I don't want to hurt her physically, I did even just by hugging her tightly. I really don't want to hurt her. I feel devastated when I did. 

12. She cursed in my face which I don't like too. In return, the time I burst, I cursed her and shouted at her which I regretted after. As I said, also in #11, I really don't want to hurt her. But it seems like it all piled up during that time.

13. I adore and respect her. That's why when someone disrespected her, even by words (e.g. treating her like a sex toy), my hulk inside burst right away. And without thinking, I can say nasty things to the person who disrespected my woman. But unfortunately, my woman looked like defending that person still. Instead of telling me to stop and just let it go. She'll tell me "Mabait naman yung tao. Tigilan mo na. Maghiwalay na tayo." It is like turning out it's my fault. That I should kept quiet and let the people disrespect her and say nasty things to her. She didn't even defended herself to that person. If she only defended herself, I might not do such a thing. Because I will think, "my woman is a strong woman. don't disrespect her. or else, you will be in your grave. haha."

14.She gets lost sometimes. When she is experiencing quarter life crisis, she tend to go to wrong persons. People who will take advantage of her messy thinking. And this is where my overprotective self is coming out.

15. My relationship to her is a choice. I am working hard on it. But then, she's already tired. Stressed and tired with work. No proper sleep. Her anxiety is too high. She might already have depression. As much as I want to help her, I couldn't. She doesn't let me. She always want to do things on her own.

Okay I had enough. Haha.

Step 2: Hang Out With Friends

How will I do this? My partner is also the only bestfriend I have.I have been praying to God for so many years, since I was a kid, that if He can give me a bestfriend for life. The bestfriend I usually see in the movies. Then when I graduated, I always prayed that if possible, my next partner will also be my bestfriend - partner and bestfriend forever.

Okay pass. I couldn't do this. I can only chat with my College friends and ask them what's up. I don't tell stories of myself to them anymore.

Step 3: Do Something

Watch movies, listen to music, read books, play video games. Haha! Good luck to me. I tend to be distracted and seems couldn't find the best book/movie/music to listen to.

Journaling intentionally is one example of something small that can be really helpful. 

Yes, this is what I always do. My mind tend to whirl around - too many thoughts to say. It's like there are lots of minions talking at the same time in my mind that as much as possible, I want to take notes of them.

I'll try finding good movies in Netflix.

Step 4: Work on Something or Learn a New Skill

I need to find new work. Since the start of the year, my work is getting boring. I need new challenges and they will be a good distractions. I can do OTs or weekend work.

Step 5: Work Out

Yep. I should not stop working out. When I'm down, I tend to cancel my gym time. But then, I should think that working out will give me a nice appearance. And maybe sooner or later, I can attract a more beautiful woman with my tight muscles. Lol!

Step 6: Go On Vacation

Yes I already have planned vacations until next year. The worse part, they are vacations for the two of us. Though I told her that we can still push the vacations together even as bestfriends, I am still not 100% sure of it. And I'm already ready to travel alone just in case she won't make it. Since she already broken up with me, I cannot offer her "me spending some of our trips on behalf of her" anymore. Maybe, I can say, "I'll treat you because I'm your bestfriend." But it looks weird in a way for a bestfriend to pay in all your trips, right? And it will offend her which I don't want to happen. She has pride and have a strong sense of independency which I like. And I don't want to crash any of that.

But let's see. 

Step 7: Take A Break

Yes. I don't want anyone to be a rebound. I had great adventures with my ex partner - ups and downs. Though I think it will take me 10 years before to finally move on, I should be optimistic that it will take less. And while I'm out of the dating scene, there are other things i need to do - get fucking rich! Haha! I'll take this opportunity to take big risks and explore the world. Then hopefully, find the things that will make me a millionaire then billionaire. When I become successful, that's the time I will enter the dating scene again. And I'm pretty sure that it will not be difficult anymore since I'm kind, faithful, honest, good looking, and wealthy! Lol!

Step 8: Change Your Life

I hide already the pictures of us. As for other stuff (e.g. clothes, books, pens, etc), I don't have sentiments on them. I don't pretty much care - I see them or not. Just the pictures of us together should be kept away.

On the other hand of changing my life, I should start learning my weaknesses and make them my strengths. Because I don't know when God will introduce me to the one woman He prepared for me. I need to give a nice first impression then. Hehe.

Get Rid of Your Ex

This is my challenge. How to ignore her social media by not unfriending her? Hm. Unfollow. Piece of cake! Haha! I believe that I'm already old enough and mature enough to not unfriend my exes - not unless they are a threat in any way or my future partner tell me to do so. 

New Job, New Friends

I don't have any friends!! Haha! Yes, I will find new job. My current work is getting boring.

Finally: 

"Those are my tips on how to get over a long-term relationship. Once again, not all of these will work for everyone. You have to choose which ones feel most natural to you. Maybe you don't want to get a new job, and that's fine. Maybe you really do want to be left alone, and that's okay too.

Just remember that all things heal in time. So, cheer up, because there really are plenty of fish in the sea. And I know it hurts now, but eventually you will look back at all of this and laugh."

"When my three-year relationship ended, I was devastated. It took me about two months to get over her, and an additional eight months to find a new girlfriend. But that's okay. You shouldn't feel ashamed about not having a girlfriend or boyfriend. Instead, use the opportunity to work on yourself. Make new friends, work on personal goals, and play some damn video games guys! It takes work to be happy and to get over that long-term relationship."

Wow! It only took you two months? -_- I had 6mos relationship and it took me two years! How about this 3yrs+ relationship? 14-15 years?! 0_0

But yes, I should learn from my mistakes. This 3yrs+ relationship, I learned lots of things, things I didn't have the opportunity to learn in my previous relationship (maybe because my previous one was just a young love). This is a very meaningful experience. All the lesson, I will keep them in my heart and mind so that when I finally meet my God's gift, there will be no more trial and error. Haha! And I was hoping that I will end up marrying her someday. 

Be positive! Entrust your future woman to God, Rove. ^_^

-----

I got an enjoyable time reading this article. ^_^

Till then...

I should start moving on...

I don't want to cry. It's no use anymore. And I don't want to show to her that I'm hurting because it's a sign of weakness.

The most hurtful memory I can think of her? When I saw her cry in front of me. I don't wanna see her cry. My heart is crashing million times. Maybe I am never be good enough for her. If I will only make her cry, I don't deserve her. I failed as a man to protect her and take good care of her.

Five years... I guess it's not enough to completely move on... But I should try. Moving on while waiting? How ironic. 😆

At ayaw ko magsalita ng tapos. God has the final say.

I should respect her decisions since I respect her.

As for me, to be a billionaire is still in my mind. I don't know how yet but I am pretty sure I will get there. When I am already successful in life, lovelife will follow. 😁 Whoever will be my Mrs, I got to make sure that I can provide all of her needs and wants. 🤨 Till then, so help me God. 🙏

Maybe I’m really Hulk

ハニー says "I quit". Ayaw na nya. But I don't buy it. Clearly, she has not thought about it many times, alone.

Well, I told her that I will give her space alone. And I will wait even until 5 years. Then let's see after 5 years.

5 years for me is just short. Moving on from a 3yrs+ relationship will take more than 5 years to completely move on. Hindi pa nya naantay 4th year anniversary namin. 😕 Pero well, matagal na nya need ng space and time. At yun yung hindi ko nabigay agad. Maybe right now is the perfect time, kind of too late nga lang. ☹️

I just have to trust her that during this "space apart" will not be an opportunity for others to take advantage of her heart and feelings.

I adore her.
I respect her.

And whoever disrespected her even with words, I will crash them to pieces. *the Hulk will come out*

I trust her.

That the same mistake in the past will not happen again.

God, I commit to you my ハニー. Please keep her away from the evil minds. Keep her safe always. Keep her healthy, away from the sickness. In Jesus name, amen!

I will just be here for her, as always, as a bestfriend. ☺️ I will do my best to guide her especially when she's experiencing quarter life crisis. And I guess, it has already began since last year.

——

As for me? Let's see. My goal is to have atleast 3M within 3-5years. To become billionaire, I got to be a millionaire first.

And no wonder Warren Buffet is my favorite. I always dream of being rich and successful - though I'm not sure where to start. 😆 Financial freedom muna ulit bago love life. 😁

My beautiful woman

Yo Blog!

You ask me if I'm distracted? Yes, I am. Everytime my ハニー is mad at me, there are so many things that go through my mind.

Why am I still holding on? I read somewhere, "before you give up, think why you are still holding on". I just not love her as my partner and future wife but I love her as a person. I adore her. I respect her. I trust her. And I am so proud of her. I burst in angst every time someone does not respect her as a woman and as a person. My hulk inside come rushing out.

And oh! I gave her a ring. That ring is not just a ring. It's a promise ring. And I thought of it million times if I'm going to give her and if yes, when. For me, ring symbolizes purity and eternity. It's not a rice when is hot, I can just spit it out.

Only dishonesty and unfaithfulness will set us apart. No one is excepted from this.

——

Last night, I just tried drinking San Mig classic. It turned out I drank 3 bottles. At first bottle, I was already dizzy but since I have not taken any dinner, I drank and ate pica-pica all the way.

The result? I was vomiting in BGC and pooped at my pants. I thank my teammates so much - Gretch, Jus, and Yven - they accompanied me and provided me things to help me ease my dilemma. I vomited in someone else's car and at my clothes.

Lesson Learned: That will be the first and last time. I will never ever drink beers (except for San Mig Apple) anymore even I have the biggest problem on earth. I looked and felt terrible. I didn't like the feeling of stomach ache caused by vomiting and LBM and dizziness. 🤮

——-

God, I am sorry. Get rid all the people who distract and would just like to cause problems to our relationship (ハニー and I). Please keep us faithful with each other. In Jesus name, amen!

Last Wed of the Month Status

Capable and with pride

"Your money, it's yours. My money, it's yours too."

As much as possible, I should provide all your needs. And as much as possible, I should not ask anything from you. I should be capable of providing you and myself. I have my pride and I have my resolution. I chose this path and I should stand firm about it. I chose to be in a relationship kaya kelangan ko panindigan to.

If I don't have any money to go through the rest of the weeks (before the next payroll), I should be creative and do some sacrifices.

I will withdraw 5k later from my BDO. It's okay to have 500 penalty. 😊 It doesn't matter. I just don't want to look pity for the rest of the days. 😆

Art of not giving a fuck

Though it seems like I am taking care of another kid - other than Venice - when she gets tantrum. Let's just say, everything she says is absolute. Continue to appease her and just do whatever she likes.

Well, I've already learned "the art of not giving a fuck". 😜 I dot want myself to suffer. Yolo if it's possible - this includes with hanging around with people. "Lower or never set expectations that involve other people." 😎

“My best friend in the world”

I'm jealous of Gon. Haha! Now I know why this is one of my fave Anime.

Bisky: Well? What will you do once you find Ging?
Gon: Naturally, I'll introduce him to Killua! My best friend in the world!

Well, I didn't had a best friend for life except for ハニー. It is like hitting two birds in one stone - my special someone and my best friend! ☺️

But I'm not sure how she feels about me now. About who I am to her life. I don't want to ask, I might get sad with the answer. It's a double-edge sword. 😞

Maybe I'll just wait and go with the flow. I already let God take over the stirring wheel of my life. I got to trust Him. He knows my heart's desires more than anyone else. And I believe He is like a cupid. He'll check if the person I like and love also feels the same way to me, then that's the time He'll release the destiny arrows. And if not, God will tell me "Wait, I got this."

Thank you God! I love you! 😘

*stomach is growling*
I don't have the appetite. 😕
*growling again*
No food will be tasty. All of them are bland. Forget it.

Burned finger skin is now okay. I don't feel any pain anymore though I can still see black marks. 😆
I am already used to pains - from trainings, mga palo nung bata, bruises/blood cut from accidents, etc - this is nothing anymore. Wahaha! 😝😂

*my talkative minion*

I ❤️ Hunter x Hunter

Rove will soon file for bankruptcy.
Once I withdrawn all my money from BPI, I will file for bankruptcy.

My CPI payment will be postponed for 2 months. I don't want ハニー / Cha pays for it. It's my responsibility. I acquired it just before I met her. 😉

I need to be capable. If I dream of marrying her, this should be my primary rule - her money is hers, my money is also hers. To make this possible I need to get rich - 3-5 million within 5 years? Hmmm. I got to start betting at lotto then. 😂🤣 Anyway, I don't deserve her if I am broke myself. No one likes someone who can't provide all her needs and wants. I want to be capable. ☺️

Oh wait! If ever I'll get accepted for MBA, how can I finance the tuition if I'm also going on travels and renting a place? 😆 I'd rather drop masters than going on adventures. 😆😂 Traveling is my only addiction and comfort. 😞

Oh well papel, God will make a way. I'll just have to do my best. 😁

Let Your will Thy be done. 🙏

—-

Going back to Netflix. 😆 I couldn't play Steam anymore. 😂 Next year, I'l get myself a laptop so that I can play anytime I want. 😁😂

Stupid Rove (as ever)

Now I did it. 😒 Prepare for rejection!

2nd night

2nd night...

I already finished all the preparations. ☺️

2nd night for me to cry again. 😅
Napakahirap talaga.. lalo na kapag wala na kayo ng taong binigyan mo ng promise ring and you dreamt of marrying with in the future. 😢 masakit talaga..
And I guess it's normal for me to cry every night. I don't know until when but at the end of the day, when you've already done with all your tasks then you lie down in your bed..all of a sudden, sadness takes over and you begin to cry...

Maybe this is my new way of getting asleep..cry to sleep. 😂

I really don't know what will happen next. I will just trust God. He will never let me down.

Tomorrow, I'll be setting off. Please keep my heart and mind clear and strong, God. I can do this! I can do all things thru Christ who gives me strength. 🙏

——-

But wait! When I finally went to the new place, hopefully, no one won't hear me sob at night. 😆

On the other hand, I'm so thankful of my furbabies. They stayed most of the time with me. ☺️

——-

Thank you ハニー for the corn soup. I already had enough of the food I prepared. 😒 Boiled potatoes are still not tasty - it lacked salt. Lettuce, wasn't able to finished. I think I'm already full and they are not tasty. Or maybe, I don't have the appetite. 😂 Well, it's normal for Rove to lose appetite. How will you be able to eat when your other half has already parted ways with you. It's worst than losing someone because of death. My PT on the other hand might kill me. 😣😆 She told me to eat right - 3x a day. Eat rice during the day. But I only ate once today and it was little.

*too many minions in my head*

Adventure Updates #2

*too many minions in my head*

Moving out is harder than I expected.

1. Though I only brought out few clothes, I couldn't start packing them in a bagpack.
2. My financials are not ready yet until May. I bought too many plane tickets. 😒 Where I'm not even sure if the person who's supposed to go with me in those trips will really join me. 😓
I'll have some mitigations though.
a. Reduce my daily food allowance from Php 100 to Php 80.
b. Resort to commute other than Angkas.
c. Close BPI Savings Passbook and get all the remaining money.
d. Get all the money from my jar.
e. Skip payment to CPI for 2 months (Mar-Apr). Resume on May.
3. I will inform my parents that I will just be temporarily staying at my colleagues condominium  in BGC while they fix Crosswind and Vios (they need MUX more than me). So that they won’t have anymore questions. 😆 Hope they won’t ask follow-up questions as I’m not good in lying. 😆
a. Well, my new place will be a secret. I don’t want people going there as it might not be safe.
b. I intend to live there for several weeks/months. Adventure it is!
c. And I think, it’s walking distance to one relaxing place. 😁
d. I need to prepare what to answer when my mom asks me about Cha - if she’s going with me. Well, I still don’t know what to answer when that happens. As much I would like to offer the place to her, I couldn’t do it. I’m still not ready yet to receive rejections. 😂 (You know how hurtful rejection is to me. 😆) I need to heal and so is she. I’m not even know if she already forgiven me or not. So I don’t know. 😅

Anyway, I would still want to push through the Boracay trip. 😆 Bahala na si God pero gusto ko matuloy - mag-isa man o hindi. 😂

When I start my adventure, I got to try to get side jobs - teaching maybe?

I can do this! So help me God.

Adventure Prep Updates

Updates:

1. I already deleted all my rides in Wunder.
2. I was able to go throughout the day with only one meal. This is part of training just in case there are days I need to prolong my food supply. 🤨
3. Already packed 3/4 of my things. Remaining, other clothes. I got to pack light.
4. Since I don't how far my 1k can bring me, I decided to close one bank account. I will withdraw all of its remaining funds (which is just a maintaining balance). I already got the money from my jar. Also, I started selling my treasures (shoes and caps). Anyway, I won't be able to bring them all and I'm not using them everyday. 🙂 They better be with someone who will use them frequently. ☺️

More updates to come... 😉 stay tune!

*Minions in my head*

Tiger Api..be a good boy, okay? 😁 I’ll be back soon. Till then, keep eating lots. And sorry babies for all the fights and commotions you’ve witnessed. 😞 I should be ashamed. 

God,

Preparation is almost done. I just have to wait for their laundry then I'm off to go. 😁

I'm looking at 2 months long adventure but let's see what will happen to my life after. 😆

(I'm already training myself to eat once a day. 😆 Just in case I'll encounter some mishap in the future, atleast my body is prepared. 😂)

I trust you God. Whatever happens, please keep me in the path. Future might be unpredicted but I will just lay my life upon you God, Christ, and the Holy Spirit. Once again, please forgive me for my sins. And hoping Cha will also forgive me.

Whatever happens, I will keep getting up. Because I know you'll be my strength and refuge.

With this adventure, I hope that I will be able to learn all the skills I need to contain myself and control myself when I get angry/mad. My patience should become longer than my life.

With all these things I pray, amen!

——-

God,

Please take care of my furbabies. I know they'll be alright. Please also keep my family healthy, safe, and sound. Last but not the least, please take care of Cha. I admit, she's the best thing that happened to my life. I've learned a lot of things during the time we were together. And I know God, there is a reason for everything. I may not know nor understand them, I know they are for the best of both worlds. Keep her safe. Cover her with the Holy Spirit wherever she will be so that she'll not go astray with this life. Continuously cleanse her heart and guide her in all the decisions she'll make. I still love her as my special love one but in time, in Your will oh God, it will transform into something more beautiful - God's love.

I pray all these things in the mighty name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, amen!

——-

Thank you God

Ang hirap naman maghanap ng lilipatan...
Broke pa ko... 😞

Well, I will treat this as part of my adventures.
Let's start again from zero Rove.
Don't worry about the debts.
God will provide. ☺️

—-

Tiger and Api, you'll be okay here.
If ever your mamy Cha will get you, just behave.
Know that I am thinking of you everyday.

Cha, I'm not hoping that you will want me to be your partner again. But hopefully, you will want me to be your bestfriend. ☺️ Please forgive me. Get well.

Help me God

Napakalungkot naman ng buhay mo Rove.
You've got few friends..but you cannot think of anyone na matakbuhan o malapitan.
Cause you know, they are either busy or no place can offer to you.

Guess you have to be on your own...

——-

I'm sorry Tiger and Api. Bahala na si mamy cha at tita rhea nyo sa inyo. Please be good boys. ☺️ I love you.

Hopeless rove now.... God

Ang sakit sakit...

Yung kayang mong tiisin na wala na kayo..

Pero yung galit parin siya kahit di na kayo.. at kahit anong gawin ko, walang effect sa kanya..

Di ko alam saan ako nagkamali..dahil ba sa pinalitan ko password ng cp ko? Tinanggal ko fingerprint nya?

Mas masakit mawalan ng bestfriend kesa ng bf/gf...

God,, help me...
Iiyak ko lang to ng iiyak...
Kung kelangan ko mag SL ng isang linggo at di lumabas ng kwarto ng isang linggo, gagawin ko..
Patawarin lang nya ko...

My prayers

Dear God,

Thank you for everything. Thank you and we're still alive.

I'm sorry for all the bad words that came out from my mouth. All the curse words I pointed towards Cha, please forgive me God. I didn't mean to hurt anyone - verbally or physically. I'm so sorry. I deserve a punishment from you God.

Please take card of Cha. May the Holy Spirit guide her to the path you God has laid upon her. I pray God that she will not get lost again like what she did in the past. Always clear her mind, heart, and soul from earthly things. And that she can make sound decisions in life. May you fill her with your overflowing love. Keep all the evil spirits/humans away from her. I commit Cha to you God. Please be with her always and forever. And when she's ready to start a new life again, may you help her find the right man in her life. So help her God. 🙏

As for me, please cleanse my mind, heart, and soul with your overflowing love. Please give me the longest patience the heaven can give, that I may be able to control myself. I pray that I will continuously be passionate to the human beings despite their shortcomings. Please forgive me God for all the sins I've committed. Holy Spirit, please guide me to the right path. I commit myself to you God wholeheartedly. When the time has come when I'm ready to love again (after I become millionaire 😆), I will gladly follow you God. Please cover me with your love. Your love will be my strength, wisdom, patience, and self-control. So help me God. 🙏

I pray all these things in the mighty name of my lord and savior, Jesus Christ, amen! 🙏

Prayer for a 3+ years of relationship

I'm done.
God, take me away from this position.
What did I do to experience this?
I only want to live #yolo.

I deserve to be happy.
I deserve to have a partner who will treat me well - not some kind of punching bag or trash.
I deserve to have a mature partner. (Maybe this is the reason why I know many people who their wife is older than them and to avoid drama).

God, if there will be next time, please give me a wife/partner who is 3 or more years older than me.

Please heal my heart, mind, and soul - and so with Cha. I commit her to you. May she find herself and find peace in you. Keep away all the evil spirits/humans away from her. Keep her safe always and forever. In Jesus name, amen! 🙏

Let Your will Thy be done.

Sleeping giant

Ok.

You only talk to me whenever you feel like it.
And me? I don't have the right to talk to you.
Fine. Continue treating me like that.

Don't wait for the day I will lose all the concerns to you. You know I'm the kind of person who cares much about the people around me. When all my concerns and interests have disappear, I will no longer give a shit to any of the businesses you will have.

"Treat me good and I will treat you better."

"Treat me bad and you'll experience hell."

White flag

*waving a white flag*

Di ko na pede pilitin ang taong ayaw.

I only have two concerns..
Why every payroll, ハニー loves going out with someone - a family or fake family?
1. Their payroll is cold cash. She'll bring hard cash to a place unsecured? If only their salary is deposited straight to their bank account.
2. For ハニー to avoid unwanted expenses. She tends to buy everything she sees when she's in other place.

If ハニー doesn't still take heed at my inputs.. what else can I say anymore? Any warning, concern, etc will only be treated as empty words by her.

"Rove, your words don't matter to her." She is very stubborn even she's already in the age to be mature enough.

Fine. Let her do whatever she likes. She's like her mom, when doesn't like a thing, they will just leave without a word or explanation or any effort to try to fix things.

Let Your will Thy be done God. 🙂

The art of not giving a fuck

Recently...

Talking to ハニー pushes me to be someone I was not.

When I was a kid until recently, I don't talk much to people outside my family or close friends. In school, most of the time, I don't talk at all. I tend to be talkative at home only or with close friends.

Now, I should limit the words I say when talking to ハニー. And would prefer to have a chit chat other than her. Why? To avoid fights and misunderstandings. ハニー would prefer to hear what she only likes to hear. Well, I'm already learning this skill in just few days.

I can no longer comment when she is talking about her family. Me? Alright.

I am learning "the art of I don't give a fuck" to anything when I needed to. 😁

—-

This arrives to other things...

Since ハニー's fake dad (Jap) doesn't like me (without any explanation and ハニー doesn't bother asking because maybe I don't matter at all compare to him), I don't like him twice or thrice too. 😏 My hunch, he is insecure with me and jealous of me. Why? Maybe there are things he can see that he's unable to attain and/or I got ハニー' and he is jealous because his "wife" left him for someone else. Well, it is his fault in the first place. He is too lazy (behavior of "what come may"), the behavior ハニー's mom doesn't like. 😆 People will leave people who are "Juan tamad" with no dreams and no concrete plans, I pressume. And he's too boastful and easy go lucky. 😏 Good luck to him! Hope he'll get what he likes while he's still here in PH. Worst case, he will be running back to his home country and regretting the decision to stay in PH.

Another one, the ugly helper in their condo. Two faced person as said by ハニー. Well as for me, I don't trust that human/animal anymore. I will not get close to people who are fakes. Fake people are dangerous. They only desire your downfall.

This is what I learned overtime despite me being kind and understanding to living things. You know how many times I've been tricked by people who I thought are kind. In general, I find the good about all things. Maybe this is how I was raised by my schools since a kid - "find goodness in every person and trust that goodness even small".

As a conclusion, I don't wanna be like them - full of insecurities, jealousy, and selfishness. I will just stay vigilant. Choose my battles and do not dwell on them little creatures. "The art of not giving a fuck." 😏

Warning: Never try to deceive nor hurt anyone from my family or me, or else, you'll have a good place in hell. 😉

#Yolo

What I've learned in life? And currently practicing in life?

Not to hold on to things and people that don't last longer. To things and people that will just make my mood sour. 😁😆

Getting mad at someone because of petty things? It will only drain your energy when you still hold on to it. Unable to be with someone despite how badly you need them? It will only make you very dependent to that person and no chance to be happy with yourself and meet new friends.

More importantly, not to complain after all the bad decisions I made. 😉 "Ginusto mo yan eh. Panindigan mo yan."

A little complain after a blunder decision is okay. But keep complaining it like things will go back in time when you say it over and over again, it may cast away people and opportunities.

Thanks to the people around me. They made realize all these things.

#SelfLoveHappyLife 🥰
#ThankYouGod

Time and Space

MyBlog.

You know what... I sometimes think, why did I bought those long term plane tickets where in fact, I'm beginning to doubt why I'm still here...

I'm beginning to realize that the physical, emotional, and mental pain I receive every time are little by little growing inside me.

I actually trying to convince myself each day that later or tomorrow will be a better day. That all the pains i gain each day will fade away. And my partner will stop hurting me.

Battered partner, I sometimes wonder if this is beginning to be me.

Let's give each other time.

Sentiments

Just noticed it.

1) When you are together (i.e. dining, walking, etc), the partner keeps on using her phone - FB or chatting other people.
2) When you are not together, the partner keeps her phone away when with others. Sending you message when she finally finds herself alone.

Hmmm...
#1, I will still do my best not to do it even to anyone.
#2, maybe I should start do the same in respect to #1.

Better to keep my mouth shut when the partner is around. Just talk when I am asked to. It will keep peace entirely. 😁