Halo!
Sometimes, I suddenly think of the pain. The pain that after 5 years of fighting for our love, one has finally gave up. Sometimes, I just think that she only needs some space and time. And I don't want to be selfish not to give it to her. That's how I love her, I can give everything - second chances, unconditional love, respect, forgiveness, care - like my second half.
It will only be a week since she broke up with me. I begged for second chance but I think she's not ready for it. And I think, I'm also not ready for it too. I need to develop and improve myself first before I will be worthy enough of second chances - may it be to her or someone else.
As a human being and a person who truly loves her, I can give all the time and space she needs, to heal and improve herself too. Mostly, spend quality time with her mom. I also try not to go to her because of safety reasons. What if I already have the covid, I will put them at risk. And at the same time, my chance to reflect on my mistakes and change for the better.
If it's God's will, we'll meet again - may it be she'll give me second chance or none at all.
Now, wherever she is, I know she's having a great time with her mom. Since the start, I am so proud of her. She's a strong woman and a kind hearted too. And I pray that she attracts more positive people and things into her life. And this is what I started doing too.
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After pandemic, probably next year, and if it's God's will, I would love to leave this country. There will be no reason for me to live here anymore, except for my furbabies and Venice. I will get them and live with me once I have my own place there. This is just one of my options.
Maybe, just maybe, why going abroad and live there didn't work out for me. One, after I was heartbroken in College (first ex), I went to SG after graduation. I wanted to live there because no reason for me to live in PH anymore. It didn't work. Second, after 5 years, I finally get a chance to go abroad and live there. I applied to a school in Tokyo, submitted my papers, paid application, had interview, and what's left was a go signal to enroll. The school had 80% admission rate for foreign students. Then I met チャ. Suddenly, I heard news from my aunt that the school had problems and in danger of closing. Then our (チャ and me) love have blossomed. Went through ups and downs but managed to go through, of course with God's help.
Now, if チャ won't give me another chance, I will surely be leaving PH. No reason to stay and live here anymore. And again, this just a plan. In the end, it will always be God's will and direction.
Ciao! Time for my workout.
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