Time is nothing without consistency

You don't have to know what's up with me, what I go through, or what difficulties I went through the day. It's not like I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you for you to know the details of my every day. It's not like I'm planning my future with you. Well, I used to. Not until I've learned that you were just fooling me for half of the time we're in a relationship. And I've learned how stupid I was for not noticing - for not noticing the signs and not taking heed some of my friends' advice.

Now, every mistake you make is very vulnerable to making me think, "you are still the same". Each day you impress me with your maturity is one step farther to what you had become. But with just one mistake, what you've build so far crumble back to square one. Why? It's even not yet a year since I told you, "I need 2 years to prove you have changed".

I cannot still remove the possibility of you getting back together with your ex-affair. Why? You had overcome all the possibilities in the past, so it's not impossible for you to go back to the way you had. 😏 "People are complicated." They might be loyal to you now, but the next day, they are spending their night with someone else. And I'm even not close to not remembering of the instances you cheated. They are like small memories or small realizations that pop out of my mind out of nowhere unexpectedly. And this is why I need 2 years, but it's just not 2 years. I want to have a consistent clean track for 2 years - that maturity continually shows. But I know it's difficult for you especially if it's unnatural to you. But don't worry, it's also difficult for me - to trust again 100%.

Hope you've learned that "words should be consistent with actions". Maturity doesn't not come overnight, you have to work on it and be consistent about it.

God bless us all.

Rove deserve more

You know what, I will not entrust myself to you again.

Do you want me to entrust Rove to you again? Prove it. In 2 years, prove that you are a change person. Then let's see after 2 years. Consistency is the key.

Trust Him 101%

Yo!

I've been looking for potential gift since last month for your mom. I don't really need an occasion to give her one. But another side of me was saying, "Be careful. Don't invest too much." "You might give her a beautiful gift and a little bit expensive, then she'll reconnect with her ex-affair again." Etc etc.. it's like, "Don't invest full-blown yet to the person that you are not yet 100% sure." 😞 As I said, I am more cautious now. I don't want to get hurt or hurt myself from the choices I've been doing.

I just need to trust my God. He'll give the woman of my life who will I marry in the future. 😊

Amen!

Mature relationship FTW

For the 4 years relationship we had, 2 years we genuinely loved each other. The latter 2 years, your love was a lie. You were a cheater and a liar. You've been cheating on me for 2 years already.

With that said, I also need 2 years to prove that you have changed - become mature, consistent, loyal, and faithful. If you cannot do that, you better find someone else. Because I will never sign-up myself to any of your games anymore. I'm way passed that and already tired of it. I deserve a mature woman and a respectable wife in the future - not some little sister I will take care of. 😋

I dreamt of you

Now if I'm going to think of it over again... I might need to get myself a girlfriend again. Not just any girlfriend, but a mature woman who can inspire me, support me, and push me beyond my limits. And she should be a woman I'm going to marry with in the future. I don't want to be in a relationship again wherein it feels like I'm taking care of a little sister.

When I'm finally comfortable with my new work and studies, I will consider going back to dating processes again. 😋 She must have already waited too long for me. 😆

Whats up Rove

Yo! Long time no entry! 😆

There were lot of things had happened. I was supposed to send one entry yesterday but I chose to sleep. 😅

My PM role has just started. I now have two lanes and I'm pretty sure it will grow. At the very start of the project, I already encountered a resource problem. Waha! Nice!

My Assoc. PM role in another program is also difficult because of difficult stakeholders. 😞 And I also understand clearly that they all had a bad start.

My role with PE, not sure what else to be left. Haha.

Non-work related, my Masters. Thank God it's not stress dragging. Haha.. Just have to bear with it and make the most of it. I got to learn a lot and I should get something in return.

My fitness... I didn't went to gym this week. 😭 And I only had once last week. I miss working my ass off in the gym. Weight lifting is my stress-reliever. To be able to carry heavier weights, I will just imagine the people who bring me stress and they become my inspirations - that doesn't exclude my ex, チャ. 😜 She was one of my inspirations why I always pushed my self more. "Cheater like you, don't deserve great people like me!" Then "Arghhh" while lifting the bars. 😁😆

Lovelife? Na-ah. She's still not consistent. Words are not perfectly in sync with actions. But I can see some efforts. Little by little, I can see some maturity. Hopefully, it will continue. But just like what I said, I need 1-2 years to prove that she has changed - no longer a cheater nor liar. It's still too early to decide that she's now a changed person - faithful and loyal.

Nevertheless, I'm still single. 😁 I just need to continue developing myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially - then whoops! Great woman will come to me. 😋 Haha!

Thank you God for everything! Love you!

Sent from my iPhone