Self-control and Patience

Yo!

You know the feeling? Feeling of wanting to send チャ a 'good morning', 'nakakain kana ba?', 'kamusta ka ngayon?', 'good night', etc., but you couldn't. That you have to control yourself. Because you might fed her up pa lalo. That you have to be more patient especially you said that you can wait for her even how many years it'll take.

Yes! I was able to wait for her for 18 years~, what is another few more years? Especially if she's the woman I would like to spend the rest of my life with. I hope that in time, my sincere intentions will reach her heart and mind.

I'm still in penitence. Now, my phone seems useless now. I don' have any social media nor messaging apps. Nobody to talk/chat to. I now only use my phone for Calm, Teams, and Bubblewitch apps. In my spare time, which is 80% of my time of the day, spend mostly for meditations, reading, and playing Bubblewitch. 

I can do it until end of 2020. Aja aja! Fighting!

----

Went to vet for Copper's deworm, Api's deworm (next week 5-in-1), and Tiger's deworm and anti-rabies. Will be back to vet next week for the 4-in-1's 2nd shot of Moo, KatKat, and Rain.

*tap in the back* Good job Rove! ^_^

Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

T_T

No one will help? Then fine!

Oh God please help me. Please help us out. 

-Grandia

Pic I took last Nov 25.

a robot away from home

A ???? day for me... Haha.
Why?
IBM interview.
Then?
Didn't do anythin' in Java.
Uh?
My mind left me since I've LabCamera. -_-
HAHAHA!
It's funny dude. -_-

Today's highlight is ONLY SNSD Hello Baby. Though we've done many things 'bout school. XD
I love watchin' it. It takes my sadness, stress, loneliness, etc. away.. Also my energy for da day.

Chinese New Year in an hour...
So?

Nothin'! Just want to say Happy New Year to all Chinese pips out there!
Day after tomorrow, da day I'm always lookin' forward to in a week.
'Cause it's da day I'm finally home. Haha.
I love bein' at home.
Since I started livin' in this dorm, I'm becoming a robot as time goes by... XD
I feel secured when I'm at home. My lovin' family is there and so with Aaron. My family is my treasure. God gave them to me and I don't wanna ever lose them.
Oh my!~ I think I'm just gettin' home sick. -_- XD

Oh God. Let your will Thy be done. Until then I will always still do my very best. I will grab every opportunity you'll give to me in my life. I don't ever wanna have any regrets in life. So please help me oh God. Please cleanse my heart and mind from any unwanted things. Purify my thoughts with your love. Please overflow my heart with your never ending love. Help me in every decision I'm goin' to make in my life. 'Cause you know, I don't know anythin'. I'm just a mere person. In fact, I don't know what's goin' to happen to me each day. All I can do is to trust you. In Jesus name, Amen!

Grandia Vrualg
Grand M0nde
Earth, Solar System

back to school

Arrived at school at 'round 11:30pm I guess though my class starts at 12:45pm. Hahaha! I was just avoiding the heat of the sun that's why. XD But it rained. En I don't have any umbrella still. Haha.


First two subjects, the profs are new to us. Next en da last one, no comment. -_-" Tiis tiis nalang dahil last sem narin naman. =)) XD


Tomorrow, needed to wake up before 4:30am 'cause my first class is 7:30am. -_-" How's that dude? uh? Tsktsk. God bless to me. Haha. XD

I missed goin' back to classrooms again. Haha.


--Thought 'bout mySmile--
I was just thinkin' when I was ridin' the MRT goin' to school.. If I am goin' to act or have my move this next month's 14 en mySmile's bday. I've already thought 'bout it last day en I have already prayed 'bout it too. I am askin' Him 'bout what I am goin' to do. He knows truly 'bout my feelings to mySmile. I like mySmile very much. But I was torn between my feelings and my responsibility wit my future. You know.. I am a student and this is our last term. I have a goal, to graduate wit honor (Cum Laude if possible)--for my parents. And after that, I'm goin' to fly to SG hopefully. I need and want to work hard to help my mom financially wit her business that she's plannin' to put up. I don't know if I will just let things go on their way without any moves from me. Or I can let things go on their way but I gotta have my moves this feb en march. *Sigh* Still waitin' for His answer. I don't wanna rely on my own. I wanna rely on His own understanding.  


Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

you're my <3

Dis day? Oh my!~ A very lovely and inspiring day.. Mahooo!~ Love is in da air~ Ahaha! XD

Wanna know why?

I watched mySmile dancin' live after sooo many years.. Though it's only a year or two have passed. XD
I LOVE IT!

Actually, we watched Crissa Synergy Finals Season 6 dance contest at MOA. It's a battle with two divisions-HS & College. Our school made an entry. Great job of them! Haha! I'm with Ros, Dianne, and Lei. As expected, days before, I told myself that I'll just watched mySmile from afar. And say 'hi & goodluck' from the audience. *sigh* I looked like a fan. XD
However, luckily, and I don't know how and why.. we found a good spot outside the barrier. In front of our spot is the place where mySmile and her colleagues were sitting. Wahaha! From there, I could take a good look at mySmile. Mahooo!~ XD

Before the show, I texted my fellas to text mySmile anonymously with some 'goodluck'. I don't want to text mySmile with goodluck because she knows my number. XD But in the end, I finally said goodluck. She just replied, 'thank u'. Very plain.. No emotions I guess? *sigh* XD

Though I was watching the whole dance number of contestants and special guests, no excitement showed in my face.. Not until our school's turn in the stage. I started screaming mySmile's name and huge huge smiles on my face. I didn't take my eyes off from her. XD

When mySmile was still in her sit, she kept on lookin' at our side. I told Dianne and Rose. I asked them if there's someone they know is sitting around us. Because I don't want to believe that the people mySmile kept on lookin' at were us. You know.. yaw ko mag-feeling.. XD That's a double stab if you're making yourself believe that the person you really like is lookin' at you where in fact, he/she is lookin' at somebody else beside you or around you. XD

After the contest, I texted her for the last time with 'Congrats! Galing niyo!'. She didn't replied since then to all my texts (though looked like GMs). XD

The last look I made of her before we went somewhere else to eat, is when she was just sitting straight in her chair and lookin' at the stage carefully. That side angle made me crazy the whole night and I guess until tomorrow. mySmile is so beautiful! My heart fell instantly in that last look I made.

Dianne went home. Lei, Rose, and I decided to eat at Teriyaki Boy. So fuuuull.. Haha! We ate and chatted for 3 hours. XD
And with that certain time, though we're enjoying a lot, mySmile's face tattooed in my mind. *sigh*

I arrived home at 2am. FB a little until 3am.

Though mySmile is so mysterious, I still like her. And I think I have fallen to her. *sigh*
However, she's just a dream. I'm not expecting for any responses from her. I don't wanna hope for I might get wrong expectations.
Yeah. Because she's mysterious, she might be liking someone else. I don't know! If that's so.. *sigh*

Busted na naman ako. XD I guess it's normal now to me. For my entire life, the people I really like or wanted never liked me too; or they've never been mine. (Aside from my ex. But dumped me still in the end. XD)
I guess that's really what life is. God doesn't give you the things you really like, wanted, or love; instead He gives you the things you don't like that much or you hate. That's the truth.

But it's fine! It's fine to be or stay in love though you never get the same love from that person. At least, that person gives you love, indirectly though, by being your inspiration. Right? Haha!

Grandia Van Helsing
Grand M0nde
Earth, Solar System

oh my!~

Oh my!~ I think you have a new plan on me God.. ~_~

My sis in Singapore is going home next month and might never go back there. She is now 2months pregnant. Thank God!

But... Being me alone? Oh my!~ What a very good experience will I have  if it'll happen..

Hope my mom will trust on me about this. She might stop me on going there. -_- *Sigh*

Nyway, let your will Thy be done. :)

 

Leikeze Van Helsing
Grand M0nde
Earth, Solar System

Prayers according to Thy will

Yo!

I was late again this morning. For about 30mins. Hahaha! XD

One thing I have remember about the Daily Hope(1) I have read this morning is praying according to His will.
I remember that I used to pray until just recently is this:

"Oh God, please. Please take back Fudy in my life. I can wait until the end of time. This is my fourth wish after my three wishes about my purpose and my family. If You'll give Fudy to me, that will be the greatest gift I'll ever receive from my entire life. I will no longer ask for any gifts for my birthdays or any special occasions. I want to spend the rest of my life with Fudy. Oh God please."

But I added,

"That's only my wish and my prayer. But still, let Your will Thy be done. 'Cause you know the best for all of us. In Jesus name, Amen!"

Yeah. Morally speaking, it's not right to pray or ask for a person to be yours. They're still human beings like me. And they also have the rights to pray and ask for their own. What if that person you have been praying is also praying for other someone in their life?

Though I stop praying about my wish about Fudy, still in the back of my thought, even 1 percent is wanting it. Yet, let His will Thy be done. I know that He has a wonderful plan for each and everyone of us. Though He gives us free will, He's still in control.

That's why, I already given up everything to Him. (Still, I don't want to fall ever again. Unless He told me to. XD)

See ya buddy! =D

Yrekcah Van Helsing
Grand M0nde
Earth, Solar System

---
(1)http://allpoetry.com/journal/133607-Your-prayers-have-an-impact-by-Rick-Warren

allergies!!!

waaaaah! allergies!!!

after such terrible cough i had this past two months, i have now allergies! - wat da?!

first, it covered my whole feet, then legs, then thighs!
second, it covered my whole arms!
third, my back, neck, then my face!

i can't help myself but to scratch...waaaah!

i don't know really its cause...it may be from the food i've eaten or from the dust...i know i have my allergies into these things...

if it's from food, i can't figure out what food i ate...i guess it's not
if it's from the dust, i guess it is!

room is so filthy!
dusts are everywhere...esp. in my pc
unfiled papers are spreading in the racks...
my things are cluttered...
bedsheets, comforter, pillows, and huggable dolls were already more than two months old...i mean needed to be wash...

yuck! i guess i better clean up my room...um,,,maybe tomorrow...hehehe...

see yah! =D

errrr...baka! =D

asar! badtrip! stupid! jerk! errrr...

dami gagawin ngayong araw na toh! tapos dinagdagan pa ng mga usaping hinde maganda! asar! tapos sunud-sunod pa malas ko! ang malas ko talaga ngayong araw na toh! rarrrrr....

kung nawala lang talaga ako sa sarili ko, I've already killed all the people involved in Education!

kung wala lang ako self-control kanina eh, pinatay ko na si siopao! - lol!

kung wala lang talaga ako patience kanina, medyo maputi pa sana ako ngayon! - haha! lol!

errrrr....asar! ayaw ko na talaga mabuhay!!! - lol!

just nothin'

At last! I'm done with my assignment in Chem Investigatory! Yeah!

I just gotta need to memorize Proverbs 3 for our Values quiz on Tuesday. God bless us!

What I've watched this day: (nothin')
- Takeshi's Castle
- SOP
- Magic Kamison
- Love Me or Hate Me by Lady Sovereign
- Don't Matter by Akon
- I Wanna Love You by Akon feat. Snoop Dogg
- Keep Your Hands Off My Girl by Good Charlotte
- Grand Theft Autumn by Fall Out Boy
- This Isn't A Scene, It's An Arms Race by Fall Out Boy

Waha!

few days to go...

Few days to go...I'm so excited to end up my days in school! I'll finally experience a wonderful vacation this summer! - I guess! Waha!

But projects are keeping us down. Priodical exam is fast approaching. Wat on earth?!

Hope that we could finish all the requirements we needed for this school year.

=D

useless...

Why are they hiding some secrets from me? Or it is just I am who shows do-not-care attitude? Or it is just I'm not asking? Either of them all, I still have the rights to know about these stuffs.

I remembered the talks Karla and I had in Y.M. She had say about printing accounting that I do not know at all. I asked her what it is. Then our question and answer portion lead to her sermons. She said that why I didn't try to ask anybody when we're in school or I just don't care at all - about sorts of stuff. Then she had also say that I should talk even a little because my mouth is becoming useless. And why I can stand not talking for long hours - I might be deaf that's why. Then some people who are deafs are wishing to talk then I, who has given a voice to hear, do not talk at all. Hahahaha! Lol! Our conversation, I mean her sermons, is so fun! I just laugh, but I'm really can't help myself from laughing.

Yeah! I'm not fun of talking when I do not want to or I haven't anything to say. I talk a lot in the right place at the right time. And I also choose topics where I could say senseful things. I feel embarassed afterwards when I talk senseless things. I better love to listen than to talk. But it doesn't meant that I could not talk at all.

Getting away from the main topic... Ahhhhhh! They should have told me! But I think whether they have told me or not, I couldn't do anything at all. I'm just useless. I may be useless this time but someday I can be more than useful -waha! For now I need to be strong and not show any signs of cowardness or weaknesses, even though I'm just watching them.

;D

DoPple - GaNger (mistery)

MISTERY...

How would you react when someone suddenly appears then tells you who you are? Someone that knows your deepest and darkest secrets? Someone that frees your past when you have juz locked them up a few years ago.

Yeah, mistery written everywhere.

I dunno who that person was. I just met him in Imesh. Thought he was a friend but now he turns out to be my reflection. I havn't seen his true form for I considered him as an alien. We had laughs when we first chatted for we had the same ideas to talk about. I thought he was my soul mate, but when he said that he knew me, I started to shiver.

I took it as a joke, I challenged him, so asked him if he knows my name, and he answered me:

"Be it a smile or an invitation,
she'll know how to respond."

and below he typed my name...

Scary it may seem but it kinda interests me. I know when I was in grade two or three, I had a male friend for I have a boyish attitude when I was a kid. He have problems on how to talk to the one he admires and he seeks for my advice. I don't know what to say but I did gave him an answer, and yes, the phrase above was my answer.

Must it be him? No, It can't be. He also knows my present not only my past. He knows the name of my friends and what we always do. He knows the times when we skipped classes and the times when we went to the mall.

Who could he be? Is he a friend or a foe?

Is he me?

A friend of mine told me that he might be my dopple-ganger. I asked for the meaning of it and she said that It was someone alike to you and more like you. A person who has your memories, skills and attitudes, in short, a living me (oh....k.. that's confusing.) or another me (yeh, that could work).

Who could he be?

When I ask his name, he answers:

"you know me" and sometimes adds "silly" in the last word.

Hmm... I guess there's an investigating to do.

* He can't be a relative, I never tell anyone my deepest secrets not even my friends.
* He can't be a member of my family, they don't know that I skipped class.
* He can't be my piano teacher, she doesn't know that I go to malls, and she's a SHE.
* He can't be my brother, he also doesn't know that I skipped class and that phrase.
* He can't be my mother's secretary, she has no right to interfere in my life nor know my
secrets. Well, she's a SHE too. I guess that should not count, he could pretend to be a HE.
* He can't be my old friend, he doesn't know Rachel and Roveann.
* hmm.. running out of ideas.
* yep, can't think of another

any ideas? comments? clues? ANSWERS?

^.^"

Of headaches and failing grades

It is now 9:34 in the evening... and I am not yet studying for the AP and El Filibusterismo exams. Well, let us just say that studying is really tiring and boring(?!) hehehehehehehehehe.

Anyways... I ruined my thursday morning by waking up 5:00... and knowing that 2 hours to go and I will have my English exams. Do you know why? because I haven't studied yet.

Bummer.

And to add to my sufferings... my mind was blank while answering the exam. Plus, my head was aching and our teacher is telling us to pass our papers (too much pressure to my aching brain.)

That is not the end of it.

After the English exam, I stilll have Physics quiz to worry about.

But thanks to God, I did well in the quiz.

Nevertheless, because of the happiness I felt in the quiz results, my headache came back. It worsen while I study the story 'How my brother Leon brought home a wife' (is the title right?) Furthermore, while doing the quiz, my head really ached. In the end, my score is 0/10 (great right?)

But I still had fun. Even though I gone through all of those - trials (hehehehehehe...) I had fun in playing scrabble. I had fun being with my friends.

I went home happy, momentarily forgotten all the bad things that happened.

Right now, I am now worrying on what to do. Well, I guess, I wasted all my time complaining, that I happen to forgot to thank God to all the grace periods He had given me all these time. Men (I mean women) can be really blind, right?

I know all of the things that is happening around me has a purpose. I know, whether it is a good thing or a bad thing, that there is a reason that I opened my account here and typing my entry in the blog. In short, All things have a purpose according to the will of God.

I hope that something good may happen later on. I wish that may God hear my hopeful prayers. Because I am going to need it.

Lord, what is Your plan for me?

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

----------------> Guess I don't need a reason to question all of God's doings. He knows what He is doing, right?