wat da life rove

Do you think my mom buys me everything that I want? 

No it's not.

All my wants came from my own blood and sweat. 

My mom never bought me anything that I told her I would love to have.

From my sneakers, PS3, posters, albums, clothes..

I started buying on my own since I'm about to finish College.. until now...

I'm still a kid. Yeah.

I would like to experience all the things that I know can make me happy, smile, and laugh.

I wouldn't know. One day, I might never wake up again. 

That's why every chance is important to me.

I still do slow down at times. I know my limit.

But wat da on earth? 

Argh!!!~

I work for my own. I live on my own.

I pay even my stay here (inc. food, transpo, etc.)

One day, I was thinkin'.. What if I just bore a child and have someone.

Maybe my parents will provide all the things I need - even for my child?

Hahaha! Silly thoughts..

Anyway, I just gotta tell my mom that I won't be able to give her half of my salary for the following months.

I gotta pay my debt to my credit line. (Sick PS3!) Tsktsk.

Bbye!~

God knows my heart. Jesus knows me.

They know all about me. Though I don't understand myself, they do. 

every bad thing has its good thing. :D

As I said, over and over again, 'I was not born to please any human beings.' 

And 'I don't have to explain myself to any of them.'

Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth.

I think that's how I describe myself mostly now.

Already sick and tired of showing kindness to all human beings.

They'll just abused your goodness.

All my life I've been good, but now.

I'm thinking, what the hell. [What the hell, Avril Lavigne]

Lines that fit me well currently. Haha.

----Others----

I wanna invite LoveRain to the last PyroMusical on March 17. But how?

Ah no, that's not the question. Instead, 'what will be the result?'

Hahaha! LOL!

I think we are now in good terms again. But quite afraid that connections will disappear again when I'll say anything related to my own feelings. XD

And if it's not related to my own feelings, how will I say to LoveRain that it's only a friendly invite?

Di maiiwasan na mag-isip ng kahit ano ang isang tao once napakita mo na dati intention mo. 

Nah! Just forget it Rove.  Try watching the fireworks alone.  

That's not a problem to me, watching alone. However, the main problem is the 'going home'. For sure, there'll be pack of people out there. And it's really difficult to commute.

XD 

Nyway, still 1 week left to think the 'going home'. 

temporary happiness vs everlasting happiness.. don't know!

If it's gonna be true. Then I got no choice but to just accept it no matter how huge I am against it. 

What I acquire yesterday.. Though it makes really no sense because they're literally just wants..

(Back to the main topic..)

What am I gonna do? My dream of studying MBA in London might be like just a bubble. 

I love kids. But producing of these without plan makes me watever. You know what I mean.

I'm a very concerned human being. Though no matter how hard I'm convincing myself that I am not compulsory to help them,

I still do because I'm a human being. I'm selfless too. I know myself.

If someone really needs my help, he'll/she'll voice it out or not, I'm still goin' to help.

I'm a concerned human being. That's how God created me--to be sensitive to the feelings and thoughts of others.

If it will gonna be really true, my Plan B is to ask/plead for my auntie's sponsorship for my Masters.

I'll say that I'll pay them back after I have graduated and have a high-paying job.

I gotta really study hard to have a exemplary high-paying job. Then I'll work hard to be rich.

After that, there'll be no more problem about helping people around me--'cause I'm already rich.

About myself and my future life, specifically having my own family? 

Nah! I don't know. With the things happening to people around me make me not to think about such things anymore. 

Let all these things be unto Him. Let your will Thy be done, Oh God. 

wata life.. hate it.. really. +_+

Waaah! I really don't know now what to do in my life now! 

First of, I thought of bein' independent by findin' and rentin' my own apartment/room. But I don't want to rent or pay for my own home forever.  I can pay a monthly instalment for a condo while I live on my own. HOWEVER, how supposed my monthly salary be able to pay all of those things uh? Apartment monthly rent at the same time paying of a condo?!  Yeah life.. 

I really don't know now.. 

Bein' heartbroken is already given. No need to think 'bout it. 

Since I was born, I'm already a loser in that field. 

Why thought of livin' on my own? 

Since I started working, mom doesn't give me anymore. 

The only free things now are my shelter and foods when I'm at home. Besides that, nothin' more.

What's more? 

She told us when I was still at school that when we start workin', she will not ask for money from us.

But now, she does. However, I don't mind if I give all my salary 'cause I'm livin' in her house.

But then, she sometimes complains 'bout her cars' gas everytime she sends me to work using them.

Though I told her many times that I can commute on my own, she insists on bringin' me to work using her vehicles.

What am I supposed to do? Uh?  Stacked in these conversations. 

Aside from work I do at office,  there are other works I'm doin' at home.

Photocopying and some paper works 'bout my parents' businesses if there are.

I don't mind doin' all of these things. 

But I decided to start teachin' my youngest sibling 'bout the technical stuff in the computer.

So that when I'm not around, she can do it for our parents. 

What's more? 

They all think that when you start workin', you're already rich. 

Do you think my monthly salary is really that big? Uh?

Do think that if I live on my own, I can live a well-of life?

No, it's not. You're really wrong 'bout it.

My monthly salary is just enough for a single person to live accordingly.

So don't ask for more. Yeah life.. 

Sick en tired.. Life is really useless without its meaning.

And why every meaning should involve money? Uh? 

I really don't understand. 

Human beings are naturally greedy and selfish. 

My hatred to them is coming back little by little.

Hope it's not.. 

who do they think they are..uh?

I hate those people (in my mind). 

I hope I don't see them anymore. 

(Especially that person. Over my dead body. The other person is fine. As long as he'll changed his ways.)

In the end, they're a piece of crap to my eyes.

To be safe, hope they won't show their faces anymore.

I love you God. I love you Christ. And I love myself. 

Leikeze Van Helsing

Grand M0nde

Earth, Solar System

wat am i gonna do?

Nadedepress na ko!!! +_+

Every examination I had with regards to programming, I always review it when I get back at home whether my answers were correct or not. And almost all of them, I made mistakes and blunder moves. I always say, "Sayang! Tama na yung sagot pinalitan ko pa!" Two examinations related to Java were just simple; but then I failed to answer it correctly. And the reason is mainly I forgot them--may be the key terms or syntaxes. It feels like I am dependent with the application, Eclipse, whenever I am creating programs. I couldn't be sure to my answers when I am not using Eclipse--where I shouldn't be!

Nakaka-frustrate! Wala na nga ko lovelife, wala pa ko career. +_+ Why I am always experiencing this kind of hardships in life? Am I the only one who experience this? I wanna die now!!! 

Sorry if I was bein' negative. But then, it's pretty obvious that I'm a loser. Why not change my endeavour in life? Maybe change my career? How will I change my career.. It requires attending school again. Maybe it's not a good idea to find a job right away after having a 3-month solid vacation. I think, I should have laid more days reviewing and studying my lessons before looking for a job.

Ok.. I think I should come up with a plan. If I didn't get a job until first week of Aug, I'll take an off. Maybe 2-3weeks. And during these weeks, I'll study my lessons and try to cope up alone--of course, while attending reviews in OCPJP. I'll tell it to my mom when I already know the results of the 2nd interview in AN and an exam in A.

So help me God...

Leikeze Van Helsing
Grand M0nde
Earth, Solar System

sched since i arrived home

Schedule (since I arrived here)

Sunday: HP7 wid Rhea en Michael

Monday: Emerson @ Mandaluyong. Took the interview.

Tuesday @ PSE: Azeus. Took the 1st exam.

Wednesday: Fujitsu Ten Sol'n Ph @ PSE. Made to the 2nd exam but then failed it.

Thursday: Smart Wireless Center @ Makati. Took the exam in Java but failed it.

Friday: Accenture. Took the exam and passed it.

Monday:

9am - Software Ventures Int'l @ Ortigas. Will take the exam.

11:30am - Smart Wireless Center. Will take the SQL exam.

Tuesday (Optional):

MISYS @ Makati for exam (walk-in).

If I'll be lucky tomorrow, I might have three companies to choose from (Accenture, Smart, and SVI). But then, let His will thy be done. 

After 3mos of solid vacation, I started reviewing my lessons last Thursday (after I failed the Java exam in Smart). XD I am both reviewing the SQL (yesterday) and Java programming (since Thursday night).

I will still do my best in the exams and so with my reviews. I know He'll be there to give me enough knowledge, wisdom, and strength. I should be a positive thinker! Aja aja fighting! 

Yrekcah