Why I decided to move on last Aug 2020?
Because I already fell ill physically (non-critical cyst), not just mentally and emotionally. I already got tired chasing (suyuin) the person I loved. That I finally realized that I love myself more and I should know my worth. That I don't have to force myself to someone who doesn't even care or want me.
I worked hard for the whole month of August. Meditation, workout, doctor check-ups, anti-depressive meds, read books, and family time. I dedicated myself to these, detached myself from the social media world. I was able to heal fast, also with the help of prayers and avoided the thoughts of past. I am very happy as single.
Sep 2020. I reconnected with a friend, Carol. Fast forward, we're now good friends. We both like each other. But we're not yet in a relationship nor in a commitment. We're both cautious (and probably don't want commitment yet) because we both want our next relationship will be our last one. That the next one would be the person we will be with for the rest of our lives. No ILYs, kisses, nor Good mornings yet. These words are precious to me and I only want to say them to my official partner - I guess she is too.
Told her that since it's not yet possible for us to see each other, we'll just enjoy each other's company as good friends online. If we're really destined to be together, in God's perfect time, we'll meet again. And if she's the woman God is preparing for me and I'm the person that's been preparing by God for her, then we will end up together. And if we're only destined to be good friends, that's okay. God knows best. ð All in His perfect time.
Love is patient. Love is kind.
P.S. Ayaw ko parin magsalita ng tapos. Baka iba plan ni God in the end. Pinasa-Diyos ko na lahat ng decisions and takbo ng buhay ko. Aminado narin naman ako na late bloomer ako at hopeless romantic. Pero alam ko sa sarili ko na I'm a loyal and faithful person. And I always think that the person I will love is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
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"Well.. I know my worth at alam ko ano kaya ko gawin kasi sa tao.. para mahalin ako." - Carol
Nope, pinakita at pinaramdam mo lang sa tao yung worth nya.
"Kelan kaya sya mag sasabi ng I LOVE YOU ð€£ð" - Carol
If He permits and in His perfect timing.
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What makes me like her?
She's funny. I can probably laugh all day just by talking to her. She's a straightforward person. They may hurt a little but they made me realized few things about my life and I appreciated it. She's an extrovert and I think, a mature person.
Few weeks I ago, I told her that I'm not the kind of person who will compete with other people when it comes to liking someone. If the person I like has many suitors or admirers, I tend to disappear and not like the person anymore. What she did? She started eating at home every lunchbreak just to avoid the workmate guy who is liking her (only two of them have the same lunch time). She even showed to her workmates one time that we're talking over the phone for 2 consecutive lunchbreaks at her workplace. I didn't tell her to do those. In fact, I don't mind if she eats or hang out with anyone. For some reason, I don't feel jealous anymore (I don't have the right in the first place.ð) Anyway, what she did proved that she likes me too and she's serious about it. I appreciated her desire and effort. ð She even told me not to be over protective and get rid of my insecurities.
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While waiting for that woman God is preparing for me. I have to continually develop and improve myself; and be the right person for that person.
On the other side, I want to stay single for now. Haha! Spend more time with myself, my furbabies, and my family.
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