Plan

One day, I'll resign. Resign without any job to land to.
Then I'll buy 2 months worth of medicines to support me. I will go to a far unknown place where no one knows me.

I think, from then on, my partner will find true joy in life. Meet a normal man. Get married in a normal ceremony. Have normal kids. And have a normal family.

Then my mom, won't have to tell me things I should not do. And doesn't have to strive hard to send me off out of country.

My supporting friends, Innah and Kate, won't have to go with me on Saturdays for check-up. I don't have to bother them again and let them live their life normally.

Then me. Only time can tell when I'll be back and if I'll be back.

Let's see.

Boredom strikes

I hate this life.

Why do I have to please everyone?

I have to please my bosses at work and do things they wanted me to do even though there's no competitive increase in salary.

I have to please my mom and do not do things she told me not to.

I have to please my special someone by doing all things she wanted me to do - even going home even at the middle of work.

Why do I have to please all these masters when I am losing myself little by little.

Can I just end everything? I am fucking tired already! Pretending I am okay and these meds are keeping me okay. They can't keep me okay for so long. They will not last long.

I badly wanted to run away. Run away from all these things. Run away from this life. But I couldn't. I'm fucking scared! I'm a loser! I am binded by these masters this life has given me.

I wanna be free! The only way is to end this life ASAP! And as I previously mentioned, everything is just in circles. It's getting boring. Life is boring.

Sent from my iPhone

When someone is stopping you

I think you are being selfish.

Assuming that I won't be able to attend the employment exam is the same as wishing I don't find another job.

Instead of helping me out, you seems like pulling me down.

All things you've said, I took heed. But it should not be forever. If I want change for my life, I should do something. But stopping me to have a better life? It's a different story. It's time for me to choose, between always following you around and achieving my dreams.

Time Crisis

I'm always on the move. But for some reason, I wanted to have my own place. The one place I can call, "my home". A place where after all the travels and movements I've done, I can go home and take a rest and be comfortable at.

A condo, townhouse, house and lot, or even lot will do. I know I don't have the capacity yet to have one but I hope and pray the soon, I'll have one.

First step, find a better opportunity. I'm not sure if corporate world is really for me. Or I should take a leap of faith and start my own business. Or take a risk and explore a country without anything to begin with.

Second step, continue existing investments and savings.

Third step, start my own business and have my own place.

*sigh* Why living is difficult? I love challenges but only in work. I couldn't imagine myself facing continuous challenges in life then losing hope in between.

I don't know. Full of uncertainties. Sometimes, I feel like I wanted to end everything and just stop exerting efforts. Maybe I'm tired? Or maybe I'm already bored?

Quarter life crisis, isn't?

Simple joy

Just staring at you while you are sleeping makes me smile. ☺️

You are so beautiful. 😍

I love you, my honey. 😘

Exchanges