Many times that life and fate were trying to save me

I realize, there were so many times na life and fate were trying to save me.

I remember the time before ako lumapit sa psych for my depression, nagalit sakin si Cha. Pununtahan ko sya sa PSBA. Pero umuwi na raw sya sabi ni Trish. Then pumunta ako sa condo nila sa Ortigas. Her mon let me in and I went to their bedroom dahil tulog daw si Cha. I remember na nagmakaawa ako sa kanya. I cried and hugged her kahit nagpupumiglas na sya. She told me na hindi na raw nya ko mahal at may iba na raw sya gusto. I didn't believe her that time kasi iniisip ko na galit lang sya sakin at kailangan ko sya suyuin at ipaglaban. Pero I was wrong. Totoo palang may iba na sya. Sana naniwala ako sa sinabi nya at pumayag nalang ako makipaghiwalay sa kanya nun. If only I know na may 3rd party na pala sya nun at nagccheat na sya sakin, eh di sana, hindi na ko nagpakatanga puntahan sya at ipaglaban.

Close friends already told me na "Enough Rove. Tigilan mo na yang kahibangan mo. You deserve better." Pero di ako nakinig sa kanila, instead, pinaglaban ko si Cha many times, without knowing na may 3rd party na palang involve.

Another time, I remember na bumalik sya ng bahay first week ng Aug 2018. Then I found out sa cellphone nya na may nangyari na pala sa kanila ng kabit nya during our cool off. But what I did? I tried to understand her and kept telling myself that she was just a victim and didn't know what she was doing. It took time before nag sink in sakin lahat since slow ako and I was trying to believe to second chance and goodness of human beings.

Pero I was wrong again. She kept on reconnecting and coming back sa kabit nya. Many chances and understanding were given but no, lahat yun sinayang nya.

Then after four years ng pagpapakatanga, recently, nagising nalang ako (while writing that 2nd letter for her). Ba't ba ko habol ng habol sa kanya? I quit. I told myself, "I deserve better." I deserve a faithful, loyal, consistent, and mature partner. I don't deserve this kind of woman (Cha). I thought, she's better to be with that man - both liar and cheater.

Then told Cha na I am no longer part of the list of people who are dying to be with her. I don't fucking care anymore! I love myself more!

Now, I kept reminding myself that I will not let myself fall in love with Cha again. There are more beautiful - inside and out - women out there. The deserving woman to be my wife is just out there, waiting for me. I deserve better.

Rove deserves better. 😊