Let thy be done!

Sometimes, I feel like I want to be in a relationship now. That it feels great to be in love again. Hug and kiss the person you love. Saying goodnights and ILYs. Nakakakilig if you're going to think of it. Sometimes, it feels like I'm a lost knight, wondering around, looking for a queen to serve.

But on the other side, it feels great to be single. Not minding or thinking of anyone. There will be no burden or weight of responsibility. No one to please. No one to say your whereabouts. No one to ask permission. The freedom, it's all yours. You'll only think your own happiness - no sacrifices for that person. it's just you alone. Most of all, you'll never be broke. 😆

——

Conclusion: Let fate and life do its wonders. 🙂

I don't wanna comment anymore about my future nor my love life. Let what should happen be happen. I will just do my stuff as long as I am not hurting anyone. 😊

Early morning digest 😆

(Update 8:49AM) What might make me entrust my love to Cha again? See http://grandia-cool.blogspot.com/2019/08/i-wanna-be-in-love.html?m=1

——

Few hours ago, I did something I shouldn't have done - f***play. It is something you should only do to the person you are committed with. I'm sorry Cha. I'm sorry Rove. I'm sorry God. Last but not the least, I'm sorry to my future woman. 😞

I've learned that you can have sex to anyone without any love or feelings upon them - just pure fun. But this is not me. Also, Cha is my precious sponsor kid. I shouldn't fall to any of her temptations - well I didn't but did it anyway.

I tested her with a question, "tayo naba ulit?" She didn't answer. Part of me was saying, "Please say no". Why? I'm not ready yet to like/love her again romantically. Maybe, I still feel a little bit of hatred upon her and J. I should pray for them and forgive them again (and again and again). "Lord, I commit them unto you. Cha is technically single right now so they can now love each other freely without lying or hurting anybody else. They are your children, please forgive them. Please keep them safe and be on the right path always. Thank you. Amen!" And mostly, I pray for my beloved best friend that she'll grow and be mature in love and relationships. Darating din ang araw na makikilala nya ang katapat nya. Yung taong hahabulin nya and she'll be crazy in love with. At sasabihin nya sa sarili nya, "No. I will not be the same person ever again. I don't want to lose this person kaya magiging stick-to-one na ko at magpapakatino. I will not do the things na ikakagalit nya. I will be devoted sa kanya as long as I live." I believe in Cha, that she can change for the better. 😊 She'll be a beautiful and well-respected woman in the future.

On the other side, I still don't feel any romantic love upon her - just pure concern and love with a family member and a best friend. I can say, that second letter I wrote for her was life changing. Para kong nabunutan ng tinik. I let go of everything and felt at peace. 😊 And masasabi kong, naka-move on na ko. And the only thing that keeps me cautious is "I want and deserve a loyal and faithful partner, not a player nor a user." I have started preparing myself and my finances for my future woman/girlfriend/fiancé. ☺️ Excited na ko makipagdate ulit. Hahaha! Sabi nila, hindi raw hinahanap, kusa raw darating. Pero I believe na kelangan maging open and vast ang perspective mo para mapansin mo sya. At in some way, search for her. 😉 Family, career, business, and lovelife, I can do them all at the same time. 😁 In my current life's Plans A to D, no lovelife is considered (my past plans used to have Cha in it but they were gone like bubbles) - just me and my future. 😊

So help me God. Amen!

Dream

To my future wife:
I'll make sure you'll eat three times a day of balanced and healthy meals.
I'll make sure you'll live in a comfy and safe house and neighborhood.
I'll make sure that you'll have enough privacy in our own house.
I'll make sure that you'll achieve your dreams with me supporting you.
I'll make sure that you'll be respected and be treated like a queen by me and your family.
I'll make sure that you are well taken care of and protected by me.
I'll make sure that you'll enjoy living with our own family.

Few months to go...

Since last night, I was trying to figure out the IT for Taipei. With only 3 days allotted for Taipei Fun Pass, there's so much time constraint. Some places are meant for the 4th day.

While doing it, at the back of my mind, "Is Cha coming?" She was the one who planned and booked all these travels for 2019. I cannot treat her anymore. She didn't thought carefully all the the things she would like to do this year. Maybe because, it's not her money who booked the plane tickets in the first place. 😕 I asked her to provide me even 1k every cut-off. But because she's also in a very tight budget, I don't think she will be in her current salary. Worst case, I will be going alone.

I did my best to help her. Sent her CV to find a new job. Shopped for stuffs and groceries for them. Sponsor her law school misc and allowance. The remaining things to do are on her. There are things I can no longer help like going to interviews, minimize not needed purchases, etc.

There are so much things running through my mind. But I will just let her do her things. I want her to order and prioritize her stuffs. I don't know until when I will keep on reminding her on the things she needs to do. I'm not her secretary nor her romantic partner anymore. I should not be held responsible for all of her decisions and doings, well except for sponsoring her law school's misc and allowance. The rest, it's all up to her. Being not committed with her keeps me from doing things I used to do - treat her as a queen and provide all her needs and wants. Now, I got to reserve my resources for the my (future) true loyal and faithful queen. 😋

—

Current: I'm cleaning up my closets. Remove the things aren't used anymore.

(Updated!) I wanna be in love!

Gusto ko ulit ma-inlove romantically. Yung kikiligin ka kapag kausap mo sya. Yung makikita mo lang sya nakangiti ay masaya kana. Yung ma-iinspire ka gawin mga bagay bagay kasi alam mo andyan sya nakasupporta. Yung alam mong magiging loyal at faithful sya sayo despite of all the temptations and challenges. Yung alam mong you will help each other grow and achieve each other's dream.

My Ms. Right, when will you introduce yourself to me? 😆 I am just here waiting while trying my best to be successful. 😊 For you, me, and us, naghahanda na ko sa araw ng pagkikita natin.

Sa ngayon, "expired" ako but I still go on as I must move on.

——

Me1, "Why not ask Cha again to get back together?"

Main Me, "Na-ah. As they say, 'There are better fishes in the sea.'"

Me1, "Why? Move on move on din. 😋"

Main Me, "HA HA HA HA! That's what Cha told me many times in the past. I did moved on - many times. But what she has done? She kept on getting back to Jake and telling me she was contacted or she just needed something like a book. So? Is he the only classmate she ever had? Doesn't she have any friends to talk to? Of course, she liked to meet him! She liked to meet the guys who like/love her. I've learned my lesson. She's the best example of "words that contradict with actions". I cannot entrust my heart to her again not until I've seen she has changed for the better."

Me1, "Galit na galit? 😋"

Main Me, "I'm just explaining my side. I'd rather court someone new than get back to her and pick up where we have left."

Me1, “What will make you forget everything and start over with her?”

Main Me, “When she’ll do what I did before. I was crazily madly in love with her that I fought for her and for us. Di ko pala alam, meron na pala sya iba. I want her to talk to me and say to me that she’s very sorry for all the lies and cheating she has done (even the very recent one) and she would like to start over. I want to see the sincerity in her eyes. If she can talk to Jake with all honesty, why can’t to me?”

Me1, "Any chance of loving her romantically again? Like dating her and ask her to be your girlfriend/fiancé?"

Main Me, "Hahaha! Ayaw ko magsalita ng tapos dahil di naman talaga natin alam mga mangyayari satin. Some people told me that 'Once a cheater will always be a cheater' but I also have friends who have changed after they met their "katapat". As for me, hindi ako ang katapat ni Cha. Kasi kung ako, she'll not lie nor cheat on me over and over again. It's difficult to trust someone again after s/he has lied to you many times - especially cheating. But I believe na magbabago din sya once natagpuan na nya yung katapat nya. 😊 It may take years bago sya mag mature in relationships but I believe she'll be. In her own pace and her own time, she'll be a better person. 😊 And of course, mahal ko parin naman sya as a friend and family.

As a conclusion, we all need time to heal up. 😊 Time does really heal everything. And we never know, during this process, makilala nya yung Mr. Right nya at makilala ko rin yung Ms. Right ko. Eh di win-win lahat. 😁 Let's just believe with the life's process."

P.S. Basta sa ngayon, I really hate players, liars, users, and cheaters. Thanks to my recent relationship, I've realized them all. 😆 At I will focus on myself.

Bel! 😛

Hi Blog!

I couldn't sleep again. I suddenly thought of putting Cha's loyalty and faithfulness to a test. Familiar with the secret camera project? There. I wanna hire that team to test her through wooing her by an attractive guy. And see how she will react. Another thing, collaborate with that team to have Jake show up suddenly and ask her to check-in in a motel to have a private talk. I wanna know if she'll accept Jake's offer.

Well, she did it in the past. I wanna know if she has really moved on from Jake. And if she has a strong will to change - to be better. Or if she will give in again to the desires of her earthly body.

Whatever it is, I wanna put her to test. And again, we're both technically single and I am not ready to trust her again with my love. As you all know, I hate cheater, unfaithful, disloyal, and user. I'd rather stay single than fall in love with that kind of person. I don't wanna waste my time and resources unto them.

Currently, checking at my heart and mind, I still don't like/love Cha romantically. I only love her as a family and best friend that's why I'm concerned. I did hesitate to answer her ILYs but I answered anyway because the truth is, I love her - but not romantically nor as a romantic partner. I need at least 2 years to observe her and prove she's a better person. Why years? It took her months before she reconnected with the guys she cheated on me with. But since I am single, I am not closing my door to anyone even to Cha (she's still a good person). I am open for any possibilities that will start from friendship. If Cha has really the desire to change and bring me back, I should see it through her actions. I no longer chase nor run over to her. Done with those crazy years. If she really wants me back, she should be willing to start from scratch and strive hard to win my heart and my trust. But for now, I am just open for any romantic opportunities - I wouldn't know if the right person is already around the corner if I am closing my door. 😜

Now, just loving myself and my family. 😊
So help me God.

Current Rove’s Thoughts Status

Why I want to only offer you family and friendship?

I know we've hurt each other in the past. And I'm so sorry. But I hope you just left me without telling anything. It really hurt me that it felt like I just became your option. You told me in the past that you will not reconnect with J anymore. But you kept on reconnecting with him despite knowing that he loves you. When you lied and cheated on me, I forgave you. But you did it again and again and again. I forgave you many times. But now, I'm done. I don't care when you'll become mature in relationship or be loyal or faithful, but I was hoping you will be in the future when you finally meet the person who will make you think "This is the person I want to marry. I will be loyal and faithful to this person."

I've become cautious now. Don't blame me if it's difficult for me to let myself like/love you romantically again. I'm trying to avoid the thoughts of: "maybe she just came back to me because J and her had a fight and she thinks I'm always available for her" or "maybe she just came back to me because she can see I am investing to get myself successful and be financially rich". I'm also trying to avoid people's thoughts: "she doesn't want to commit to you or be in a relationship with you but she can get the benefits of being a girlfriend - friends with benefits?" or "she might think that you are always there when she's having problems with the guy".

I've learned my lesson. You need more time for yourself - to rethink about your relationships, what you really want in life. Unfaithfulness and disloyalty are always an issue for me. I cannot let you hurt me again. This is why I can only offer now are best friends and family.

I'm afraid to let Rove like/love you romantically again. Afraid that you will cheat on me again by reconnecting or flirting, after few months, with the people who you know who like/love you and you supposedly not talk to - virtually or not - nor see in person. I hate cheaters, liars, unfaithful, and disloyal people. I'm not afraid to fall in love again, have girlfriend, and get married but I'm afraid to do it again with you. 😔 I need more time, months, to prove that you are ready for a mature relationship and ready to commit to only one person without cheating.

Once again, I'm not closing my doors for possible love story with you again. But again, I want a mature, loyal, and faithful partner and not a dishonest, flirty, player, and user partner.

P.S. I consider cheating when you chat or flirt chat or meet in person with the people who you know like/love you, instead of not entertaining them in the first place because you know your partner will get jealous or the person who like/love you might make you fall in love or flirt with you. Or talk or meet them telling me that you need something from them. Remember, if there's a will, there's a way. They are not the only people you know who can help you - your partner, family, and best friends can.

To my dear bestie and little sister

Dear Cha,

I'm not sure how many letters I gotta send to you. I'm trying to refrain myself from saying these to you in person since you tend to get irritated with my voice.

I don't love you romantically anymore. I only love you as a person and as a best friend. What I can only offer now is friendship. Why? I'm trying to avoid the circumstances wherein I will just be one of your options. It was proven many times, you just go back to me when you have LQ with Jake. You don't have to explain but I know that you loved him. And you cannot like/love two persons at the same time. I've already let you go. Di ko naman sinasara yung door ko sayo - na one day, you'll become mature and be faithful and loyal to only one person. Pero sa ngayon, hanggang family and best buddy lang ako sayo.

3mos rule is about to end. And I am now ready to date again. I'm not the same Rove that you used to know. I cannot tolerate unfaithfulness and disloyalty anymore. Nagising na ko at natauhan na ko. I've already done my best in our 4+ years relationship (friendship and lovers) that's why I don't have any regrets. And it's time for me to go.

As your family, I will just be here to support you until you achieve your dream. And hopefully, one day, I get to see you get married with the person you will love faithfully and be loyal with. And hopefully, you will also be happy and be supportive to what I will do in the future.

I love you my bestie. I love you my little sister. ☺️

Yours truly,
Rove

Rove’s Lovelife

Modified 2:20PM

I don't wanna lose myself while serving the people I love. This is why I also love to have downtime. I'd love to have Me Time more often now.

Single or not, seeing someone or not, I don't wanna delay or cancel my plans in life. I wanna focus on achieving them. I don't wanna think critically about the people around me anymore. Don't wanna give a f***.

I gave チャ two handwritten letters. Every word was thought carefully. Every sentence was coming from my heart and mind. After writing the second letter, I had a peace of mind where I let go of everything - even my romantic love to her. I had a sense of feeling that I no longer desire for her appreciation or for her romantic love. That I'd rather stay single than to chase her. It may be because it was really a turn off to like someone who is flirting with everyone. Then after she has read the second letter, her treatment to me has changed. She suddenly became sweeter to me. She became touchy and started calling me "Ney" more often. She started reminiscing moments we've been together. But haven't told me the "ILY" sentence yet. I'm not sure who am I to her or what are we. She didn't tell anything. So technically, we're still both single. If nililigawan nya ko, then she should inform me. I am not easy to get. Yes, I love her, but as a family. I will still support and assist her throughout her endeavors in life. My only desire are her wellness and see her achieve her dreams in life. Romantically, I'm not ready to like/love her again if there's any. Maybe I was hurt badly or I really experienced a major turn off. Whatever it is, all I know is I need more time. I'm no longer the old Rove who fall easily for sweet treatment even after being hurt badly by the person I loved.

I'm at the point of my life where I don't know who to trust anymore, so I'd rather trust and rely on myself only.

Just like what I told チャ before, kung kami talaga, kami talaga. We should not push ourselves to like or love each other anymore.

It happened multiple times in the past:
- When I was at the lowest point of my life, she left me. She went back when I started feeling good or something good was happening in my life.
- She keeps coming back to Jake every time their LQ has passed. I don't wanna tell or ask anything more about them. It's now none of my business and I don't care anymore. I already lost interest to her romantically.
- She flirts with the people who like her. No, I'm no longer part of their games. I've already signed off from her suitors list.

I think, I have to continue observing チャ. Let's see when she matures in terms of love and relationships. Yes, she is very mature in life, but not in relationships. Maybe this is why my close friends said, she’s still young (age 23). She might be at the age of experimenting whom she really want to spend her life with. Now, I will just be here as her sponsor and supporter of her dreams. Only time will say if we'll end up together in the future. For now, I will just enjoy each other's company as best buddies. 😊

So help me God.

——

Quick observation:
チャ's language of love are affirmation and service. Mine are service and quality time. This means, she might be really testing the waters as of the moment.

Revelation

I thought she's grabbing this opportunity (of being single) to be a better person and get mature. But I was wrong, she's still the same. Doing the same mistakes. And it's a choice, not a mistake anymore. She still flirts with the guys who like her. And they all think that Cha likes them back. Cha seems like playing everyone's feelings. This is not the type of woman I wanna marry. I told her I no longer wait for her to be ready again for a relationship or commitment. I will just wait for the day I can see her grow up and be a respectable woman. I told her I don't wanna be in a relationship with a woman who acts like a girl and just plays around. A girl who is immature, liar, disloyal, and unfaithful. I'd better be alone than waste my time to girls. If there are countless of men dying to be with her or dying for their love to be reciprocated, then let them be. I won't spare a single sweat to win her heart anymore. I'm just lucky I know Cha more than them. And though how many times I give advice to her, they are all empty words without actions. Cha is lucky I am one of the few people in her life who has deep concern to her. If she couldn't see that, then well, it's her loss. I wouldn't let myself get killed in a battle where a woman being fought at is a flirt or immature person. I'd rather be her concerned friend than her romantic partner. I love my heart.

Now, Cha is a no-no for me. It's a big time turn off. Person who is fond of telling lies turn me off. Moreover, people who flirt everyone is a major turn off.

Thank you God. I can now finally say that this is a blessing in disguise. This breakup taught me many things and made me see more things I haven't seen before. You really wanted me not to end up with a girl or immature woman. You really do love me and care for me. 😊

Still, I care for Cha - not romantically but a concerned family/friend. If this is really her, fond of telling lies and flirting with everyone, I can no longer do anything about it. But one thing for isure, she has failed big time as my possible future wife. As a family, I am still here whenever she needs a friend. ☺️ She was put in my life for a reason - maybe for me to learn and also to guide her or teach her lessons.

Every little thing happened in our life has a reason.

Invest in thyself

I'm not sure but seems like チャ is developing a bad habit of lying. She lied to me. She lied to her mom. And she lied to everyone else.

Anyway, she doesn't have to lie to me about having suitors. It's okay. She's single. She can do anything she wants. And I just have to make sure that I will never fall for her again. Yeah, I said I love her. I just love her as a person, a dear friend, and possibly a younger sister. But loving her as my queen and romantic partner? Na-ah. She gives me more reasons to not love her romantically. 😋 I just have to fulfill my promise/purpose, then I'm done. 😁

Life's purpose/mission first above anything else.

As for my relationship status? I'm single. And I can start dating after Aug 25, just to give respect to people. BUT, I don't have time meeting new girls. What I want is to meet new women. Women who are faithful, loyal, kind, and wifey-material. Soon, I'll meet my "the one". Not now but I can wait. I need to be wiser this time about choosing my partner in life. This time, I will marry for sure this woman that's why I need to scrutinize the women I'll possibly date. So help me God.

For now, I'll have to invest and get rich. So that when I meet my soon-to-be-wife, I can marry her in just 2-3 years of dating. 😉

Now, self love. 🥰