Do i deserve one?

Karapat dapat paba ko pumasok sa isang relationship..?

I lost my first love because of me. I lost my baby cat because of me. It's all because of me. Then do i still deserve to have someone?

I tried quite hard. Joined a dating site to see if i'll be able to meet someone. But seems like He doesnt want me to as people in the site gradually lose interest in talking to me. Okay. Maybe my next relationship cant be found here. Well then, i gotta go outside. Hopefully in Japan para hindi na ko lumayo.. If not, sa Europe pa when I take my master's. *sigh*

RIP Raffles 04/07/2013-05/15/2015

My baby Raffles suddenly left me. :'( Or I should say, I failed to see that she's going to leave me.

I finished reading Time Keeper few days ago. The lesson of the story is to appreciate the things and people we have as of the moment and dont look of the things we dont have. Then I told myself, "Yes I should stop asking the things I dont really have but make the most of the time with the people I have now." But I failed to see that Raffles is one of them. If only I knew, I should have spent more time with her. It's my fault - all my fault. If only...

I dont deserve a thing - a relationship, a companion. I always fail to see the things God wanted me to see. If only I had more time or became smarter to know it asap. If only...

Im a loser. Big time loser.

Rejection, always part of life

When was i got rejected for the very first time? Dont know! Cant remember. All i know is, i got rejected many times already - by my teacher, friend, crush, etc. They made me tough but then a little bit cautious. Or maybe, cautious about telling other people what i really feel.

It was like i preferred being quiet and doing nothing. But i should overcome that. Need to voice out what i really feel. Dont fake it. It's easy to say but difficult to do. Well~

"Where are thou, watashi no soulmate."

Soulmate or sole mate

Nagkakagusto ako..pero wala naman gusto sakin. Kinukulit ko, dinadaldal ko, pero wala effect. Na-ffeel ko lang na parang pinagpipilitan ko lang sarili ko kahit na hate na hate naman ako.

Hindi na pedeng makakita ako na gusto ko at magugustuhan din ako? Haaaay. Or torpe lang talaga ko? Or duwag? Hindi ko alam! Or ayaw ko lang talaga yung pinagsisiksikan or pinagpipilitan ko ang sarili ko sa bagay na ayaw naman sakin. Maybe because I love myself that much? I dont know!

Hopefully matagpuan ko na ang isa sa mga soulmates ko..kahit saan pa ng mundo sya naroroon. Sana magkita na kami...

What tomorrow holds

Have started cleaning up...though im quite not sure what will happen to me the next day. I just always lay everything to Him as I dont know anymore. -_- Love u God. Please help me. I will just do what you want me to do for the day. :) thank you for all the blessings and LOVE!! ^_^

Extra: "Being chased by men but is chasing women." Haha!