God only knows

I am really a slow person. Haha!

Carol wanted me to like/love her not because she likes/loves me. But I prefer to be with someone who sees and values my worth the way I see and value it. I'd rather choose the person who likes/loves me than I like/love. She's the other way around.

I want to scrutinize my heart and feelings. I love Cha. But I don't want as a romantic love anymore, but a family and bestfriend love. Why? I've had enough. I want to completely move on from the romantic love I may have left for Cha. I want to love Carol because I love her. I don't wanna think about the "if only Cha didn't ignore me last month, etc".

I have to spend more time alone. When I can now travel, I want to travel alone or with my family. I might want to go for few weeks. She has a choice of whether she'll wait for me or move on. If she chooses the latter, then she's not the person God is preparing for me. If she chooses the first one and was able to wait for me, then surely, I will be hers forever.

I don't want to skip any process in moving on. One month might be enough, especially I worked very hard. But memories are popping from time to time in my head. I ignore them, but they still kept on coming once or twice in 2-3 days. Maybe, when I completely has moved on, means has forgotten at least 90%, bits of memories won't even perk in the windows of my mind.

——

God, I know you have very great plans for my life. And I want to trust you. I cannot trust my mind nor my feelings anymore. I want to trust you completely and surrender myself. I don't have any idea what's best for me or who's the person you have been preparing for me. I just know she's out there. Please help me change to be a better person and be the right person for your person. Thank you for always saving me. Amen!