ma chérie

My love's/sweetie's good morning to me is an "I love you 😘".

Hope it does not change even we're already together physically. I feel like a kid when in love. 😅😂 Her smile is contagious. I wanna see it everytime.

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We had a talk last time. And based on those discussions, I told her that it seems like I will be under her. 😆 She then said, "Kaya tinanong kita kung sure kaba." I just laughed and said, it's okay. And told her something like, "let's see if you can control/tame me." She said, when she gets angry at me, she'll just block me in all comms. The duration of not talking to me depends on how grave my offenses are. 😅 At kahit suyuin or lambingin ko sya, it will not take effect. And I said to myself, "I gotta be careful not to make her angry." 😅 Twice na nya ko napaluha kahit di pa kami. 😆 So, need extra careful on my actions and on how I think.

Last night, we had a talk about 'sleeping habits'. She couldn't sleep with someone beside her touching her. 😳 So that means, when we travel together, either I get a twin bedroom or get a very large bed and make sure my body won't touch hers. And she said, her sleep is very important as she tends to vomit in the morning from lack of sleep. And when she suddenly wake up in the middle of the night, she couldn't sleep anymore. Her sleep is much important than our relationship. And she quoted, "Di bale walang jowa, basta may tulog." So sleep is lifer for her. 😆

She also have "not allowed" food and drinks. She can only drink water. 🤭 No salty food (which I love!), no streetfood, no noodles, no balut (oh em!), no small beans, etc. That means, when we're together, I got to ask her what she would like to eat and is okay for her. 🤪

I got to be extra careful when she's around. Anyway, I'll be under her, I guess. 😅😂 Her wish will be my command. 😆

Random Thoughts

Just some thoughts..

Why after fighting for 5 years, you have finally given up on Cha?

I think I've answered this already from my previous posts.

Tired of chasing and begging someone to stay and be loyal and faithful to me.

I think, Cha really wants to have a boyfriend. She just doesn't want to hurt me by telling it directly to my face. If she's not and was contented with me, she won't ever cheat. First one, Daniel. I let it pass because she said he's a childhood bestfriend. Second, Jake. This is the most hurtful one. I forgave her. Last one, Daryl. Another childhood bestfriend. (Really, how many childhood bestfriends does she had relationships with? 🤪) I don't wanna know anymore when their affair has started.

Once is enough. Twice is too much. Thrice, it's already my fault. 

Despite these, I fought very hard until the very last moment. No regrets. I did my best. But it just happened that the other person didn’t want to fight for us anymore.

Why chase and beg for someone if the right person is out there waiting? God really works in mysterious ways. And there's a reason why He let me and Cha met 5 years ago - probably to teach both of us a lesson. After 5 years, I have let go everything. God saved me from a lot of trouble. I just have to lay all my life and plans unto Him.

Now, I think I found my right person. Hopefully she is. Still praying for God's direction. 😊

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At the end of the day, “people change, people move on”.

3 Decades of Adventures! (Happy Birthday!)

Hey! I got a birthday escapade for my 3 decades! 

Went to Batangas with family. I had bad migraine though on the first day that's why I was only sleeping the whole night from late afternoon. 😔 I was also not able to eat dinner because I got bad stomach (vomited the food I ate that time). The next day, Oct 17, I was able to eat well and swam in the morning! 😀 I don't know how to equalize anymore when I free dived. 😕

My phone's signal wasn't working from the time we arrived in Batangas on Friday. I received few SMS and miscall from Carol on Oct 16th. Then the only call and SMS I received on 17th are from Cha. I'm not sure what happened though. Haha! Cha has still a special space in my phone and in heart too. She's a family. 😊

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We celebrated again on the 18th, Sunday, at home with samgyupsal party and some Soju. This time with my father and other nephews who were left at home. 😁

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Also on this day, Carol finally said "yes" after few days of "thinking". 😅😆 We're now officially a couple. 😊 Not sure how will this work, the LDR. It's my first time. 😅 But I don't wanna pressure her or myself. Because it's pandemic, we know it's not possible to fly and see each other. Again, we have to be patient until the day we can see each other again in person. When we fell in love, we didn't put so much effort into it. It's like the destiny was working for us to talk and hangout (even virtually). And again, just like what she always say, "if it's meant to be, it's meant to be, whatever happens". But she was the one who first initiated and wooed me. Hahaha! Guess what? What's our call sign? (I didn't know at first that term, "call sign". Just learnt it from her. 😆) "LOVE" 😨 It makes me cringe every time. But I have no choice, that's what she wants. 😅

I'm still praying that I've already found my "The One" that God has been preparing for me. If Carol is still not the woman destined for me, I don't know anymore. Haha! I've already laid all my plans and my life to Him.

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

What’s up

I'm still emotionally and mentally exhausted.

I'm a negativity absorber. I want to fly away, together with my furbabies, from people and from mess.

I really appreciate the effort of Carol for checking on me or talking to me from time to time. Her smile is like a sunshine to my gloomy weather.

I so much love my furbabies. They comfort me whenever I'm sad or stress. They are my happy pill. I will never leave them no matter what. If I'm going to choose between my family or my furbabies, I'll choose my babies. If will choose between a romantic partner or my furbabies, still same choice.

Seek Him First

Mentioned previously that Carol and I are both cautious to enter into a commitment. 

She showed me earlier the blueprint of the house she made supposedly for her and her ex's house. She was about to build the house and show as surprise. But they broke up after 6 years and she never had a chance to let her ex know about her plan.

I was about to buy the residential lot in a subdivision for our future house of me and my ex. And was also about to get the engagement ring and propose. But she broke up with me after 5 years together. I tried to tell her that those were supposed my surprise after she left me. Not sure if she ever found out.

I guess God has a way of protecting both of us from the wrong people. It saved us from lots of headaches.

Now, she started going into piggery business to maybe fund the future house she wanted to have for her and her future partner.

I used the money instead for my graduate school and a beach residential lot in an exclusive seaside subdivision for me and my family.

Though Carol and I like/love each other, we have to wait until we see each other again and maybe officially get into a commitment. Though we both desire for our next relationship be the last one, we both know that we should not talk like it's the end and will not change ("wag magsalita ng tapos").

"People change. People move on."

At the end of the day, it's still God's plan and direction that will win.

Make it right

I've read in 7 Habits or in How to influence..

Using the partner or other persons's weakness to manipulate him/her into my advantage.

I am guilty of this! This is one of my biggest mistakes I've done to Cha in our relationship. Making her feel guilty for almost all the things I said.

Now, I don't wanna do this anymore. This time, I need to change for the better if I really want to be the right person for Carol. As time goes by, she is opening up to me little by little and I get to know her (thanks to my knowledge of psychology). I don't want to make her angry again. She tends to instantly block me to all modes of comms when she got mad and not talk to me for minimum of 24hrs. 😣

If Carol is really the right person God has prepared for me, I have to do my very best to change within.

P.S. They said, it's always easy to start a new relationship than to maintain it. For me, it's the other way around. 😆 I have to introduce myself again, know the other person, etc.

TBT from 11 years (FB)

11 years ago, I had puppy love. 😆

I wonder what and who will be my TBT after 5 years. Haha!

Let It Go

While going through my things for the last docs or things Cha owned, I saw the handwritten letter she gave me last 2016/2017.  Nothing. Haha!

Then this Christmas handwritten quotes she gave me. Something like, "Whether to walk away or try harder. Choose wisely." Well, this time, I chose to walk away. I already fought very hard. To the extent of risking my physical, mental, and emotional health 

Just like what Angeline Jolie said, "I don't chase people. I attract." I'm done with chasing Cha. I'd rather stay single than continue liking her. Not worth it. 

It's never easy for me to let go of Cha nor the things we shared together. It's really difficult. But I need to do it and overcome it if I want to welcome and give space to greater things into my life. And I did it - finally learned to let go everything! 😁 With God's help of course!

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

My God’s Woman

From the day I started renovating my room until the day I removed my things from Cha's, I've realized many things.

1. Before entering into a relationship/commitment, make sure you and your partner should have similar view in life.
2. Make sure that both of you share the same goals for your relationship. E.g. One you will be for the rest of your life, marriage, etc
3. Ang hirap pala ayusin set-up ng mga bata kapag naghiwalay parents. 😅 Both parties gusto makasama yung kids. 🙁
4. Ang hirap pala maglinis at mag-ayos ng mga gamit kapag naghiwalay na. 😅
5. Ayaw ko na maranasan ulit ang heartbreak. Baka di lang stress at acute cyst ako mgkaroon. Baka next time, ikamatay ko na. 😒

I may had a failed long-term relationship, but it doesn't define who I am. I thank God and Cha for teaching me so many things. And I hope I will remember them always and become more mature.

This time, the next person God will introduce to me hopefully is the woman He's been preparing for me, my The One. I want to be the right person for her. I will do my very best to keep her, serve her, respect her, and make her happy. "Happy wife, happy life."

Let Your will thy be done.

Entrusted to Him

Carol and I are not forcing love with each other. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. We already entrusted our life, even our lovelife, to Him.

So now, it's just okay that we both know that we really like each other. Then if we're really meant to be, then we will eventually become a couple. In God's perfect time, everything will make sense.

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On the other side, bits of bits of memories are popping in my head once in awhile - good memories with Cha like travels, dinner dates, etc. I will treasure them forever. ☺️

Be The Right Person, Rove

S***! Parehong pareho sila ni Cha.

Yung akala nila ina-accuse ko sila of being unfaithful at nirereto ko sa iba. I don’t really mean anything of that. Sometimes, it’s out of jealousy. Sometimes, they are just plain questions. This is the reason why Cha left me, she’s already fed up with me.

When my special person is being open and honest to me, I show doubts. When she keeps a secret to avoid me from getting jealous, then when I found out, I show accusations. What’s up me?!?!? I should learn how to keep my mouth shut, trust my special someone 100%, and be confident about myself.

God, thank you for giving me a second chance in love. To make me realize my flaws and correct them, even though it costs new person to teach me a lesson. I can imagine you saying to me, “You’re a hard headed child. Do I have to introduce you to Carol for you to realize things and  change?”

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

Doofus Rove

Haaay.

Carol and Cha are the same. I am just asking. Yes, sometimes there's jealousy. But most of the times, none.

Same na same sila sumagot. 😒 They really can't handle me? I know there's something wrong about me.

I have to fix myself. I think I really need time. Maybe Carol is the right person but I'm still the wrong person just like Cha and Rove.

I’m always the wrong person for the right person.

Horse inside me has to be unleashed. Ayaw ko muna ng romantic relationship. 😞 It’s better to be single, Rove. Para walang nagagalit at wala rin bigla nalang mawawa ng parang bula.

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This is what I don’t like. When my special someone got mad at me, that’s okay. But don’t always conclude that we’re done then be gone like a bubble and not talk to me anymore, after me saying ‘sorry’.

When I get hurt for so long, I tend to move on. When I did, I won’t like/love you anymore the way I used to be.

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Ayaw ko na magka-lovelife ng same race ko, in short Pinoy. When I’m joking, they treat it as I’m serious. When I’m serious, they treat it as if I am joking. 

When will I be a right person for someone... 😞 I should work harder to be one.

Who is she

Random thoughts..

There are few times I am dying to see Carol in person. That I would like to hug her. And maybe kiss her. I think I am really in love with her.

Does it mean, I have already moved on from my past? I guess so. Because I am unable to like two or more persons at the same time. 😁 I don't have that kind of talent. 😋 Haha!

Carol had been from two long-term relationships (6 years each; started at 16yrs old). And I had been from one long-term relationship (4.5 years; already 25yrs old). So it's understandable that we're both cautious in entering into a new commitment. I would like her to be my last but we both don't want to "magsalita ng tapos". We don't have any idea who are the persons God has been preparing for us or destined for us. I told her that we should wait until we see each other again and maybe commit. That if it's really God's will, we can wait patiently and faithfully until it's now okay to air travel and meet.

P.S. Still praying for that woman God has been preparing for me. No idea who is she. I just have to be patient and change myself to be a better person and be the right person for her.

To my ex

To my ex.

Not today but last Aug 2020. 😊

——

Oct 2 is my first ex’ birthday. Every year since we split up, I greet her on her birthday. We’re still good friends. And this will also happen with Cha, my last ex. 

It’s really liberating when you know the truth. ☺️

Just like what Carol has said, “Wala sa tagal ng pagsasama yan, nasa tao yan.”

When you found your right person, time doesn’t matter anymore. 😊

Live in the moment

Just some random thoughts...

Maybe I met Cha in the wrong time. Time wherein she's about to experience quarter life crisis and still doesn't know who she really is and what she really likes/wants in life.

Maybe this pandemic will last for a year. End around Feb/Mar 2021? And since I live in PH, travel domestically won't still possible till then. 😔

Then I will be stuck here??? No lovelife for Rove till then? Haha! I'm supposed to meet Carol once air travel ban has lifted.

It's always easy to start a new relationship than to fight for the previous or existing one. Why? People just like it. Only strong people withstand through time. Though I was willing to do that (was about to propose remember?), my ex-partner was not. 😔 I always just say to myself that maybe, it's God's plan. He wanted to save us both because we're still not yet ready or He has different persons prepared/destined for us.

Whatever God's plan is, I don't have any idea. What I can only do is to live in the moment. Live in the PRESENT.

Now, it's easy to spend time with myself, my furbabies, and my family. Maybe it's God's plan then. It's also easy to talk to Carol. Maybe it's God's plan too.

P.S. Carol and I don't always talk. In a day, 30mins to none at all. Probably we're already mature enough not to always have a chat or call 'cause we know we have our own activities too and we are confident with each other.