While waiting for the food at the reception, saw the guest dedication book with the couple's prenup pics. Bigla ko nakaramdam ng takot for myself. Bigla ako natakot ikasal. ð
Not only because my pocket is not ready yet. ð But parang I got scared na baka maling tao mapili ko at masaktan ulit ako. Well, you cannot blame me. I just got from a relationship that failed many times or a relationship that was cheated on. I think I became more defensive now. Most of all, became wiser. I cannot give my 100% yet not until I'm 101% sure.
If it will be another person, I will not be afraid. Of course, I will not still give my 100% not until I prove that she's pure in heart, faithful, honest, and sincere. If it's gonna be ãã£, I'm sorry but I cannot marry her yet (if this is where we're going to). You know, it's easier to love someone new than to go back to your past. You may love the person again but it's difficult to trust her the way you used to trust her.
Just what I said, I need at least 2 years to prove that she has changed to a faithful, loyal, honest, and sincere person. But that "time counter" resets every time she re-connects to her affair, Jake. It was exactly 5mos from the time they last talked, then she talked to him again. It did not happened once, but many times - always reconnecting. So how will I be able to trust her completely when her words are contradicting to her actions? If only she did not cheat on me (worst part: had multiple sex with the same guy), I am already 100% confident that she's the woman I wanna marry. And moreover, I should have already proposed to her on our 4th yr anniversary - or will propose on our 5th anniversary. But now, none of these are in my thoughts anymore. Yes, I love ã㣠now. But wanting her to be my life partner or wife, no. How can you marry a person who just recently had sex with someone else (cheating)? His fluids are still inside her. ð€® I don't wanna share any of that. Also, I deserve a pure with clean intention, loyal, faithful, honest, and consistent woman, right? I'm not God so I cannot judge. I know God and Christ have already forgiven her, and so do I. But it doesn't mean I can trust her 100% again. I'm already at the phase wherein I tend to be sensitive to topics like "affairs, cheating, flirting, non-committal sex." Because they just happened to me recently! I really need ã㣠to have at least 2 years of clean and consistent track before I can finally prove she's different. If she cannot turn her back 180deg from her past wrong doings, then I have no choice but to leave. I cannot barred myself from meeting the woman God is preparing for me and be happy. Now, only God can tell me whether to marry ã㣠or not. Because, if it's just me, I don't want. If you can’t wait for 2 years, you don’t deserve my forever.
It's better to wait long than to marry wrong. I'm already at the age na dapat mas cautious na ko sa taong pipiliin ko makasama for life. But I know full well that my God will not let me go to the wrong hands. I know my God will give me to the pure in spirit, honest, faithful, and Godly person. I trust you God. Please keep me away from the people that only want to hurt me. Please let me know God if that person has arrived as I will give myself 100% again.
——
To the woman God is preparing for me,
Please wait. Those are only earthly desires. Resist them as much as you could. Stay pure, truthful, honest, faithful, and Godly. One day, when we finally meet, I promise to give my 100%. I will make you happy and give everything you deserve. I will wait for you. And hopefully, you are too. ☺️ When in doubt, just pray.
Yours, R
Not only because my pocket is not ready yet. ð But parang I got scared na baka maling tao mapili ko at masaktan ulit ako. Well, you cannot blame me. I just got from a relationship that failed many times or a relationship that was cheated on. I think I became more defensive now. Most of all, became wiser. I cannot give my 100% yet not until I'm 101% sure.
If it will be another person, I will not be afraid. Of course, I will not still give my 100% not until I prove that she's pure in heart, faithful, honest, and sincere. If it's gonna be ãã£, I'm sorry but I cannot marry her yet (if this is where we're going to). You know, it's easier to love someone new than to go back to your past. You may love the person again but it's difficult to trust her the way you used to trust her.
Just what I said, I need at least 2 years to prove that she has changed to a faithful, loyal, honest, and sincere person. But that "time counter" resets every time she re-connects to her affair, Jake. It was exactly 5mos from the time they last talked, then she talked to him again. It did not happened once, but many times - always reconnecting. So how will I be able to trust her completely when her words are contradicting to her actions? If only she did not cheat on me (worst part: had multiple sex with the same guy), I am already 100% confident that she's the woman I wanna marry. And moreover, I should have already proposed to her on our 4th yr anniversary - or will propose on our 5th anniversary. But now, none of these are in my thoughts anymore. Yes, I love ã㣠now. But wanting her to be my life partner or wife, no. How can you marry a person who just recently had sex with someone else (cheating)? His fluids are still inside her. ð€® I don't wanna share any of that. Also, I deserve a pure with clean intention, loyal, faithful, honest, and consistent woman, right? I'm not God so I cannot judge. I know God and Christ have already forgiven her, and so do I. But it doesn't mean I can trust her 100% again. I'm already at the phase wherein I tend to be sensitive to topics like "affairs, cheating, flirting, non-committal sex." Because they just happened to me recently! I really need ã㣠to have at least 2 years of clean and consistent track before I can finally prove she's different. If she cannot turn her back 180deg from her past wrong doings, then I have no choice but to leave. I cannot barred myself from meeting the woman God is preparing for me and be happy. Now, only God can tell me whether to marry ã㣠or not. Because, if it's just me, I don't want. If you can’t wait for 2 years, you don’t deserve my forever.
It's better to wait long than to marry wrong. I'm already at the age na dapat mas cautious na ko sa taong pipiliin ko makasama for life. But I know full well that my God will not let me go to the wrong hands. I know my God will give me to the pure in spirit, honest, faithful, and Godly person. I trust you God. Please keep me away from the people that only want to hurt me. Please let me know God if that person has arrived as I will give myself 100% again.
——
To the woman God is preparing for me,
Please wait. Those are only earthly desires. Resist them as much as you could. Stay pure, truthful, honest, faithful, and Godly. One day, when we finally meet, I promise to give my 100%. I will make you happy and give everything you deserve. I will wait for you. And hopefully, you are too. ☺️ When in doubt, just pray.
Yours, R
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