I got to rest.
I'm tired.
I don't wanna hurt チャ again.
And I don't wanna get hurt again.
I'm not the same person anymore, the Rove in previous years who was very devoted and kept on fighting for チャ no matter how tired or devastated I was. Now, I don't mind. Maybe because I made a resolution last Jul 2019 that I will no longer blindly chase チャ and will always choose myself first. That there are always better fishes in the sea.
I tried putting my guard down and trusted someone completely. Then after a short time, I was blown away. I was caught off guard. When you are finally learning to entrust yourself to someone, life suddenly gives you a zap. You are now thinking, "I should have never put my guard down even for a short time."
I know 100% for several weeks already that チャ has changed. This is why started entrusting my finances to her. I will only entrust my finances to someone whom I want to be with for the rest of my life. But again, maybe it's not the right time yet, or maybe she's not the woman I am destined to marry.
And again, I'm tired. I don't wanna fight for her anymore.
I don't wanna hurt her again.
And I don't wanna get hurt again.
——
My head hurts..since last night. I’d rather have bruises in my body than in my head. The pain when someone pulled your hair so hard, it’s the same pain when someone smashed your head to the wall. I don’t wanna be a battered husband. No. I love myself. I don’t wanna get married with チャ. If she cannot control herself and is already battering me when we’re just in a relationship, how much more when we get married? She can do more. Worst, she might hit my head with a baseball bat. I’m scared for my life. I cannot tolerate someone battering me because I won’t keep down. And when I retaliate, I might hurt the person.
I'm tired.
I don't wanna hurt チャ again.
And I don't wanna get hurt again.
I'm not the same person anymore, the Rove in previous years who was very devoted and kept on fighting for チャ no matter how tired or devastated I was. Now, I don't mind. Maybe because I made a resolution last Jul 2019 that I will no longer blindly chase チャ and will always choose myself first. That there are always better fishes in the sea.
I tried putting my guard down and trusted someone completely. Then after a short time, I was blown away. I was caught off guard. When you are finally learning to entrust yourself to someone, life suddenly gives you a zap. You are now thinking, "I should have never put my guard down even for a short time."
I know 100% for several weeks already that チャ has changed. This is why started entrusting my finances to her. I will only entrust my finances to someone whom I want to be with for the rest of my life. But again, maybe it's not the right time yet, or maybe she's not the woman I am destined to marry.
And again, I'm tired. I don't wanna fight for her anymore.
I don't wanna hurt her again.
And I don't wanna get hurt again.
——
My head hurts..since last night. I’d rather have bruises in my body than in my head. The pain when someone pulled your hair so hard, it’s the same pain when someone smashed your head to the wall. I don’t wanna be a battered husband. No. I love myself. I don’t wanna get married with チャ. If she cannot control herself and is already battering me when we’re just in a relationship, how much more when we get married? She can do more. Worst, she might hit my head with a baseball bat. I’m scared for my life. I cannot tolerate someone battering me because I won’t keep down. And when I retaliate, I might hurt the person.
Forget about love.
Don’t be martyr.
Kung dati, natatakot ako mahalin sya at pagkatiwalaan ulit dahil baka saktan ako ulit at lokohin..
Ngayon, natatakot na ko mahalin pa sya dahil baka saktan ako ulit at bugbugin..
——
I know チャ has anxiety and depression that’s why I’m doing my best to have long patience. Maybe this is the reason why I am still around and not leaving her since the beginning. But I don’t know till when I can take it. My friends already told me that I was martyr. I was cheated on and physically abused, but still, I am still making myself available for her - to help her and support her. I’m no superman. Until when... if the person herself doesn’t want to get help from the experts. I’m not a psychiatrist nor a ward nurse. I can only retaliate in the least damaging I can try.
My only desire now is チャ’s wellness.
And my prayers: that she’ll be healed whatever pain she may have, at matagpuan na nya katapat nya.
——
I know チャ has anxiety and depression that’s why I’m doing my best to have long patience. Maybe this is the reason why I am still around and not leaving her since the beginning. But I don’t know till when I can take it. My friends already told me that I was martyr. I was cheated on and physically abused, but still, I am still making myself available for her - to help her and support her. I’m no superman. Until when... if the person herself doesn’t want to get help from the experts. I’m not a psychiatrist nor a ward nurse. I can only retaliate in the least damaging I can try.
My only desire now is チャ’s wellness.
And my prayers: that she’ll be healed whatever pain she may have, at matagpuan na nya katapat nya.
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