God, please give me the strength to overcome all your the trials you are giving me in life. Please give me the knowledge and wisdom for me to discern things and know whom to trust and not.
I've just realized. I should have not begged チャ back when the time I went to their previous condo. She told me that time, she didn't love me anymore and she's liking someone else who was Jake. But I didn't believe. I was so stupid and naive that I begged. That's the time we went to Ba-Be-Q because she said I was so thin already. And that is the time before I decided to go on medication of my depression.
I am not sure since when she and Jake started dating. (According to Jake’s email, it was almost two years, so they been dating since 2017.) Then that later year, Jul, something happened between them in a hotel. That's the night where チャ asked me for some space and I let her. I didn't know that she will go in a hotel and had sex with him. I still forgave チャ after the incident. That was last year I think. Earlier this year, Feb, our relationship was good as far as I know as we didn't have a fight. But then, she was still exchanging emails with Jake. And it was obvious that she still loved him till that time. Even then, I still forgave her and accepted her because who am I not to forgive if God forgive people multiple times. Maybe I don't want to have regrets that's why I kept forgiving her. She really must have loved Jake. I should have let her go long time ago. If I did, these things - much more hurtful - shouldn't have happened anymore. 😞
I was told, "Cheater will always be a cheater."
チャ cheated on me multiple times in different circumstances. Now, I've been wiser. I love チャ but I will not let her cheat on me again. Keep telling her that I will stop liking/loving her the moment she'll like someone else.
Self-respect. I value myself more, more than anything. I won't let anyone hurt me or cheat on me over and over again. I don't mind leaving the person I love if that person keeps on disrespecting me.
Maybe, チャ asked for a break-up and wanted to be single because she was hurting. Just maybe. She let go of the man she has loved. That she's currently moving on.
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God, I need your knowledge and wisdom. Maybe, I should now stop all these madness. I think チャ stopped loving me since 2017. And I should just accept it and move on. I should not wait for her anymore. I got to start moving on completely. If I really want to find my one true love, I should start getting over her. Maybe, she's really not the woman I've been praying for. Maybe God only placed her in my life to teach me to grow and be wiser when it comes to choosing a partner to be with.
God, please clear my heart and mind from all these earthly things so that I can see Your desires for my life. I am really asking for your wisdom so that I can make good and wise decisions in my life. Please surround me with Godly people, people who will help me grow as a person. If You will let unjust and evil people come into my life, please give me knowledge and wisdom to know their intentions and act according to Your will.
I love you God. Holy Spirit, please continually guide me and protect me. Thank you for all these things in the mighty name of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, amen!
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