3rd and 4th ILYs w/ Padaba

08/30

K fine

Am I too much?
Probably I am.
I want someone who feels like she couldn't get enough of my presence.
Someone who will call me and message me most of the times.
Not someone that I've put a lot of effort but will only tell me, "you're too much already".

2nd ILY for today

Very first

Very first 'I love you' text message from my padaba. 😆

If possible

I love you Anj. Hope you feel the same way too.
If possible, I want to see you everyday.
If possible, I want to hug and cuddle you everyday.
If possible, I want to kiss you everyday.
If possible, I want you to be the first person I see lying next to me every time I wake up.
If possible, I want to serve you and make you laugh always.
If possible, I want you to be my future wife and my last partner.

2024 Rel

Aug 20, 2024

Anj and I had a date. We went to S Maison for lunch at Lola Cafe and Time & Space Cube Museum. Then went to Ayala Malls By The Bay for the rollerskate.

I have her dried flowers bouquet with a card telling my true and honest feelings toward her. Then asked her if she can be my girlfriend.

She didn't answer my question until I dropped her at her home. I drove for 2.5hrs going home. I messaged her and asked her answer to my question. She said she lost the card. Told her I'll send when I get home to apt.

Fast forward, she said 'yes'. Aug 20, we're officially in a relationship. Screenshots of the conversation can be found in other blog post.

——

Even we're already officially in a relationship, we still have the same set-up. 😅 Except for the first 3 nights, tinoyo sya at inaway ako.

Hope our relationship get deeper soon. Cause now, we still have the same set-up. 2x / month meet-up in person. No daily VC. No physical touch.

I shouldn't rush things. It just, this feels so different from my past relationships. In my past rels, it didn't take 3 mos before I became in a rel w/ my exes. Too many physical or intimate touch/encounters. Get closed w/ them instantly. Became vulnerable at the start.

——

Anj is different. She's a very closed book. She seldom gives details about her life. It will take quite a long time to get her trust and for her to tell anything to you.

3+1 Things I’m Grateful For

1. My mom is still alive and kicking. My family is still eating enough meals every day.
2. I am still alive despite being broke and in great debt because of last failed investment.
3. I can still travel and do some outdoor activities despite being in great debt.
4. My furbabies are still healthy and eating well.

Aug 20 Proof - Taken na si Rove!

Sent from my iPhone

Life

Papagod na ko. Gusto ko na mag suicide.

Kath a Keeper?

Sent by Kath. God, I think it was meant to be that I met her. She may become my Christian friend, reminding me about you.

Potential partner? I am not sure. I need to get to know her first. She might be too good to be true. If yes, becoming a bff is better than to be in a romantic relationship with her. It's because becoming a good friend will go a lifetime than a romantic partner that may end anytime. And I guess, she's a keeper. 😁

Thank you God for using Kath in sharing your words to me. These words are very soothing on me.

Anj, what’s the problem?

Before, she initiates the call. She likes having video call with me not hiding any part of her face. She says "good morning" even when I was asleep and her message was the very first message I read for the day. She says "take care" when I go out. She messages me "Andito na ko" whenever she's already at her destination. She asks "San ka?" whenever I go out. She doesn't go the whole day seen-zoning my messages and not replying anything.
I like them all. It felt like my love and care were reciprocated. I appreciate it very much.

Now, she's as cold as ice. Maybe because I told her I seriously want to pursue her. And maybe because, her being cold is part of courting someone that you really like and want.

Well, if this is how liking someone means, be given with mixed signals and making me anxious all the time about what the person really feels for me, then I don't want to fall in love again.

——

Yung hindi pa kayo ng taong gusto mo, pero ilan beses kana umiyak dahil sa kanya. 😐

Should I?

Why am I so attached with Anj?
I got a little scared that I might have fallen in love so hard.
Should I pull away? Before it becomes too late for me to recover once I get hurt.
I even vaguely remember when was the last time I fell in love. Was it 4 years ago?
And it might be the very first time I fell in love like this, I developed feelings over time.

God, please give me a sign. Should I pull away now before it becomes too late?

Bat kinikilig si Rove 😅

For the past few days, I get to spent more time with Anj, even via call. Maybe because she was so sick.

She was sick since Tuesday night. I talked to her for hours at night and the whole day last Wednesday 'cause we're both on SL. It was the first time she was open to me about what she felt throughout her recovery. She didn't gave me details about her check-up though. Anyway, good thing she's doing well now.

The last time we talked for long was last night till this early morning before she got up, around 9hrs+.

Delikado na naman ako. Bakit ba kinikilig na naman ako.~

Don’t overthink. Just enjoy whatever life has to offer.

I think I just overthink.
When Anj is not responding for so long or just seen-zoned my messages, I tend to flip.

I worry that I might be wasting my time and she might not say "yes" to my question "will you be my girlfriend?"

I should entertain myself. I have lots of things to do when not working. I have games to play, books to read, weights to work out, Netflix to watch, etc. I should not depend on other people. I can entertain myself. I have my own space.

Anyway, based on the computation that women tend to fall in love after first date (average 134 days), Anj is estimated to fall in love by Oct 25th. This is quite long for me. My anxiety gets higher. 😅 This is more than 5 months since we met.

Am I in a hurry? Why should I? I thought my next relationship should be my last? I thought the next woman would be my fiancé then my wife? I can no longer afford more heart breaks and wasted time. Then I should take my time getting to know her. I should let God and the Universe do their job in making me close to my person.

For now, I got lots of activities. During the week, busy with work, house chores, workout, and read books. During weekend, I can go out and do adventures (hike, freedive, skydive, hangout with friends, etc) and play video games.

Then I have no reason to be in a hurry. To be in a relationship so fast. I should take things slow and take my time, if what I really wanted is someone I will marry and be with for the rest of my life.

Let Your will Thy be done oh God. I trust you in this life. I'm even not sure if I was really an alien in my previous life. 😅 If ever I'll get reincarnated, I don't want to be a human being again. Better to live in another planet. Haha. For now, I'll just enjoy whatever this life has to offer. I was born with nothing and I will leave Earth eventually with nothing.

Thanks for the reminder!

Ba't ba ko nagpapaliwanag kay Anj. 😐 Di naman kami. Tsk. Nakakahiya. 🤦🏻

Mag li-low muna siguro ko. Mag message nalang ako kapag kinausap or minessage na ko. Pahinga muna from being the initiator all the time. 😅Just give the same energy she gives. Kapagod lalo na kung di mo naman jowa. Wala naman ako responsibility to explain everything to her. Tsaka sabi nya, pinagsisiksikan ko lang sarili ko sa kanya. 🥺 Kelangan ko pa talaga marinig mula sa kanya para matauhan ako. Tsaka sabi nya, nagsasawa narin sya sa pagmumukha ko.

Dapat ko na siguro tigilan pagbibigay ng update sa kanya. Di naman kami in the first place. Nasobrahan pagiging bibo ko na di ko namamalayan, lumalagpas na ko sa boundary ko. 😅

Pasensya na Anj. Thanks for reminding me where place should be.