What I hope so

I'm so fucking hate my life.

Well, I failed one MBA application I've done. I shouldn't have applied in the first place as I already know the result. 

My Plan B was to apply for US Visa and escape from here. But then, I think I need to postpone it for another year. I still have no funds and my mother, who told she's going to sponsor me, is having a financial crisis. She's trying to finish her apartments renovation before this year ends by borrowing lots of money from different sources.

Now, my Plan B is to accept a job offer from other company. Though the salary is not that high, it's not bad. There will be new experiences. Their trainings are good just like the feedback I received from its employees and non-employees. And I think, they can help me in my career growth. For how many months in my current company,  I felt stuck. My career path was never revisited again. Everyone is in chaos because of rapid changes in the organization.

I just hope and pray that I did the right choice. I don't want another regret. The feeling of always wanting to run away and escape is getting tiring. 

My anxieties grow day by day. As much as I wanted to disregard it, my subconscious mind is still bothering itself by them. Who am I pleasing to? Am I pleasing my parents? Am I pleasing my partner? Am I pleasing myself? Who?! 

I'm fucking hate it anymore! Can I just sleep and never wake up anymore? I really hope so.