The feeling where you have no one to tell about your life's problems and heart aches. The feeling where you have no one who can be a listening ear.
Then you tried everything just to have some outlets of your emotions - e.g. gym.
But at the end of the day, you only have yourself. You can only cry in private while staring at the sky, asking "when it's going end?"
God, when is it going to end? When my life is going to end? I can no longer deal with everyone else and with myself. Can I have a reset? Born as a different person and start over? Or if not, just end it without any reset. Let me stay beside you instead.
Tuesday, December 11, 2018
A messy life
I talk a lot I know.
I'm not an expert when it comes to breaking up.
You know that I only had one relationship in the past.
I didn't had the opportunity to ask my ex why we broke up. It just gone in the air like bubble. No words of goodbye nor thank you.
And maybe this is the reason why I bluff a lot.
I've just seen in movies and television that people who break up, talk calmly and enumerate the things why the relationship needs to end.
*sigh*
Well, maybe I'm not ready yet to handle a partner who is so young. I'm already at the age where I want to be independent and achieve a lot while my partner is at the age who still want to have fun and live a "single" life.
A partner who is an only child and so free while me as an eldest and has lots of responsibilities that I'm dying to break out of. Well, maybe I was born and raised like this - bossy, planner, dominant, impatient, etc. And I think, a partner that complements me is someone who can tame me. Someone who doesn't like clashing nor arguments and will initiate calm conversations with me instead.
Well, it's all just well.
I really wanted to go to a very far away place. Place where no one knows me. A place where I can start over and introduce a new me.
If I couldn't do it, is ending one's life a good alternative? I guess so.
When you can no longer continue the story, an easy option is to kill the main cast.
So help me God.
I'm not an expert when it comes to breaking up.
You know that I only had one relationship in the past.
I didn't had the opportunity to ask my ex why we broke up. It just gone in the air like bubble. No words of goodbye nor thank you.
And maybe this is the reason why I bluff a lot.
I've just seen in movies and television that people who break up, talk calmly and enumerate the things why the relationship needs to end.
*sigh*
Well, maybe I'm not ready yet to handle a partner who is so young. I'm already at the age where I want to be independent and achieve a lot while my partner is at the age who still want to have fun and live a "single" life.
A partner who is an only child and so free while me as an eldest and has lots of responsibilities that I'm dying to break out of. Well, maybe I was born and raised like this - bossy, planner, dominant, impatient, etc. And I think, a partner that complements me is someone who can tame me. Someone who doesn't like clashing nor arguments and will initiate calm conversations with me instead.
Well, it's all just well.
I really wanted to go to a very far away place. Place where no one knows me. A place where I can start over and introduce a new me.
If I couldn't do it, is ending one's life a good alternative? I guess so.
When you can no longer continue the story, an easy option is to kill the main cast.
So help me God.
Monday, December 10, 2018
Freedom, I beg
I'm bored. I wanna go to a far place and stay there for atleast 5 days without communication from the outside world. I don't want to hear or see, even for a moment, my family, my friends, and my current romantic relationship.
Even for a moment, I don't wanna think how fucking life is.
How my mother looks at me and only see money.
How my current romantic relationship takes me for granted.
How my current company sucks for not compensating what I deserve.
How sucks it is to work my ass of for others just to get by everyday.
How sucks it is to kill thyself to work in a corporate world and be called "employee" or slave.
How damn boring and unfair this life is.
I wanna go to a far away island/beach where I can only do are stare afar, take a deep breathe, and not think anything.
I'm fucked already!
I wanna be free! I wanna be free!
Free me!
-----
God,
Holy Spirit,
Christ,
you there?
Free me please.
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