Sometimes, I'm having nightmares when I'm still awake. I can imagine how they meet, start every meeting, and during the meeting. They not only did it once, they did it multiple times. They had sex many times that even チャ was unable to give me a number.
Because of this revelation, it made me think not twice but thrice, four times, or even five times about considering courting my ex again. Now, it's better my mind leads on than my heart. The latter used to lead on and see where it took me - full of heartaches and bad decisions.
It's really difficult to trust again, especially for a person like me. Instead of waiting for two years only, and there's around 1.5 years left, I am considering reseting back to 2 years or more.
2020, another year for me to take new chances. I will now be open this year for new possibilities. For me, it's easier to be in a new relationship with a new person than getting back and starting over with an ex who was unfaithful for years. I'm not talking about simple act of cheating that they saw each other but had "sex" lots of times! And they did it casually like it was a normal thing. It's the worst for me as I see sex as a highest form of intimacy and a holy act of love that you should not perform casually with just anyone you are not in a relationship or commitment with. Because of this belief, I can tell that only God can make me re-consider チャ again as my partner/girlfriend. But if it's just me, I will not again. But will re-consider if there's closure (which I'm afraid チャ is not yet ready for).
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God, thank you as you are always there, protecting me from committing bad decisions in life. You really are keeping me away from people who you think will only hurt me. Please continuing keeping me safe always. I love you and thank you God.
In Jesus name, amen!
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