I lift everything back to you oh God

Lord, what happened?

For an instant, the demon took over our mind and body. Maybe this what happens when God is not the center of your relationship.

I've been abused verbally and physically. Well, she was at some way. Everybody knows that it's not healthy anymore to be together.

God, babalik na naman ba ako sa umpisa? 😅 Wala na ko nakeep na relationship. It was tiring, taking care of myself, my furbabies, then someone else. Haha. Maybe it's not for me. I'd rather be single? What you think? I have to improve myself first.

This is the first step. I'll do solo travels, starts with Taiwan. Haha! Goodluck to me. But it would be revitalizing. (Forgot the right term)

I got to sleep. I have a medical early tomorrow morning.

Please keep Carol safe oh God. Kahit na nag-away kami at wala na kami, minahal ko naman sya. Please be with her and keep her away from any harm. Amen!

No more chasing pavements 😆

If previously, I get excited to go somewhere with my partner… Now, I don't care at all.

If previously, I'll chase my partner wherever she'll run to… Now, I don't care at all.

If previously, I get concern whatever she'll do… Now, I don't care at all.

I am putting back my wall.
Self-love. Self-respect.
If I've never use Pride, then I'll use it now.
Had to remind myself to never chase people again. I learnt the hard way.
No explanations needed.

To Carol

Hi,

I'm shocked that we made this far, 3 years.
I don't know what happened but we both know our relationship is going down hill. My one mistake, you never have forgiven it as if we're married couple. You don't see me as a partner anymore since then but an enemy.

Now, I've realized, I'm done doing everything I could. I remember myself saying, "I don't wanna be the old Rove anymore, chasing the people who don't even like me around in the first place. I'm better off alone." No more pleasing anyone. Done compromising, done lowering myself down. I tried putting down my walls for you and letting you see my vulnerabilities. It turned out, you didn't like my bad side or vulnerable side at all. I should have not put my guards down. If I will, 25% or just for you to see me speak will be enough.

Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me realize that I cannot love a person anymore just like what I did in the past. They'll just hurt me.

Relationship, if ever finds me again, will be just my playground and past time. No more getting serious or anything. Back to enjoying myself.

——

God, I know this is not like you. But please help me put my guards up again. And whatever happens, cannot be break by anyone. Thank you and I love you. And most of all, I'm sorry.

Heck of a life

Papagod na ko… paulit ulit nalang..

Masaya, malungkot, madrama, failure, etc.
Nakakaubos lang ng energy..boring pa.

Ayaw ko na magcontinue sa life. Wala naman sense.

Pag nag suicide ako, lahat ng insurance ko ay maiinvalidate. Kahit yung mga MIR ng loans nakapagalan sakin, invalidate rin. And my family has to pay for them. Hmmm.. for the sufferings I felt from the world, I think it's justified to give it back to the world.