Never stop moving cause you are Rove

Today, I started noticing other people. And it's already a month since we broke up. 

When we were still together, I didn't have time to look at anyone. It felt like I have blinders at both eyes like horses. But earlier, I not only look once, but multiple times and I didn't feel guilty about it. It feels like my blinders were already off and I'm allowed to look around me and notice them freely.

It's already been a month. I wonder what will happen to me next after two months of moving on? Maybe I'll start saying 'no' to her or rejecting her without feeling any guilt? I wonder. This is my first time so I have no idea what are the steps or phases of moving on from a broken long term relationship.

I started thinking, I deserve better.

I am good looking.

I have abs.

I have good credit.

I am kind in nature.

I am loyal and faithful. (Very rare)

Then I deserve a more beautiful - inside and out - woman. I deserve a loving, honest, loyal, and faithful partner.

How to trust a person again after you have forgiven him/her but then cheated on you again?

If I am just gonna follow my mind, I won't go back to the person who cheated on me once. But I followed my heart then it put them (brain and heart) to hurts and destructions.

Aug 2018, I found out that チャ was cheating on me for more than a year already. They even had sex. I don't know how many times but I only know once. I forgiven her and accepted her. She promised she'll not do it again. Mar 2019, I discovered that チャ initiated an email exchange with her affair last Feb 11, 2019. She even called him, "MyLove" - which I just noticed the other day after re-reading the email thread again.

Now tell me, how to trust her again when it comes to relationships? I don't even know if there are more encounters after the Aug 2018. I can forgive her again. Who am I not to forgive if God himself keep on forgiving me for all my sins? As much as I want to believe on her words again, part of my mind doesn't want her to come back anymore into my life as my girlfriend/partner/future wife. Then my heart? It had enough hurts that it just bowed down and turned around.

I also realized, she was not even honest with herself. How can she be honest with me or to anyone then?

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God, thank you. I lay all my hurts, questions, problems down unto you. I trust your process. Please give me a sound mind and body to make sound decisions in life and be more positive about life. Let Your will Thy be done. Amen!

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To future Rove:

One day, you look back, and you'll just laugh at all these. You will even happily tell these experiences to your wife and kids. ☺️ Just be strong and courageous! Go on with life. Don't stop moving, because you are Rove. 😉