When life gets boring...

"It's all in the mind." 

"It's all in the mind."

"It's all in the mind."

Fuck that mind! 

Can I just stop thinking? 

Why human beings strive hard to live? For whom? For what? To please someone? Fuck it!

Why human beings strive hard to earn papers (money, wealth, etc)? Work hard until they get sick then spend all their wealth to cure themselves. Fuck it!

Why do I need to study MBA in the first place? To get a higher position in a company and earn larger amount of salary? Then for what? Fuck it!

I tried looking for short courses in TESDA. But Cainta TESDA schools suck! Do I need to go to provinces just to experience the TESDA learning for free? Fuck it!

When human beings die, all be buried in the same ground, in the same dirt.

I'm bored. I'm fucking bored with this what they call, "life".

Why am I doing all these stuff anyway? 

Did I make use of my "time" here on Earth?

Bored. Bored. Bored. Everything is just the same. The only thing that makes "living" exciting is to travel and/or experience art, music, and nature. That's all! Aside from this, everything is boring. Just a big hole of cycle repeating all over and over again. And human beings are so dumb to not notice it.

Ok. #ktnxbye

Hell companies in PH

Why is it so hard to find job? Binabarat kana nga ng mga employers here in the Philippines, choosy pa sila? They can be choosy if they can provide satisfying compensation. If not, don't me!

And do they know that it is a basic rule that offered salary should be atleast 20% increase from the current? Hopefully, mag-close ang business ng mga barat na companies in 5 years time. 😂 

Chill

Why am I doing this? Fuck!

Are you out of your mind?! You should not please anyone. Fuck!

If your "honey"/"babi"/etc prefer the ugly creatures to be her lockscreen/wallpaper, don't give a damn! That's not your phone in the first place! 

Chill Rove and shut the fuck up! Just do your thing!

Thoughts

Living in a country where mental illness is taboo is very expensive. You are working your ass off to earn money. Then you get crazy and pay for it. Mental wellness is not part of the HMO coverage. That is why having to see a psychiatrist for the second time will make our tail back off. I did see a doctor once but never came back for follow-up as it is very expensive. 30min conversation with the psych costs me Php1500-3k. If the doctor told you to come back next week and 2 weeks after, you will atleast spend 10k a month for the check-ups, medicines, and transpo. And it is not part of the HMO. The money you save for 2-3months killing yourself at work will be gone in just a month.

So what can you do? Alternatives? Cure your own illness! Now I realize that people who have depressions, especially living in the same country as I am, are tough. They last so long. Endure the pain and just tell themselves each day that gthis will all pass by and be gone. Just endure a little more and all be good in time.h They are tough but I pity them so much, especially people who believe in one God. They have this belief that when they kill themselves, theyfll go straight to hell. Well, as for me, that is the only reason why I am lasting this long.

Went to a Christian school since pre-school. Di ko nalang alam kung hindi mo pa madigest fully lahat ng teachings ng Bible. It is a blessing and a suffering at the same time.

On the side: These kittens are lurking around me while I am sitting in a bed and writing this. If only I have my own house, I dont have you guys be adopted.

Away from everything

I want to run away. To somewhere very far away from here. A place where no one knows me. I feel like I don't belong here. 

It is a little bit frustrating that I got to live with these Earthlings. That I got to accept that I am a human being too.

I wanna run away. Away from everything. Away from me.

What's the beauty of living

Why people live? What's the beauty of living?

You work and strive hard to fulfill your dreams and goals. Then what? After self-fulfillment, what?

Living as a human being is a vicious cycle. It becomes boring. You have fun. Then face a problem. Become sad. Then happy again. Then repeat.

About travelling. It's the only thing make most people sane. And it keeps my sanity at bay. But why travel? After keeping your mood calm, then what's next? You stress yourself at work just to fund your travels. Then it's a cycle that becomes boring.

What's the beauty of living? Living as an Earthling.

Note: I'm having a difficult time remembering things. Things that I used to know fully well.

A crazy ride

Jonghyun, thank you for the idea. You know what I mean.

Your last note, 90% of it applies to me too. 

"It's easy to say I'll end things. But it's hard to end things."

"Dont be hard to yourself."  It's always easy to say than done.

Nobody understands us aside from us. Only us understand each other. People around us only tell that it's a drama and we only wanted is to be the center of attention. Well, we all know that it is not true. We wanted to be notice, but mainly because we wanted to have someone to talk to. But nobody's there. They just think that we crave for attention.

In the end, it's just me, you, and other depressed people.

To the world: 

I tend to forget things and I'm sorry about it. If I made a mistake, I'm sorry. Whatever happens, it will always be my fault. And I'm sorry. I don't want to please anyone anymore. And I already did. Don't trust anyone. You just make me believe into something to make me feel good. But the truth is they are all lies. This life sucks. I hate human beings and I hate myself. This life is getting boring, always the same things. One day, you are happy. Another day, you are not. Then repeat over and over again.

Life's purpose or direction? It doesn't make sense anymore. Life is crazy. Human beings are crazy.

Untrustworthy filthy human beings

In the end, there is no one. 

Why are you looking for someone Rove? You only have yourself! You have no one to trust to. Just depend on yourself. 

You only have Him and yourself, that's it. Don't trust any human being. They will just hurt you. Make you believe into something that will make you feel better. But in the end, will just leave you hanging. 

Dont wanna marry

I would like to take back what I said in the past.

Sorry, she's not the type of person I would like to marry with. Not now. Not yet. Not in 5 years. I think I still need more time to re-evaluate if she's the person I would like to spend the rest of my life with. As of now, nope. I found something that turned me off. 

She said, she's willing to give me up for her parents. Well, this is a good thing. And also, this is a bad thing. Good thing that you still love your parents whatever happens. But when the time comes and you need to have your own family but unable to leave your parents, you'll end up living with her parents and her. Even though you are already married but because she needs her parents, you'll end up by yourself alone. And I don't want this to happen to me. I would like to have someone who will stay by my side thru thick or thin. Not someone that will leave whenever she likes.

Hoping for someone to show up who is independent enough to stand on her own.