Looks like lovelife is my Achilles' heel. A torpe like is very difficult to find a forever partner. Though I am torpe, I know that I am a faithful and loyal person. I don't steal someone else's partner. I respect people as much as I respect myself.
Cha is one of my soulmates. Big chance, we'll not end up together. Only 10% of soulmates end up together. Kidding! I don't know! It's just my wild guess about the statistics. ð
I had one PMR and I had a hard time concentrating to everything they were saying. I couldn't focus. I didn't get all they said. It's like my mind has stopped processing everything and it wondered. Then it shutdown. Well, except for the fact that Taylor’s Me song keep on playing on my head since last night. ð
I didn't get enough sleep last night and kept on waking up in the middle of the night. My insomnia is beginning to strike again. I lost appetite since last night but I pushed myself hard this afternoon to eat brunch. It feels like I'm losing weight but I should not! All my hardwork so far about gaining muscles will be wasted. ð I'm doing my best to feed my body right though inside of me is already dead. It's like I'm only moving because I was programmed like this. The life inside me has died and ascended to heaven.
Even though all these are happening, I cannot show any sign of weaknesses - even to my Cha. Maybe I can just secretly love her and accept that this is another unrequited love. Well, I'm good at this - hiding this unrequited love. Haha... ð
I don't want her to lose focus in anything she's currently doing and wanting to do in her life. I will just stay put, watch afar (how??), and pray for her. Please be with her always God. Thank you. I love you God. ☺️
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