Thank you for reminding me about the wall.
You know what, Wednesday night, my mom told me that my younger sister is pregnant. I just told her, "Yeah I know. I was just waiting for her to tell it to me."
Of course, my mom got angry. Talo kami eh. Samin ang babae. Mom told me my dad cried.
All the chaos, since then, has not given me much impact. I just messaged my sister and her boyfriend that I am not angry. Tama na yung mga magulang ang nagalit. And they just follow what my mom said. As for me, I am just disappointed.
Disappointment. You feel it when your expectation was not met.
Pero dahil slow akong tao, all the hurts and pains from a bad news, it will take days before mag sink in sakin. And now, I'm finally realizing it. Or better yet, I was suppressing all the emotions since that day. Telling myself that I am okay and should not be a big deal.
Memories of me and my younger sister came in, little by little. Siya lagi ko kasama when I was going out - eating, playing, shopping, etc. She was the "bunso", not until then natuto sya lumandi. Had crushes, manliligaw, then finally a boyfriend. I remember the time when my sister stopped hanging out with me because lumalove life na eh. She was my buddy that time. I felt jealous and a little bit sad. Of course she doesn't know it. I just ignored my feelings and told myself na "lumalaki na sila". And then eventually, lumav life narin ako. That even though I'm not at school, I have someone to hang out with. I started informing my "lovelife" na they are also my bestfriend. In the first place, I prefer bestfriend and hang out buddy than having a special-partner-relationship.
Oh! There was also a time na best bud ko si Ros Ros after ng kapatid ko magsimula lumandi. I frequently went to Ros' place and had overnight. Pero in the end, lumav life narin sya. And I think, dun na talaga ako nagsimula maghanap ng partner. All of them are having their own "love life" and new buddy. And I was so jealous that I wanted to take them away from their "partners".
Back to my sister, I felt sad. Well, sadness is more than disappointment. I was planning initially pa naman na when my sister graduated College and has a work, we can go back to S.Korea. But now she's having a baby, priorities have to change.
Oh! I also remember the time when my older sister got married. At her wedding day, I was poker face. I was not happy. There was a thought, "why did you get my older sister away from me, away from us?"
Bakit ba ang lovelife ay kinukuha lahat ng best buds of my life...?
Maybe because, doon sila masaya. I just need to trust their decisions and be happy for them. May mga pamangkin naman ako eventually. And this is why I am "the best tita" para sa kanila. I love them.
Well then...
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