I am still being haunted by the memories of cheating and lies. I was supposed to get over it, started in Jul 2019 not until チャ reconnected again with her affair last Dec 2019. Now, everything goes back to zero again. The memories returned. I have to forgive again and again. I have to forget again and again. Why am I doing this in the first place?
I deserve a respectable, faithful, loyal, and consistent woman. And that woman deserves a hardworking, faithful, loyal, and respectable person like me.
After 10 months of breakup, we got back together again. She was the one who asked me. And without second thought, I said yes. Can I trust her again? I guess yes but not 100%. I became more sensitive and cautious. I now trust my instinct more than any words I can hear from anyone.
One of my goals is to buy a lot in a subdivision and build my own house. I'm no longer planning long term for the "two of us". It's now more of a generic - that whoever be the woman I'm gonna marry, she's the one I'll bring home. Well, I used to plan a future with チャ. I worked my ass off just to bring her to all places around the world, provide her needs and sometimes wants, etc, thinking that she's the one I'm gonna marry. But everything was a lie. I was so stupid and naive for 2 years. Let God take care of her. She said, she turned 180 degrees from the old self she's been. It's not that I don't believe her, but let's see. Two years of probation was reset back to zero. We all need a consistent person - a person whose actions are the same with his/her words. For the next two years, I will not close my doors for any possibilities - especially if God intend it to happen. If God, one day, show me the woman He's been preparing for so long for me, I've got to be ready. And now, I'm no longer giving my all to the person I'm currently in a relationship with. I wanna make sure that there are always more for me.
Once you know your worth, you no longer beg for someone else's love, attention, and loyalty.
I don't wanna look back and repeat the same mistakes I had. I will only glance at the past to remind me of the things I experienced and of course, lessons learned. I can no longer be 100% sure of my future. I will only get hold of the things that are within my control. For the things that are beyond my control, let God take care of them.
More cautious,
Wiser,
More self-lover,
Rove
So help me God.
I deserve a respectable, faithful, loyal, and consistent woman. And that woman deserves a hardworking, faithful, loyal, and respectable person like me.
After 10 months of breakup, we got back together again. She was the one who asked me. And without second thought, I said yes. Can I trust her again? I guess yes but not 100%. I became more sensitive and cautious. I now trust my instinct more than any words I can hear from anyone.
One of my goals is to buy a lot in a subdivision and build my own house. I'm no longer planning long term for the "two of us". It's now more of a generic - that whoever be the woman I'm gonna marry, she's the one I'll bring home. Well, I used to plan a future with チャ. I worked my ass off just to bring her to all places around the world, provide her needs and sometimes wants, etc, thinking that she's the one I'm gonna marry. But everything was a lie. I was so stupid and naive for 2 years. Let God take care of her. She said, she turned 180 degrees from the old self she's been. It's not that I don't believe her, but let's see. Two years of probation was reset back to zero. We all need a consistent person - a person whose actions are the same with his/her words. For the next two years, I will not close my doors for any possibilities - especially if God intend it to happen. If God, one day, show me the woman He's been preparing for so long for me, I've got to be ready. And now, I'm no longer giving my all to the person I'm currently in a relationship with. I wanna make sure that there are always more for me.
Once you know your worth, you no longer beg for someone else's love, attention, and loyalty.
I don't wanna look back and repeat the same mistakes I had. I will only glance at the past to remind me of the things I experienced and of course, lessons learned. I can no longer be 100% sure of my future. I will only get hold of the things that are within my control. For the things that are beyond my control, let God take care of them.
More cautious,
Wiser,
More self-lover,
Rove
So help me God.
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