Argh!!! Aish!!!

Aish! Argh! Nababanas ako sa sarili ko. Why oh why?

I lack something. And I know it!

What's the worst part?

Knowing the thing that you lack and yet you don't know how to give solution to it. 

STRESS!! +_+ XD

I wanna die.

I wanna kill myself.

I wanna.. Argh!!!

Stress!!!!!

It's killing me.

Wat to do. Wat to do.

Otoke.. Doushiyou..

My life's now a mess.

Couldn't explain it.

I hate what I'm feeling now.

My lil' sister is much affected. And so do I.

I just don't make it obvious. 

I think I gotta start preparing for myself in da future.

It's a disease. And it is spreading rapidly.

I hate it.

Age gap is very big.

It's not suitable in the eyes.

I hate it.

Why does it have to be like this.?

Why does He permitted something like this to happen.?

Wae? Wae? Doushite? Doushite?

I wanna go home now.!!! 

Or go somewhere else where I wanna be myself alone.

STRESS!!!! +_+

wata life.. hate it.. really. +_+

Waaah! I really don't know now what to do in my life now! 

First of, I thought of bein' independent by findin' and rentin' my own apartment/room. But I don't want to rent or pay for my own home forever.  I can pay a monthly instalment for a condo while I live on my own. HOWEVER, how supposed my monthly salary be able to pay all of those things uh? Apartment monthly rent at the same time paying of a condo?!  Yeah life.. 

I really don't know now.. 

Bein' heartbroken is already given. No need to think 'bout it. 

Since I was born, I'm already a loser in that field. 

Why thought of livin' on my own? 

Since I started working, mom doesn't give me anymore. 

The only free things now are my shelter and foods when I'm at home. Besides that, nothin' more.

What's more? 

She told us when I was still at school that when we start workin', she will not ask for money from us.

But now, she does. However, I don't mind if I give all my salary 'cause I'm livin' in her house.

But then, she sometimes complains 'bout her cars' gas everytime she sends me to work using them.

Though I told her many times that I can commute on my own, she insists on bringin' me to work using her vehicles.

What am I supposed to do? Uh?  Stacked in these conversations. 

Aside from work I do at office,  there are other works I'm doin' at home.

Photocopying and some paper works 'bout my parents' businesses if there are.

I don't mind doin' all of these things. 

But I decided to start teachin' my youngest sibling 'bout the technical stuff in the computer.

So that when I'm not around, she can do it for our parents. 

What's more? 

They all think that when you start workin', you're already rich. 

Do you think my monthly salary is really that big? Uh?

Do think that if I live on my own, I can live a well-of life?

No, it's not. You're really wrong 'bout it.

My monthly salary is just enough for a single person to live accordingly.

So don't ask for more. Yeah life.. 

Sick en tired.. Life is really useless without its meaning.

And why every meaning should involve money? Uh? 

I really don't understand. 

Human beings are naturally greedy and selfish. 

My hatred to them is coming back little by little.

Hope it's not.. 

yeah yeah yeah.. *sigh*

Yo!

This is it. A decision should be made and finalized.

Will not MOC as much as possible for this whole week. 

Don't want to fall again 'cause don't want to get hurt again.  It's okay if it's just a normal one but it's not. It's called rejection.

Kinda lost (again?)

sick or what?

Yeah. I feel like I am not feeling well; even my body is in good condition (lack of sleep though). 

Guess emotionally and mentally. 

(Pause. Got to continue in reviewing the notes I've made)

If I won't be able to see the Girls' Generation, I guess the right time hasn't come yet.

Simple Plan.? HE gave me another chance (3rd chance I supposed) to see them on January. 

I'm already working but I still think sometimes like a kid because of my "non-sense" spending.  What am I supposed goin' to do, uh? I think for this span of time, I lost my purpose for a while. Tsktsk. 

So Nyu Shi Dae and Simple Plan are my human savior. God gave them to me. 

Gotta work now. (A lot of things I need to study.) Sayonara!~ 

so tired, so busy, en so expired..

Jan. 15.. Don't remember anythin'!! :)) Guess, it's all about KPop. XD

Jan. 16.. Went to mom's friends burial wit mom en rhea.

Jan. 17.. Dad's birthday. Haven't any gift. XD
Sched wat?

Jan. 18.. Sched sucks!
Saw mySmile. So? Smile doesn't mind.

Jan. 19.. Fixed da sched en attended da first Java Training meeting.
Tired. Tried to sleep but couldn't. Too many whirling thoughts in my head.

Help me oh God! I wanna take a leave, 3days is cool.

Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

bye-bye to my fellow 4th yearz!

aww...
The end is near!!!

But it doesn't give you an assurance that you can't visit the house of your classmate and clean their ref. or meet them at the train station, you'll only acquire freedom from the faces of your classmates.

err.. right??

But on the other side, it's still sad because you need to befriend someone again who will allow you to copy from his/her assignment. That's hard! and I'm figuring a way on how to approach them.

Sigh
Sigh
Sigh

But there's one thing to say
to try to make yourself feel better
on the day of graduation...

"There is a time for departure even when there's no certain place to go."

haha! connetion? but if you'll try to look through it maybe you'll find that "connection". Corny...

Sigh
Sigh
Sigh

umm... that's all folks! and sayonara to all the graduates!
Maybe, I'll just skip grad huh?

if only I could...

You don't get it? well, me neither.

^.^"

Lookin' ahead of ya

Ok fine the last post is useless. That should be in the trash now!

TRASH!

I'm really in a tight spot now. All of the fourth years are! Um, some must've been made up their minds. All I know is that I'm still confused.

What do I want when I grow up?

Yeah, this common question that can be answer even by a two year old have been bugging my mind. When I was a child, back when I don't know what art is and I don't know how to draw, I always envied those people who knows how to draw and how to design and stuff. No one taught me for no one in my family knows how to draw. My dad knows but he was sailin' in the middle of the ocean that time, back when his mind told him that there are many coins scattered in the ocean. I taught myself. Tracing pictures from different kinds of books really helped me. back then, I can already draw tweety, hello kitty and a small mouse. (not boasting) This memory proved me that art or drawing was already inside of me even when I was a child.

No really what do I want?

When I was I grade four or five, I have always dreamed of putting up a bakery (pantasia??? hahaha! azuma kazuma! anu ulit title nun?). I want to design cakes and stuff. When I was in my first year of highschool, I want to be teacher. Reason? 'coz teachers recieves many gifts especially on valentines day and christmas parties! hahaha! When I was in Third year, I agreed to become an accountant ("how hard could it be?"-what I said to my mom back then.)
Now, I don't know...

I want to be an interior designer. Why? I love designing houses, chairs, tables, beds and even dresses but mom doesn't want to. My dad approves... (I hate controlling costs of each item!-get it?)

I want to take fine arts and other concerning art. But, that doesn't help me, why? I NEED to be CERTAIN!

I want to take architecture. Dad approves.. my mom doesn't. her only problem was the school. Mapua? Mapua in makati does have architecture, only in the intramuros branch. Malayo daw!
UST? layo din daw... Global? tagal na ata la sa choices yan... Snt Benilde? layo din daw eh...

If I take accounting which I just thought that I don't want it, mom approves but well, there's still a problem for her... She wants a school who is especialized in that field. PSBA? she thinks the surrounding of the school is dangerous. MAPUA (makati)? having second thought but nearly in approval. my dad? well, I guess he just nods on everything we ask him except...

Nursing? ah! I already canceled that on my list years and years ago! why? I'm afraid of blood or any kind of bruise! Dad hates that too! he said its icky! LOL! my mom approves of it and I can go to GCIC if I will be taking nursing. why she approved? because she wants me to go abroad.

Oh yeah, there a new course on my list.

CIVIL ENGINEERING. Whoa! waw! I must be very desperate on studying in Mapua. But the bad news is I hate geometry! which is one of its subjects and also in architecture and Mapua Makati doesn't have civil e. Only in intramuros branch.

AHHH!!!

why can't my parents understand???? Is it for my own good? or for their benefits? Popularity?

ahh! uhu-uhu... ok i'm always cryin' these days.. (cry baby!)

any suggestions? comments? ADVICE?

^.^ --- erm.. help..---

lost in my mind...

I don't know but I guess I have something to tell. I have so many things to be post last days, but I didn't have enough energy to open up this pc.

(wat on earth this song is playing! - My Humps by B.E.P.)

Ok, wat's up? My mind is blocked. I want to think and I think I've got something to tell. But something saying me that I don't need and shouldn't to post it here.

Waaaaaaaaaah! I want to! But I can't! (another scene in my mind) What will I do? wawawa!

(Oh yeah! Cry Me A River Remix!) Cry a river for me! - wahahaha!

Right now, I'm just downloading some widgets...I don't have something to do. I want to watch the Animes they lend me, but my cd-rom was already dead!

hanging? wlang ending?

let da paper be burnt...

Oh yeah! I've already burnt the battle in my heart. Thanks to the activity in bonfire. It's about writing all the things you want to leave in a paper and let it burn in the fire. Waha! The thing I burnt is about accepting failures without any battle to take because whether you win or not, nothing will change.

But I didn't get the look I received yesterday while we're having the activity in the auditorium. I don't understand. Is that person expecting me to give a 'paper heart'? (looks like the title of a song, Paper Heart by All-American Rejects - lol). Hope it's not that the reason. When that person looked at me, I just turned my head to the left trying to avoid the looks. Pls. don't expect me, I might fail to give it. Pls. just forgive me if you didn't receive any from me, 'coz I tried but failed. Ok, ok, enough is enough. It was all done! ;D