My future mrs

I guess チャ will never be my future wife. We have different perspective when it comes to romantic relationship and having a family.

It's better for her to marry a male partner, give birth, and have a "normal" family. She's still young according to her and haven't thought of getting married. And I'm already at the age bracket where I need to be with my last partner to get married, have kids, and have my own family in the future. When I was in my 20s, I already thought of marrying a woman, have kids with her, and have a happy family together. But チャ has different thoughts. Based on her descriptions, she would like to have a male partner.

I think I need to clear things out as early as possible with her. If we don't share the same goals when it comes to having a family, then we need to end our romantic relationship now. We don't want to waste each other's time. I'm hoping that at the early age of 30s, I should have already met my future wife. Then get married once I become 35 years old or less.

God, I don't know where she is. Maybe I already saw her or met her, but haven't got a single clue that she'll be my future mrs. Hopefully one day, I will finally know. For sure, I will pursue her and treat her like my precious queen.

Wherever you are, my dearest queen, please stay healthy and safe. Soon, our paths will cross (again). ☺️

Heart’s Day 🥰

It was a nice experience staying at the office for more than 21hrs already. 😆 This room is my eggshell.

I will head back to condo in few minutes. I am a man of one word. I will do what I promised to do - garlic parmesan wings.

Then after that, maybe I will head back to Cainta with the furbabies. Anyway, チャ didn't confirm if she's going home later. Me and furbabies want to celebrate Heart's Day all together. So it's the best option to reunite with other furbabies back at home than to wait for someone who is 80% sure not going home.

チャ is really a crybaby. Running away to parent's skirt when in trouble - just like her ex. 😆
"Birds of the same feather, flock together." 😅😄
She's also a coward, just like her ex. I thought she is maturing but I'm mistaken. She's almost there, but she chose to curb down and run suddenly. The growth halted. 😅

Anyway, I just have to fulfill my promise then I'm off to go celebrating the rest of my day with my true love - furbabies! 😘🥰

My time is as precious as my life

Haaay. Gusto ko na makipag-break.

I don't want to waste my time to immature people. I'd rather be alone than to spend my time with them. They will do no good to me.

There are still better fishes in the sea. And I don't want to settle less.

God, I still thank you for revealing me truths in my life. It may be hurtful but it's the only thing that makes me grow and realize how I should be selective to people I should trust.

——

Tomorrow, I'll drop by sa condo. I'll get my things and leave a note.

"If you cannot act maturely, then let's break up as romantic partner. Let's not waste our time dealing with immature things. We can still be best friends and family, but let's call it quits for being in a romantic relationship."

Then I'll spend my Valentines with the people that deserve my time. ☺️

Like a nightmare. I only need to pray.

You know the feeling of there are lots of things you wanna do for her.

Like you wanna surprise her with things that only a gf/bf, fiance, or partners can do. But when I was about to conclude my plans, something is stopping me and preventing me from thinking/planning further.

The memories of her and the guy she cheated on me. I can still imagine how they had sex multiple times with me not knowing anything at all. (The idea of her and me making love is *vomit* now.) The times I was crazily in love with her that I was chasing her badly while me having no idea at all, that the reason I was already pushed away was because she already had a new guy. The times I was so dumb that I believed that she has a pure heart and that she didn't mean to hurt me, but then she was already cheating and lying to me for two years. 

Tears are falling right from my eyes when I can vividly remember all these things. There were "I should have" statements after realizing all these things.

I should have left her from the first time she pushed me away for someone else.

I should have stopped following her or visiting her in her office.

I should have moved on during that time.

I should have known what she was doing to me so that I have left earlier.

I should have.. I should have..

I'm struggling to forget everything 100%. I need two years of her being in probation period. And I need two years of consistent words-actions from her for me to see if she has really changed.

This is really difficult for me. I cannot give my 100% to her. I couldn't and I don't want. It's easier to love a new person. You can accept her new and fresh, that you won't think about her past anymore because you weren't there in the first place. That the most important thing is she's loyal and faithful to you during your relationship.

Me? I'm in a difficult situation where I need time and see proofs. I told, "I believe, people can change, no matter how unfaithful there were." But it's easy to say than done. Though how much I love here, I couldn't still give my all. Maybe I am now afraid. I had give my all to her but she broke me multiple times and in the most unsatisfying way. That's why I am afraid for myself - trusting myself to her again. Now that I love myself more than anyone else here on earth. 

For now, I couldn't still imagine her as my future wife and a mother of my future children. Yes, I love her now. The love that you could only give to your family and bestfriend that no matter how they hurt you, you still have concern upon them. But the love that I want to marry her and spend the rest of my life with - no, not yet. It's just 1 month now, there are still 23 months to go...

Anyhow, I just have to move and do my best... my God will do the rest. If He thinks I'm not on the right path anymore, He'll steer my life back on track again, even it means leaving the people I love.

Let Your will thy be done. I commit my mind, my heart, and my body to you. Let the Holy Spirit keep me away from all the evil spirits around me and keep me safe always. Let Jesus Christ be my shepherd that'll direct my life.

Amen! 

Cheers, Leikeze Van Helsing Grand M0nde Earth, Solar System

Breathe in, breathe out

1. This is the nth time na pinapalayas nya ko. Ba’t di ko nalang kaya gawin?

2. “Hindi mag aadjust”. Bakit kapa pumasok sa relationship kung ayaw mo pala mag-compromise. So the other person lang dapat lagi mag-aadjust or compromise? 

Tssss.. very immature. 

Better to teach this kid a lesson. It may not me, but I know someone will.

———

Para akong may alagang bata. 😒

God, hiling ko lang naman ay woman who is mature enough, not a girl who doesn't even realize what she's saying and doing.

Why you are always testing my patience... 😔 You know I don't have much patience with immature acts. I tend to get quiet but I cannot easily shrug it off not until the person finally realizes his/her misdemeanor. Well, I only do it to the people I have concerned with.

——
Alright Rove. Since you know that you are more mature, stop saying more things. Conflict will only get bigger. Just think that you are more mature and you show gentleman-ship to those that are not.

Breath in, breathe out.

Never settle for less

This scene looks familiar.. Haha! I just wanna laugh now.

Remember the previous years I was asking the same question? Same answers and defensive behavior.. "Wala nga." "Pagod na ko magexplain sayo." Etc

What happened after then? After few weeks/months, may nangyari na sa kanila - not once, not twice, but MULTIPLE TIMES! Para intense, they had casual sex ng paulit ulit. And what it made me? A fool! For 2 years+. 😒

Anyway, I've already left since Mar 2019. I'm better off single than to be in a relationship with cheaters and liars.

I still don't even know bakit sinagot ko sya nung Jan 05. 😒 spurt of the moment. Anyway, kahit ganon, I cannot still imagine myself getting married with チャ. Parang I so love myself just to put myself into hell.

We all deserve a loyal, faithful, consistent, and mature partner. And so do I. There are still many good fishes in the sea. And I'm letting my God steer the direction of my life and my future. I will not settle to less than what God has planned for me. When He tells me "that person over there is the one I am preparing for you", then I'll wait. When He tells me, "go and meet her", then I will go. Till then, I will always make myself available while developing myself and preparing myself for financial freedom.

So help me God. Amen!

——

My future wife, just chill and relax. We'll meet someday. When we'll do, I already have the ring prepared. ☺️ And I will already have the house for us. 😉

——

To チャ,
I believe you have changed into a faithful and stick-to-one person. But you still have quite a long way to be mature. And I know, someday, makikita mo rin yung katapat mo. 😊 Always strive to be a better person each day. You'll always be my good friend and a family. 😁

When in doubt, pray.