Be calm

Rove, you might be worrying about her whether does she eat 3 times a day, have enough sleep and rest, taking her vitamins everyday, do exercises, etc. Don't worry. She's an adult now. She can take care of herself. And God will protect and guide her.

If she doesn't talk to you, it means she doesn't need you. Just do what you gotta do - stay fit, get rich, and travel! 😁

It doesn't mean you both don't talk, you have let her go. You just let her to have ME TIME, the thing she's been wanting for so long. I know you couldn't still give her up, maybe because the love and concern are still there.

Trust God. Let チャ do her stuff. If she still loves you, she'll be running back to you. Time can tell what our fate will be. Anyway, you still have 10-20 years to enjoy life and have that special someone. 😁😆

Chase your dreams, not her

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
If it's God's plan, He'll do miracles.

So stop being a jerk Rove! Wag ka muna mag lovelife. Di mo need yan. Payaman ka muna. Do what you should do at a time like this and make plans.

The right one will come to you unnoticed. 😁

Embrace and get up

When you're sad, embrace it. But don't dwell with it for too long. Acknowledge the feeling then get up! You have to move forward.

Same as "when you fall into the water, you'll drown if you keep stayIng in it."

——

I love myself and I choose to be inspired and grow. ☺️ People who choose to stay will celebrate victories with me. 😎

Ciao! 😁

Started using Calm app as my sleep inducing tool since Monday. 😌

Every day workout, build those effin muscles! My rest day today. 😁

Doing meditation since Tue. I tend to fall asleep in the middle. 😆

Not too much workload (yet). 😎

Was invited to a party tomorrow. So lazy to attend because it's too far to drive. 😒 I'll try. Like I've been growing mosses at my feet here at home. And going out feels like a disaster. It's like I'd rather be a homebody this rainy season. 😑 Little bit of playing. Watching the kids play (humans and pets). House chores. Furparent duties. And writing here at my blog. I can practice my grammar here. 😆 Then I remember my English teacher once said when I was in 2nd HS. Use of highfaluting words can't be a measure of your proficiency in English and grammar. Since then, I opt using simple yet clear English words and sentences for my readers to understand what I am saying. I'm not being poetic here anyway. And I'm writing for the purpose of my audience can grasp what I am trying to say. 😁 Same thing when you are discussing in a meeting or class, you cannot use words people can't understand. Americans nor British don't use them anyway in their daily conversations. 😉

It's been a couple of days since Frappe started sleeping with me. Even my sister brings him to their room, Frappe goes out after a while to either eat/drink or toilet. Then straight to my room. I happen to see him sleeping at the floor that's why I bring him to the bed.

I miss my Smoochie. 😢 But there's nothing I could do about it. Her mom has the final say, because she's a mom. 😞 Actually, I miss Smoochie's mom too. But again, there's nothing I could do about it.

Maybe, just maybe, their mom really wanted to live a 'normal' life. Get married to a man and have kids. Even without a battle, I already lost.

On the brighter side, Rove 3.0 will be coming soon. When I become successful and wealthy, women are no problem. They'll be dying to be with me. 😏 Then I just have to choose the best one. 😎 Dubai will be a piece of cake!

"What you think, you become.

What you feel, you attract.

What you imagine, you create."

Long term:

I'll become successful and wealthy!

I'll have my own business - beach resort and a restaurant.

I'll meet my future wife and probably have kids - boy and girl. 

I'll have my own house for my wife, kids, and furbabies.

I don't need MBA to have my business. CEOs don't hire MBAs. Why? Ask them. Haha!

Short term:

Get certified at work.

Buy a lot.

Work abroad.

Most importantly, travel! AU and SK/JP here I come! Oh! Need to work on my Visas first. 😆

Ciao!

If it’s God’s will, it’ll happen

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

Opportunities show up at a times like this. 🤨

Thoughts to ponder

These are the things I want to scrutinize in the lovelife aspect of my life. Why lovelife? Because I'm already at the age of finding my partner I'll be with for the rest of my life.

Okay, I want to think these for the next few weeks.
1. What if チャ is not pretty or beautiful? Do you still like her?
A: Yes. I didn't fall for her looks. I fell for her personality. To tell you the truth, I don't like people who dye their hair. And her hair was dyed when I first met her.
2. What if she'll have that mental illness until she gets old, are you able to bear with it?
A: I think so. I myself have one and have to learn how to handle myself everytime it comes back. I also have a youngest sister who is special and I need long patience when taking care of her. So having チャ won't be different. They all teach me to be more patient and be understanding.
3. What if she's missing body parts *knock on wood* like arms or legs, are you ready to take care of her until the end?
A: I think yes. It's the same as above. Love endures all.
4. What if she beats you everytime she has tantrum? Are you okay with it?
A: Knowing her mental history, I think yes. It's the same as #2. You know what I do when she does that? I hug her. My mistake is I tend to hug her tight that it hurt her. 😞
5. What if she's broke and doesn't have money or anything at all?
A: I told her already in the past that I want to be reliable enough to provide all her needs.
6. What if she has no time with you because of her super busy schedule with her career?
A: Hmmm.. My love language is QT. Maybe we have to talk about it and set schedule even date once a week.
7. Provided that she has dark past, do you still accept her?
A: I accepted and loved her even she doesn't have the same family as others. I saw her sincerity and efforts that's why I given her another chance. And I trusted her again THAT'S WHY I WAS ABOUT TO PROPOSE!

What if she's ugly and fat?
A: Isn't she fat already? 😆 Kidding! Again, I fell for her personality and not her looks. If looks, I should have gotten myself other woman, and not her.

Why did you already answered above. You have to think these over the next weeks since your original plan was to propose to her and spend the rest of your life with her. I want you to be sure if she's really the woman you wanna be with.

HAHAHAHA

What hurt the most?

"When you are preparing something for your special someone then he or she broke up with you days before your surprise."

You asked for another chance, any kind. But you were not given.

Now I know the feeling of people who were rejected when they proposed to their girlfriends or who were left at the altar.

"HAHAHAHAHA!" Ito lang masasabi ko. It hurt so bad na matatawa kana lang. Hahahaha! Tawa lang.

Bahala na! Kung bumalik sya, I'll still accept her with open arms. If not, it means, someone else's arms are waiting for me. ☺️
Mas importante sakin now ay yung wellness nya. True love waits. She taught me to be more parient and I will learn to develop self-control during this time. Ipinasa-Diyos ko nalang si チャ at ロブ. Mas the best ang plan Nya over human's desire.

After ng pandemic na to at open na ang international borders, mag-leave ako 1 month at maglalagalag. Hahaha! Puntahan ko mga places na dapat pupuntahan ko this year. Kung may gusto sumama, go! Pag wala, go parin! 😁

:(

I miss my baby Smoochie. 😢

Nobody beats a positive thinker

今 Time machine に乗り込んで

あなたに会いに行く ことが出来たなら

もう何も願わない

儚くて遠い記憶になる前に

Yeah 二人の想い出忘れてしまう前に

I was not given a chance. Though my plans will not be useless, I lost one of the very important people in my life.

Kayo na po bahala God. You know my heart and thoughts very well. Let Your will Thy be done. I won't do anything anymore, I'll just follow you.

All these rejections, pain, hurts, and sufferings will be my inspiration to work harder and live smarter. This will be my lesson learned. And these blog posts will be the reminders of my pain and suffering. One day, when I look back, I will just laugh at all these things.

I'm a positive thinker. I surely imagine myself owning a beach resort and a restaurant. Very wealthy and healthy physically and mentally. Married to the most beautiful woman on Earth with our fur babies and probably a real human child.

One step at a time. Be one of the best Project Manager in your company, then Program Manager. While doing that, invest and invest to businesses. 

Push through with that short term goal: buy a residential lot. Then after pandemic, go abroad. Adventure surely awaits.

I don't need personal lovelife. Being wealthy will get me the best wife. I have the looks, good body, kind and have sincere heart, loyal and faithful, smart and intelligent, passion and ability to pursue my dreams, and God-fearing. The only thing that's lacking is being wealthy.

---

Thank you Soshi.

Thank you my family.

Thank you my furbabies.

Thank you God.

I'll strive hard for you all! ^_^

Love her so much that I want to win her back

I want to win her back!

チャ, I want to win her back. My love and my woman. ☺️

I want to drive there and see her. But I'm afraid. Afraid that she'll shoo me away again just like in the past. Afraid to be told in my face that she doesn't love me anymore. Afraid that she might have already someone new. I don't know how I will take them.

Sanay na ko nirereject since birth but every time I was being rejected, it hurt so bad that I tend to ignore it not knowing it built up until I'm totally afraid to fight for the one I love. 😢

I'm the kind of person who stays at the corner, just watching my crush from far away. Then pag may pumorma sa kanya, I start forgetting my feelings and start moving on. And this will surely happen kay チャ pag may makita ko pumuporma sa kanya... 😞

I love her so much..that I'm willing to adjust. I'm willing to stretch my patience more.

God, help us both. I pray that she'll forgive me. 😔

Fast talk: Love life

Fast talk

1. Do you love チャ? A: Yes

2. Have you let her go? A: Yes

3. Why? A: Because she told me so and she wanted to.

4. Why? A: Because when you love someone, you should be willing to let her go even it hurts.

5. What if she comes back, are you still going to accept her? A: It depends.

6. Why? A: For me, commitment is very crucial. Relationship is a partner effort, not just the one person. I need commitment that both will work together and not leave the other basta basta without talking/discussing about the issue. The enemy is the issue, not the partner.

7. Do you miss her? A: Yes.

8. How frequent? A: Every day

9. What do you do about it? A: Nothing.

10. Why? A: I have self-respect. You left me. I said sorry many times. I sent messages. If you still don't bother to reply, then it's not my loss anymore. I know I've done my best. And I cannot let myself be a crazy person again chasing the person who doesn't want to be with me.

11. Did you have a plan before you two split up? A: Yes.

12: What is it? Is it okay to share? A: Haha! I can't as it should be a surprise. 

13: What happened on that day? A: Maybe I was got scared a little while planning? Got paranoid and stuff. Adding the mental illness lurking around me like a demon whispering. My questions and requests were overly delivered and misunderstood.

14. Do you think both of you will split up if you two were together during that time? A: No. If that happens, I will hug her right away. Hug her and calm her down while saying sorry. This is what I do if I say things without thinking first. 

15. Why? A: I tend to speak what my thoughts are right away. I'm very impulsive, not thinking the other person first. Well, actually, I after I sent those messages n Facebook, I thought I should have not sent it. I wanted to delete it but you know, FB app doesn't have the feature of Viber or Teams where you can delete your messages when sent.

16. Who do you think has fault? A: I am. I already said sorry.

17: What else? A: If it's not due to pandemic, I have already driven to her to see her and hug her. And say sorry in person.

18. Since everything has already happened, what's your plan?

A: Let her be. If she needed time and space, I'll give it to her. If she comes back, I might accept her with open arms. If not, then it's okay. It's her choice. My utmost desire now is her wellness and happiness (even it doesn't include me).

19. How about you?

A: Grow? Be the 3.0 version of me. Haha! My goals and plans are still there. My plan will still push through, with her or without her. Transferable naman yung plan ko. Hahaha!

20. The L then H? Then the R? LOL! 

A: Yes. LOL!

Thank you for catering this interview. :) May God help both of you grow. Grab this time to reflect individually.

Morning thoughts

I dreamt of チャ again just before I woke up.

I found her in her house, sort of apartment or condo, sitting in the floor. I thought she's going to shoo me away. I hugged her right away. She was saying, "Di na ko papdalhan ni mamy ng allowance at food." She's enrolled to a school and waiting for the classes to start. And at the same time, working. I told her, "Don't worry, andito naman ako. Diba sabi ko sayo dati? Ako bahala sayo. Di kita papabayan. Basta concentrate ka lang sa school, ako na bahala sa needs mo." Then we were hugging until I woke up.

My subconscious mind probably really missed her. Miss the days where she can count on me when she needed someone. This is probably long gone now.

——

Be strong Rove. Continue doing what you have started. You started working out and meditating again. Do it everyday. And in no time, you will overcome your depression and anxiety. Don't think about suicide anymore, it will do no good to you and to your loved ones.

Remember, you have new project coming this Aug. And this probably a big one since you started being a PM (0.5 FTE). You are a full pledge PM. And you know how people get attracted to a PM in IT industry. 😉 (I never thought of that! 😂) You know what I mean. You know someone. 😁 And they now have a baby. (Hahahaha!) Just get those perfect CSATs every time! (Of course!) Anyway, even there's no AF, you can still work out at home. Build that muscles! (Thank you チャ for the protein powder and dumbells.) Yes, thanks to your sponsor. 😁 And the meditation at night, you don't need the relaxing tablet to get asleep, your meditation will do the work. 😆 When you're finally "well" despite these dark weather, you'll attract good things and probably, the next future Mrs. ☺️ So help us God.

Give thanks

I've talked to close friends who are older than me and more experienced than me in terms of romantic love.

They all told me to stop messaging チャ and just let her be. Give her space and time. If she comes back, then she really loves me and really wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I'll accept her with open arms in a condition that we'll both work together to make the relationship lasts. If she'll not, then I have to move forward and let this be a valuable lesson to me.

It's God telling me to either, "Wait, not yet." or "Nope, I'll give you much better than you think."

My utmost desire is her wellness and happiness that's why I agreed to let her go. That's how much I cherish and love her. I really thank チャ for the love and 5 years experience, I really learned a lot. I won't forget all these experiences and lesson because I don't want to lose my next love in the future. I've decided to settle down with my next relationship. :)

**currently listening to GG's playlist**

Malay mo, GG member pala makatuluyan ko. HAHAHA! Pag nangyari to, talo ko pa nanalo sa lotto. LOL! Pero bago mangyari yan, I need to be a deserving person - wealthy, healthy, and strong! Good looking, faithful, kind, hardworking, and God-fearing na ko. Konting spice nalang kulang, I'm perfect! Haha! Perfect for my destined woman. ^_^

One day, I'll look back at mapapangiti nalang ako sa experiences ko (while reading my old blog posts) and sasabihin na "I was mature back then but very impulsive."

Live simply. Dream big. Give thanks. Love freely. Laugh lots.

Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

Realizations

I'm still at work. But taking a break while listening to a happy GG song. ☺️

I now know what those mean.

The person above means I look young. The person below means I am actually old, mature, and enjoying my time. Devoted means I am a devoted person whatever I do. 😁

I saw my old blog entry where I was begging God to bring Fudy into my life. 😆 Fudy is the name I gave to my first relationship (ex). Reading it made me laugh a little. I saw the childish Rove. Then I remember above quote. In my life, I’ve been rejected many times. After I graduated, I applied to 200+ companies, all of them rejected me. Until Oct 2011, HP came to my life. It was one of the best things happened to my life. Then I was working for years, my former teammates were already PM, if not in HO, but in other companies. I thought, maybe being PM was not really for me. Not until I was called and trusted internally then in an instant given projects and now a real PM. I received praises and also had mistakes too. Then tried an Execution Lead role and was not expecting that I am giving advices to more experienced PMs than me. ☺️ I will strive hard to experience more for being a PM. Maybe stressful but the learnings and experiences are incomparable. This is my dream career since I was in 1st year College.

God is really amazing!

He either say, “Yes I’ll give the desires of your heart.” Or “Wait, I will give it to you at the right time because you’re still not yet ready or it’s still not yet ready.” Or “Nope, I will give you better than what you think.”

I may failed in one aspect in life right now - personal lovelife. I will surely have it in the future, in His perfect time and with His chosen person.

I’ve already given my life to Him when I became Christian in Grade School. I had mishaps, most of the times got lost, but keep coming back to Him, may it be in my bad or in good days.

I trust you God. I’ll just do what I have to do and I know you’ll guide me. Thank you for these realizations. I love you God!

False hope

Sheeeeet! Nananiginip na naman ako!!!

Twice ko napanaginipan si チャ. Darn! I might have probably missed her so much.. 😭

One dream, (forgot how) pero I was kissing her in the lips.
Then a second dream followed, umuwi raw sya late night, surprises me. Pag bukas ko ng gate, I found myself flung my arms around her and kissing her in the lips. I was trying to wake myself up kasi baka panaginip. Di ako magising gising until bigla ako nagising, nagmmeow na si Frappe.

God, please don't torture me like this. Dahil ba masakit ang reality ko kaya sa dreams nyo nalang ako pinagbibigyan? Wag na po..you're giving me false hope na she'll return to me as my partner, my woman. Baka nga nasa piling na nga sya ng iba ngayon.. 😔 God, heal me. Mas okay kung bigyan nyo ko ng amnesia or tumor sa utak para makalimutan ko sya completely. My subconscious mind badly misses her. But my reality hurts right now.

Sow Godly things

Another thoughts...

Siguro magsasawa nalang ako kakamessage sa kanya.. For sure di naman sya mawawalan ng kausap.. Andyan naman nag-aabang mga admirers nya. 😆 Masyado na sila marami, ayaw ko na makigulo pa. At hindi ko ugali makigulo pa sa iisang bagay. I grew up being attracted to "outcast" or "loner", and not to famous ones.

Andyan naman si Daryl na since childhood, patay na patay na sa kanya. Andyan din naman si Webster na "office crush" nya. At marami pa sya makikilala. Marami sya makakausap at hindi sya malulungkot. Kung meron man sya mapili sa kanila, agad nya makukuha yun. Dahil di naman mahirap mahalin si チャ, too much to handle lang. Hopefully, kayanin ng kung sino man sa kanila. At wag nila sasaktan si チャ gaya ng mga nagawa ko. And of course, my greatest wish, maging masaya si チャ at matagpuan na nya ung taong never nya igigive up no matter how big the fight they'll have. Na she will learn to focus on the issue dahil yun ang tunay na kaaway and not yung partner nya (kaya nga "partner" eh, tag team, joint forces). And to whom she'll constantly be faithful and loyal with. And of course, whom she'll grow up with and she'll be with for the rest of her life.

In short, yung katapat nyang tunay. ☺️

——

At ganun din ako. 😊 Too bad pinili lang ni チャ to exit agad from your life. Same plan and goal parin Rove, nawala lang yung main cast na isusurprise mo at aalayan mo dapat. 😜

Anyway, buy a land. Go abroad. Dun mo narin tatapusin Masters mo. Then build a house para pag dumating si "the one", wala kana iisipin pa. 😉 Buy engagement ring nalang agad after 2 years of relationship. And of course, yung dream beach resort mo. Good looking ka naman, matalino, masipag, at God fearing, kaya for sure the best din ma-aattract mo na partner.

I will work hard not only for my future but for my future family. I will make sure that I can give them the best of the world. Travel with my partner and show her the beautiful places here on Earth.

Malay mo, sa Iceland or Switzerland kapa makapag propose. 😂 Binoboost ko lang hope mo Rove. 😁

And I told Api to wait for me. Wait nya mabuild ko yung house namin at lilipat na kami dun nila Tiger, Moo, KatKat, MikMik, at Rain. Malaki garden na paglalaruan nila at may own room sila. Wait lang ako ni Api at gusto ko makita nya yung magiging house namin in the future. ☺️

Buti nalang andito pa mga anak ko. Aside from their mom, sila inspiration ko to achieve my goals. But since nag exit na mom nila, okay lang naman din. Mom parin nila si チャ. Di magbabago yun. She still has the authority to decide kung ano magiging fate ng mga anak nya. At dito parin ako to support the kids. ☺️

Tiis tiis lang Rove. Sow hard work and it will reap someday. Sow good things and good things will come to you.

Amen!!!

Morning Frappe!

Frappe Frappe

My foster child. Thank you for dropping by.
You might be already fed up with my ILYs but I mean it, especially now that you're the only one's left I could say ILY to.

When I achieve victory, for sure, you are VIP in my celebrations.

I will surely celebrate with people who stuck by my side once I become a winner. 😁

P.S. チャ was once part of the people who were there when I was at the bottom. But at some points, left me too when I hit rock bottom. I will also celebrate victory with her. 🙂

When dream is better than reality

I had a beautiful dream. ☺️

I kissed チャ in the lips as if we're still together.

Hanggang panaginip nalang talaga kami.. 😢

I need to be strong. Reality bites but need to bear with it and pretend as if I'm okay, that everything's okay. Basta isipin ko nalang, masaya sya without me and yan ang mas importante.

Keep me strong God. I don't want to shed another tears but if I do, I believe one day, I will just laugh at all these looking back.

Be strong and be patient

If you really love チャ, you should learn to let go. Remember, what we desire is the wellness and happiness of our loved ones.

Yep, nagkamali ka. Nagsisisi ka. No matter how many sorrys you'll say, damage has already been done. Wag mo na istoop down sarili mo like what you did in the past. Because you were crazy in love with her, you even went sa condo nila and waited for her for how many hours kahit pinalayas kana ng guard, you went sa CPAR review center and waited till late night not knowing na nasa Cavite pala sya, you skipped work para puntahan sya sa PSBA then nung nalaman mo na wala sya, pinuntahan sa condo and begged in your knees crying, you took SL to drive to her work sa PCBS para maghatid ng office uniform and stuff, and even took half day SL para puntahan sya ulit sa PCBS and waited for her sa McDo, etc. You all did these like a crazy person. Sinabihan kapa ng one of your supporters to stop na and have self-respect. Pero you didn't take heed sa advices nila.

Now, hindi mo na naman pinakinggan advices ng supporters mo to trust チャ. Yan ano nangyari? Nagkamali kana naman. Well, sa mga ganitong panahon (pandemic) talaga nasusubukan ang tao, lalo na ang isang relationship. Tama na, wag mo na sisihin sarili mo. Mahal na mahal mo sya diba? So let go. Basta masaya sya at okay sya, we're good. Have self-respect Rove. You said sorry already at sana mapatawad ka nya.

Ayaw narin natin sya masaktan pa. At mukhang masasaktan at masasaktan lang sya kapag nagstay pa sya sayo. At hindi lang sya. Dahil every time nasasaktan sya at nakikita mo syang umiiyak, ten folds ang hurt nararamdaman mo.

In God's time, everything will be alright. Kung sya talaga para sayo, well, God will do miracles. If not, just pray for her wellness and happiness; at darating din ang tao para sayo.

Sa ngayon, focus and work hard. Continue to sow good things. In the future, you will reap what you sow.

Be strong Rove! And be patient. ☺️

Miss my baby

I miss Smootchie.. 😢

Pero I couldn't react sa picture.

——

Ilan oras na tong frontal lobe headache ko. Since morning pa to. Lalo na nagwoworsen sa gabi. Last month, 5-7 times ako nagka headache. Nakapag break naman ako this July. Pero mukhang bumabalik na naman. Kagabi pa to.

Iba na dala sakin ng depression at anxiety ko, may reoccurring headaches na. 😕

God, kung kukunin nyo na ko, wag naman sana in a painful way. Yung painless or instant nalang po please.

Smile always

Just sayin'

If I don't believe na you're a changed person, hindi sana ko naniniwala every time nakipaghiwalay ka. I believe every word you say, lalo na when I see the efforts and sincerity.

I let go of you, just like what you want. Utmost desire ko lang naman wellness mo, even if it means me disappearing from your life.

I believe in you. Makakamit mo rin mga dreams mo in life even without relying from anyone. Aside from your wellness, I pray that at the perfect time - in His perfect time, you will finally meet the person God has intended for you. Kasi when that comes, for sure, you will fight for him and fight for your relationship because you value the both of you. And God's choice for you is perfect with no frail - believe me. You just have to trust Him. He'll give you the desires of your heart, in His perfect timings. Just be patient. ☺️

Just keep believing. And smile always. Sayang beautiful face mo kung sisimangot ka lang. 😉

——

God, I commit to you this beautiful woman, your daughter. Please keep her safe and sound always. Keep her away from any sickness and accident. Cover her with your Holy Spirit so that she'll be protected from any harm and evil eyes. May you guide her to the path you intended for her. Fill her heart with your overflowing unconditional love. Cleanse her heart and mind from any stress and evil things. Please ease whatever she's experiencing or going through right now. May she have a smile in her face always. May you continually let her feel your presence. I pray all these things in the might name of our Lord Jesus, amen!

"When in doubt, pray." Smile! ☺️

God is my refuge

Kaingget si Gang Tae!!! 🥺 Sana may Ko Mun Yeong din ako na possessive sakin. Hahaha! Makita ko lang Ko Mun Yeong ng buhay ko, hindi na ko papalag. Sasamahan ko sya ipaglaban kami. 😆 Pagawa ako agad ng bahay at engagement ring at mag-popropose ako agad! Hahaha!

S***! Ano ba tong pinapanuod ko. About psychology to and stuff. Ano ba tong iniisip ko... lalo tuloy kumikirot ulo ko. 😖

Pero syempre hindi agad ibibigay ni God tong hinihiling ko. It's either "yes, I'll give it to you" or "Wait, the best is yet to come."

On the other hand, I lost my real Ko Mun Yeong just earlier today. It’s because of my stupidity. I haven’t learned my lesson still. 😣 Kahit gaano ko kamahal yung tao at gusto ipaglaban, ayaw ko pagpilitan sarili ko sa taong ayaw na sakin. Dahil imbes mapasaya ko sya, baka lalo ko lang sya masaktan. Sanay narin naman ako mag-isa, since birth. At mas desire ko ang true happiness ng mga loved ones ko kesa happiness ko. Just to see them smile makes me smile too. Ayaw ko na makasakit, lalo na si チャ. It breaks my heart ten folds every time makita ko sya umiiyak (I swear).

Baka di na ko bigyan ni God ng love life sa entire life ko dito sa Earth dahil sa ginawa ko ngayon araw na to. 🥺

Pero be patient Rove.. ☺️ Deal with your headache first! Ilang linggo na yan pabalik balik. 😒 Pag okay kana physically, emotionally, and mentally, sige go! Lumipad kana sa kung saan mo gusto at magpayaman kana. At may chance, makikita mo rin yung talagang Ko Mun Yeong ng buhay mo. 😉 Don't ever lose hope with life. Remember, the Earth has more than 8 billion people. At isa dyan ang nilaan ni God para sayo. To fight for you. And someone you'll spend the rest of your life with.

Be patient and don't lose hope. ☺️ God is always with you, who will come against you?

Savage love

Langya. Bigla naman ako nainggit sa pinapanuod ko. 😆 sana all~

Oh well, I am thousands steps away pa from my happy ending. For now, need ko muna magpagaling from this re-occurring headache. Then magpagaling from this mental sickness. Konting months nalang din naman hihintayin ko bago mag normal ang Earth. Haha! Then saka ko na aayusin visa ko. Then getting rich ay hundred steps away nalang. Then few steps away nalang from my happy ending. ☺️

God will bring us to the plan He intended us to be. I just have to be patient. I know my wealth and my woman are currently work in progress.

P.S. Atleast alam ko na paano mag pa-customize ng engagement ring. 😉 Tiffany & Co or alike, you deserve to be in my woman's hand. ☺️ Soon...


Sent from my iPhone

チャ

To the woman I thought was my happy ending:

Thank you for everything. We all know that our relationship had become toxic. I had (and reoccurring) depression and sometimes fail to handle it. And I know that you have too, you just don't want to admit it. Instead of me supporting you, taking care of your health, I even added to your pain. I even given you much suffering. I'm so sorry. No words can take back the pain I caused you.

I cannot blame you if you chose to give up on me or give up on us. It's not your fault, please know that. Instead, my only desire is your good health physically, mentally, and emotionally. I will let you go if it's the only way for you to become healthy and be happy again.

I treasure you so much that I'm willing to forget my romantic love for you. Please forget me if it's the only way for you to get better. Your wellness is my utmost desire. I love you more than any romantic love.

I'm sorry. Thank you. And I love you.

P.S. Wag palipas ng gutom. And always have ample rest. Papangit ka nyan, sige ka.

-R

Thank you for the breathe of life

Don't worry if people give you up, Rove.

People that stay with you through ups and downs deserve your celebration when you become winner.

Thank you God. You constantly giving me hope in life.

Flashed video in my mind:

I was able to buy a land while still WFH. Then after pandemic, started fixing my papers and went abroad. Applied for a school. Went home and resigned. Went back to (blank) and started another chapter of my life.
After 2 years, was able to build my own house in the land I bought.
Then after 2 years, I'm engage to the woman I dreamt of spending the rest of my life.
I look back 5 years ago, I was browsing the brand Glamira for an engagement ring. And I can only afford the ~50k that time. Now, I was able to buy my woman a Tiffany & Co engagement ring.
Right at this moment, I am relaxing, sitting at the couch with my fiancé sitting beside me, holding hands, while we're watching the sunset from our beach villa.

Thank you God for this short movie and giving me hope to move forward with my life. I will not succumb to this sickness. These heartbreaks and pains will be my inspiration to move forward, dream, and work hard. I will keep myself clean and pure until the day I meet the woman I'm going to spend the rest of my life with.

Let your will thy be done. Please keep me away from all evil people and things that are lurking around me. Cover me with your Holy Spirit and guide me to the path you intend me to be.

I love you God! And thank you for this breathe of life.

Love is patient, love is kind

7/21

Was browsing for engagement rings and woah! They ARE A LOT! And quite expensive! Haha!

Even though there's a 60 day return policy and 60 day free resizing, I still need to be sure first. The ring I chose will cost me much. And I can say, very much.

For now, I better save that money to buy a land and a house. Between a ring and a house & lot as gift, I'll go to house & lot. Haha! I'll go with my goal first. Then when everything is settled, I'll start saving up for that ring. And hopefully, when that day comes, I'm already prepared and ready and so with チャ. 

Love is all about patience. So I need to wait and this will also test our love.

God, let your will thy be done. I pray for both of us, to be loyal and faithful till the perfect time has come.

——

Update 7/23

Lord God, I am only human and very frail. I really wanted to trust チャ 100%. But sometimes, it bothers me that she cheated a lot of times in the past. And not just simple cheating but a very grave cheating that you won’t get back to someone ever again after doing it you.

You know my thoughts well. That if I were myself, I would never get back to チャ ever again. Actually, I have already moved on last year. But because she pursued me and I can really see her sincerity and effort, I given her another chance.

I thought it’s as simple as like that. But no, I was wrong. She re-connected to the guy just last Dec 2019. No malice she said but it’s obvious that she had not moved on from him that time. Then I had to let go again. I really didn’t wanna get back again, atleast save myself from more heartaches and headaches.

Then recently, June-July, she was flirting via social media with her guy “friends” who’s one of them kept on sending “I love you” emails. That she didn’t bother to tell to stop. Reason? “He’s a bestfriend.” I should have asked her, “me or your ‘bestfriend’?” If she said him, then final goodbye as my romantic partner.

Now, I notice that she’s trying - even thru chat. I can see the effort. But I can not be 100% confident as it’s only virtual. We won’t know if she’s like that also with her “bestfriends”.

God,
I will be patient. I’ve done so many mistakes. I can even no longer give my whole trust to her as “trust once broken, it will never be the same again”. God can only make us whole again, bring back the original figure of trust.

Please guide me God. Help me think and know if チャ is really the person I should propose to. I want to see her mature and has really changed - 180 degree turn.

I’ll lift up to you my mind and heart to decide, oh God. Love is patient. Love is kind.

Thank you God as always, for everything. For healing my wounds and helping me stand up again. I love you God.

You are loved 😊

The other night, I was browsing the internet, checking for engagement ring. I already chosen one. But had second thoughts so I stopped.

Why? I still have doubts and what ifs.

What if チャ's hiding something from me, like is/was cheating again? Though the ring has 30 days refund, I cannot afford to waste my precious time planning at things that I am not 100% sure.

I also thought, one day might arrive that チャ finally decide to whom she wanted to go with. And one day might arrive that "the person" meant for me finally get my attention. I don't wanna slip any opportunity ending up with the true queen I will serve for the rest of my life.

"Not saying anything is the same as lying about it." This is why I am doubtful about チャ's loyalty and faithfulness.

Anyway, my love for チャ as a best friend and sibling is still there, nothing changed. But my love as a lover or romantic partner has already changed since May 2019. And it will never be the same again. "Love without trust" is senseless. This might be the reason I need at least 2 years to prove that チャ has really changed - and that's until Dec 2021.

Don't hurry Rove. Your perfect match might be just around the corner, waiting for the perfect opportunity to get your attention (since your eyes are currently set to チャ only). Try to be open minded to people again. 😉

Remember: You are loved. You deserve better. Your loyalty and faithfulness deserve a right person.

You are no longer my queen since last year

Matagal na kita sinukuan. Last year March pa.

Yang mga admirers mo at manliligaw mo, bahala sila magkagulo sayo. Ganda lang nakita nila at kung ano nakikita nila sa social media. Tingnan nalang natin kapag nalaman na nila ugali at personality mo. Ewan ko nalang kung tumagal sila. Kung oo, eh di good. Baka nakita mo na katapat mo.

Pero gaya ng sabi ko, di ako ang katapat mo. If you keep on cheating and flirting (chat flirting) your "friends", proof lang yan na hindi ako ang taong magpapabago sayo. You are very free to go.

I also deserve a faithful and loyal partner. Someone who deserve my loyalty, care, and service.

:)

Ba't ang tanga tanga ko???

Paulit ulit na ko niloloko, nainiwala parin ako sayo...

Pero yung nararamdaman ko now, di na kasing sakit ng nararamdaman ko dati... yun biglang galit, hindi na nag-reoccur...

Maybe because, I love myself more now...

Trust. When broken, not the same again.

Trust. When broken, not the same again.

Nevermind them

I just thought... part of me is not the same anymore.

Way back, when we fight, I tried hard ti fix the problems. Because I was fighting for our relationship dearly.

But after what happened, all the cheating she did, and I've learned my lesson, I always thought I wanna break up. I don't want wanna deal with people like them. People who are very unappreciated and ungrateful for all the hard work I've done. They left me on my darkest days, so they deserve my greatest days.