My Kuya Api’s Last Pics

My beloved Api

It's the 2nd day and I'm still crying.
Crying for the loss of my eldest furbaby.
And I partly blame myself for everything that happened. If only I took a seat inside instead of riding at the back.
I know our fates are already pre-determined by God. But why God you let this kind of way for Api to leave me (and us). It's very heartbreaking. The conscience and regrets are there. I don't know when can I forgive myself for what had happened.
Please don't tell me God that you're teaching me how to forgive myself. It's not a good way to do it, to use an innocent furbaby to teach a wicked person like me. Better you cause me to be in an accident and have a near-death experience just to teach me a valuable lesson.

Why can't I have a happy and peaceful Christmas? Why it has to have a loved one to be in ICU or die. Why God? I'd rather die than to cause anyone mishaps even to animals.

I'd like to believe what people said about their furbabies' souls after they have died. They heard their souls linger for short period of time before they transition to heaven. As for me, Saturday night and yesterday, I thought I heard Api many times. I just thought that it was my imagination. I heard him bark downstairs at night. Then in the day, when I was downstairs, I heard him bark from the 2nd flr hallway. If it is his soul, "Api I miss you". I know you're kind of a jealous baby. You don't want anyone new. Should I feel guilty that someone gave me a pup day after you left? Aki, from your nickname Api, was also going to the corners of the room where you usually sleep or stay.

Api, please let me feel you. Please let me know that you have forgiven me. Please let me know that you are already happy in heaven playing with Tiger. I miss you both. I still don't know how I can move on. Everyday, I still cry everytime I remember you.

God, please let me know that my kuya Api is already happy by your side. I think that's the only time there will be peace in my heart. I feel a little bit of guilt every time what happened replays in my mind over and over.

I feel like it's unfair to Aki. I don't want her to be a rebound. I don't even not sure if I can make her happy as I am still grieving over kuya Api. 😔

God, please heal my grieving heart. I'd rather be single forever than to be left suddenly by my furbaby. 😔 I lift up to you the broken hearts of the grieving furmoms and dads all over the world.

Amen!

Me and my life

I'm already at my age where I shouldn't give a fuck to people who don't appreciate me nor my efforts.

Damn they are! I will not choose my family nor may partner anymore. I will choose me, always be me.

My money, my rules.
My life, my rules.
No one will dictate how I would like to live.

——

I don't like C anymore. Not sure why I am still here.
It's not love anymore but am I just concern? I'm not even in love anymore, it's been long since I've started feeling this way.

Looking for new relationship? Na-ah! I don't have luck on it. I already see myself as single getting old with just my kids and furbabies. I don't need anyone. If ever I'll meet people, I bet it won't be any more serious at all.

——

As a human being, I think I'm good with just me and my babies alone. Leave my family and create my own family.

Peace of Mind

I badly need peace of mind.

Nakapag relax sana ko nung Macau-HK. Kaso parang lalo ako nastress. 😅 Plus pagod din.

Many things had happened and I needed to lead.
- Mom's hospitalization
- 1st hearing sa Trial court (3 days notice lang namin natanggap schedule. Had to book flights pa. 😒)
- House rental business issues (3 units vacant, utilities balance of tenant, etc)
- Debt ng sister ko sakin na umaabot ng 68k for Nov.

My own work became low prio because of above.

I quit

Gusto ko na maubos lahat ng natitirang pagmamahal meron pa natitira para kay Carol.

Ayaw na ng utak ko. I wanna quit. Gusto ko na maging manhid. Mawalan ng sympathy nor empathy.

God, my apologies. Pero di ko na kaya panindigan yung binigay nyo sakin. For now, please give me someone as a friend or hangout buddy lang. I just really want to escape now.

Desires VS Reality

Ilan gabi sunud sunod ko na napapanaginipan ex ko.

Maybe, unconsciously, I want to feel again the feeling the first time we were dating. 😅

Anyway, baka meron pa ko makikilala in the future na magpaparamdam ulit sakin ng pakiramdam ng totoong in love.

Gotta start searching that woman. 😁

Or I was just unconsciously wanting to escape my current reality. 😅

🤸🏼Bakit🤸🏼‍♀️malungkot🤸🏼‍♂️ang🤸🏼‍♂️beshy🤸🏼‍♂️ko?🤸🏽‍♀️

Nung nawalan ako ng 70k sa BDO noong June 2023, na-depressed ako ng 2 weeks dahil 80% ay di sakin.

Then?

BDO did not find ways.

Ano ginawa ko?

Wala naman… sinara ko lang naman 12yrs kong account at ng kapatid ko. Then I moved on (ika nga ni Pia Wurtzbach). At nagkaroon lang naman ako ng instant utang. 😆

Money can be earn but not trust once lost.

#BDOdidnotfindways
#ScammerSaBDO
#WhatAThrillingLife

Woman of my prayer, where are thou?

As much as I want to pray for my the one, I think I'm already too much.

When will I meet the wife of my dream? The woman who's loyal, faithful, honest, mother figure, takes care of me, whom I'll protect, smart, good cook, hardworking, and if possible, my soulmate. Someone who I can vibe with. Have open communication with. Someone who we both know what each other's need. Not someone who will blame each other after a fight. Someone whom I will never hurt and vice versa. Someone who's 100% willing to fight for each other. Someone who doesn't hold grudges with anyone and can forgive. Most of all, God fearing.

See! These are too much to ask. I don't even know if this person exists. Am I better of single for the rest of my life?

God, if this "the one" exists, please introduce her to me. Maybe as a friend at the start?

Thank you God since you answer my previous prayer, you gave Carol. My fault is mine, I missed lots of other details.

Anyway, let your will Thy be done. If I'm really destined to be single forever, then, that's it.

But if only you can give this woman in my prayers to me… I don't wanna promise but I will surely give my all again just like what I did in my previous relationship.

So help me God. I love you.

Haaay

Tamad na tamad sana ko umalis. Kaso there's always one person who will push you to leave.

Where can I have my haven or home.. where are thou?

I only have 1 brain and I have to deal with everyone which in reality, I am not responsible to. 😒

Financial Troubles

As much as I want to help.. like giveaway monthly freebies to Lotto employees, I couldn't as I don't have enough money to do it.

₱500/monthly for personal toiletries x 8 Lotto teller
= 4k/month

Bell as helping out in the apartment management = 1 sack of rice per month ₱1000

Kuya Godwell, classic phone and 1 sack of rice monthly for maintaining the apartments and probably will ask for monitoring utilities conditions.

Total of: 6k/month

For my mother
- 12k/month for PT
- 4k/month for caretaker
- 3k/month for grocery package for Tita Thess with conditions (every 2 weeks uuwi sa kanila and Sat-Sun lang)
- 1k/aircon electricity bill
= 20k/month

Not yet included here the Glucerna, veggies and fruits, diapers, etc.

😔 I don't have yet all the means. I have to put my self first, I'm still paying for my house&lot and bills.

Help me God. Help us God.

Drop then, R 😏

When you're too concerned over your family's future, but they don't give a f***.

#ktnxbye

Road to recovery, my dearest mom

Mom got stroke last Dec 20 at Roxas Palawan. Rushed to Puerto Princesa. Was in ICU for 5 days. Transferred to regular room last Dec 25, around 8pm. She got discharged Jan 10. We stayed at her cousin's apartment.

We finally secured travel clearance from doctor and flew back to Metro Manila last Feb 2.

Despite all the things happened to me. The stress, anxiety, and pressure I had, thank God I am still alive now! I know my limit and I think I've already reached my patience limit since my mother got discharged.

I asked for long patience and God gave me predicaments to test my patience. I asked for financial help and God gave us people who helped us.

Thank you God that my mom is still alive. I may have lost 10yrs of my life 😆 but it's okay as long my mom's life got extended for many more years.

God, thank you for everything. I hope and I pray that my mom's recovery may continue until she's able to walk.

I know this is not the end because we still have lots of financial problems to face. But I am confident that God will make a way when there seems to be no way.

I was really exhausted mentally and emotionally. But I'm pretty sure that I only need few days to rest and recharge. Then face these predicaments again. One at a time.

Holy Spirit, please continue covering my mom so that she'll be protected from any harm and evil lurking around her.

I owe everything to you God. So I might as well donate all those medicines to a homecare. I love you!

I pray all these things in the mighty name of my lord and savior, Jesus Christ, amen!

-Rove