Baby Charles and Her Beautiful Mom

4:43PM Update:

I’m now reading The Lamp. I saw チャ highlighted “Charles’ moment”. And not just it, I noticed she stopped between page 20 and 21. Reading it, my heart began to quenched. It must be painful to チャ to continue reading this. Once again, I was naive and insensitive that I didn’t notice there was a change in her mood when reading this. I didn’t even notice that she was reading this book. 😞 I should have checked on her and asked what the books she read all about. I failed in anyway. No excuse is valid. I should have taken more notice of the people around me.

I pray that チャ is doing well now. God. Please always be with her. Give her a strong heart and spirit. Thank you.

“We can do all things thru Christ who gives us strength.”

In Jesus name, amen!

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12:45PM

Following to the conversation I had with Rosy about depression and responsibility, I did a little research. 

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"In broad terms, some of the mental impact of miscarriage - such as distress and grief - is common knowledge. Feelings of loss, anxiety and depression can beset women immediately after the loss of their unborn baby, or their onset may be delayed; each individual experiences loss differently."

"Dr. Neugebauer's study found that there was a significant risk of depression in women after miscarriage. Furthermore, 72 percent of the episodes of major depression occurred during the first month after the loss of the pregnancy.

The study also found that the risk for depression was substantially higher for those miscarrying women who had no children. Further, the data demonstrated that over half of the women with prior histories of major depression experienced recurrences after they had miscarriages."

"We found no evidence that affective symptoms associated with previous prenatal loss resolve with the birth of a healthy child. Rather, previous prenatal loss showed a persisting prediction of depressive and anxiety symptoms well after what would conventionally be defined as the postnatal period," the researchers concluded.

Nearly 20% of women who experience a miscarriage become symptomatic for depression and/or anxiety; in a majority of those affected, symptoms persist for 1 to 3 years, impacting quality of life and subsequent pregnancies.

Women at highest risk for psychiatric morbidity following miscarriage include those who are younger, Hispanic, or of lower socioeconomic status and those with loss of a planned pregnancy, a history of infertility or prior miscarriages, and poor social support or coping skills.

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Then I realized, I was so naive and stupid for not knowing anything about Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD). 😞

Baby Charles happened May 4. I met her mom, May 23. I didn't know anything but I should have recognized since then!

I should have doubled my effort in taking good care of her mental and emotional wellness! God given me 4 years to do that. But what have I done? I only caused stress and suffering upon her life. I was selfish most of the times. She's the most precious person of my life as she's my reason in striving hard - for our future.

If I will be given another chance (though I know that God already provided me many chances in life), I will not do the same mistake again. I'll engrave it to my heart and mind, promising, that I will take care of her triple times and will give all the support she needs.

チャ is my queen and always be my queen. I will always be her knight in shining armor.

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Thank you God for realizing me this. Though I know it's already too late, I still thank you.

Jim, Jason, and Sam inspire me again. Thank you for using Jim Stovall in writing these beautiful books. I've got so many lesson learned that I will treasure in my life till I die.

I love you God.

-Rove