If you don't know the feeling, it's difficult for you to understand what it feels like to have a depression. You don't know why the depressed person suddenly cries or suddenly gets offended with the old jokes. It's difficult. And this is the reason why depressed people are just quiet and trying their best not to show their emotions - suppressing them all inside.
As for me, I finally have Kate and Innah. I was hesitant at first to tell them what I am going through: my mental health, mood swings due to attacks, etc. But when I told them I have depression, I can see that they are deeply trying to understand me and help me cope up. They have researched of what to do. They don't pressure me to talk it out but re-assure me that they are always there whenever I want someone to talk to. They are even willing to meet me ASAP and hang out though we still have work. I really appreciate their concerns. But I prefer not to bother them.
For depressed people, it's not common that we find normal people who are trying their best to understand. We, depressed people, prefer to keep everything inside in order to protect ourselves. Because we know, when we opened up, we will become vulnerable to any simple hurt or pain from the person whom we opened up with.
Innah once told me that once you have a depression, it will never be healed permanently. Once you have it, you'll have episodes in your entire life. It will never be gone once tuned down. It will keep coming back. You just need a lifetime support to overcome it. She got it from the doctor of her sister who has a depression too. Good thing, she has her siblings who can pay for her therapy and meds.
As for me, I only have myself, my faith in God, and few chosen friends.
I'm already tired honestly. But I have no choice as of the moment, but to keep still.
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