After months of searching, I accidentally found Cha's blog (http://thethought-of-alostgirl.blogspot.com/). I read the old posts she posted. It breaks my heart, really. The person I loved struggled big time because of me.
Maybe, she really needs time for herself now.
I also read one post where I promised to her that I will take care of her and will always be by her side when she needed someone. That she can always lean on me - financially, mentally and emotionally. I think this is the thing I am referring to, "something is telling me to help you..". I made a promise, an unbreakable promise. The thing that's telling me are my subconscious mind and my conscience.
I am really sorry Cha. I really sucked. No words can explain how worse my blunders were. I did many mistakes. I hurt you many times in the past. I'm not sure how to repay you. It's all because of me why you became like that, struggling.
Maybe I am not really good with people. Instead of taking care of the people I value the most, I am hurting them.
Who am I really? I'm the child of God. I want to be one.
Maybe, to be a monk is really a good idea. Living in the mountains secluded from the society, praying, will help me find the light and discover who really I am. I hope it's not a form of running away, a little maybe.
I think helping my loved ones from a distance, without my physical presence, will do good to them. I'm better off to go...
Need to plan my departure. I still have 3 months.
(My Tiger is sleeping soundly beside me...Hope he's excited to see her little sister.)
Nothing is impossible with Him. =D
Maybe, she really needs time for herself now.
I also read one post where I promised to her that I will take care of her and will always be by her side when she needed someone. That she can always lean on me - financially, mentally and emotionally. I think this is the thing I am referring to, "something is telling me to help you..". I made a promise, an unbreakable promise. The thing that's telling me are my subconscious mind and my conscience.
I am really sorry Cha. I really sucked. No words can explain how worse my blunders were. I did many mistakes. I hurt you many times in the past. I'm not sure how to repay you. It's all because of me why you became like that, struggling.
Maybe I am not really good with people. Instead of taking care of the people I value the most, I am hurting them.
Who am I really? I'm the child of God. I want to be one.
Maybe, to be a monk is really a good idea. Living in the mountains secluded from the society, praying, will help me find the light and discover who really I am. I hope it's not a form of running away, a little maybe.
I think helping my loved ones from a distance, without my physical presence, will do good to them. I'm better off to go...
Need to plan my departure. I still have 3 months.
(My Tiger is sleeping soundly beside me...Hope he's excited to see her little sister.)
Nothing is impossible with Him. =D
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