Making People Glad To do What You Want

Always make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

I knew a man who had refuse many invitations to speak, invitations extended by friends, invitations coming from people to whom he was obligated; and yet he did it so adroitly that the other person was at least contented with his refusal. How did he do it? Not by merely talking about the fact that he was too busy and too-this and too-that. No, after expressing his appreciation of the invitation and regretting his inability to accept it, he suggested a substitute speaker. In other words, he didn't give the other person any time to fell unhappy about the refusal. He immediately changed the other person's thoughts to some other speaker who could accept the invitation.

This techniques of giving titles and authority worked for Napoleon and it will work for you.

The effective leader should keep the following guidelines  in mind when it is necessary to change altitudes or behavior:

1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on the benefits to the other person.

2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person really wants.

3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what it is the other person really wants.

4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.

5. Match those benefits to the other person's wants.

6. When you make your request, put it in a form that will convey to the other person the idea that he personally will benefit.

It is naïve to believe you will always get a favorable reaction from other persons when you use these approaches, but the experience of most people shows that you are more likely to change attitudes this way than by not using these principles - and it you increase your successes by even a mere 10 percent, you have become 10 percent more effective as a leader than you  were before - and that is your benefit.

Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct

Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift for it, and is doing it all wrong, and  you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique - be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do, let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it, that he has undeveloped flair for it - and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.

Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

Give a Dog a Good Name

"The average person can be led readily if you have his or her respect and if you show that you respect that person for some kind of ability." - Samuel Vauclain

If you want to improve a person in a certain respect, act as though that particular trait were already one of his or her outstanding characteristics. 

"Assume a virtue, if you have it not." - Shakespeare

It might well to assume and state openly that other people have the virtue you want them to develop. Give them a fine reputation to live up to, and they will make prodigious efforts rather than see you disillusioned.

"Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him." But give him a good name - and see what happens!

Principle 7: Give the other persona fine reputation to live up to. 

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

How To Spur People On To Success

Why, I wonder, don't we use the same common sense when trying to change people that we use when trying to change dogs? Why don't we use meat instead of a whip?  Why don't we use praise instead of condemnation? Let us praise even the slightest improvement. That inspires the other person to keep on improving.

"Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it. And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism, we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise." - Jess Lair

History is replete with striking illustrations of the sheer witchery of praise.

Use of praise instead of criticism is the basic concept of B.F. Skinner's teachings. This great contemporary psychologist has shown by experiments with animals and with humans that when criticism is minimized and praise emphasized, the good things people do will be reinforced and the poorer things will atrophy for lack of attention.

Praising the slightest improvement in the children rather than condemning everything they did wrong.

Everybody likes to be praised, but when praised is specific, it comes across as sincere - not something the other person may be saying just to make one feel good.

Remember, we all crave appreciation and recognition, and will do almost anything to get it. But nobody wants insincerity. Nobody wants flattery.

The principles taught in this book will work only when they come from the heart. I am not advocating a bag of tricks. I am talking about a new way of life.

Talk about changing people. If you and I will inspire the people with whom we come in contact to a realization of the hidden treasures  they possess, we can do far more than change people. We can literally transform them.

You who are reading these lines possess powers of various sorts which you habitually fail to use; and one of these powers you are probably not using to the fullest extent is your magic ability to praise people and inspire them with a realization of their latent possibilities. 

Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.

Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

Let The Other Person Save Face

Letting one save face! How important, how vitally important that is! And how few of us ever stop to think of it! We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault, issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front  of others, even without considering the hurt to the other person's pride. Whereas a few minutes' thought, a considerate word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person's attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!

Firing employees is not much fun. Getting fired is even less fun.

The effect on these people is one of disappointment and a feeling of being 'let down'.

Even if we are right and the other person is definitely wrong, we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.

"I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes. What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself. Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Principle 5: Let the other person save face.

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

No One Likes To Take Orders

The man declared that during all that time he had never heard Owen D. Young give a direct order to anyone. He always gave suggestions, not orders. Owen D. Young never said, for example, "Do this or do that," or "Don't do this or don't do that." He would say, "You might consider this," or "Do you think that would work?"

He always gave people the opportunity to do things themselves; he never told his assistants to do things; he let them do them, let them learn from their mistakes.

A technique like that makes it easy for a person to correct errors. A technique like that saves a person's pride and gives him or her a feeling of importance. It encourages cooperation instead of rebellion.

Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time - even if the order was given to correct an obviously bad situation.

Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the persons whom you ask. People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.

Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

Talk About Your Own Mistakes First

It isn't nearly so difficult to listen to a recital of your faults if the person criticizing begins by humbly admitting that he, too, is far from impeccable.

If a few sentences humbling oneself and praising the other party can turn a haughty, insulted Kaiser into a staunch friend, imagine what humility and praise can do for you and me in our daily contacts. Rightfully used, they will work veritable miracles in human relations.

Admitting one's own mistakes - even when one hasn't corrected them - can help convince somebody to change his behavior. 

Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

How To Criticize - And Not Be Hated For It

Simply changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in changing people without giving offense or arousing resentment.

Many people begin their criticism with sincere praise followed by the word "but" and ending with a critical statement. This could easily overcome by changing the word "but" to "and".

Calling attention to one's mistakes indirectly works wonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterly any direct criticism.

Principle 2: Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D

If You Must Find Fault, This Is The Way To Begin

It is always easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise of our good points.

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling, but the Novocain is pain-killing.

Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

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Nothing is impossible with Him. =D