Peace and Love

Had a nice trip with チャ. It was not the adventurous one but more of a staycation mode. 😆

It may look like our current relationship is "Friends with Benefits" but I don't wanna think about it more. If she doesn't want yet to be in a relationship or commitment, then it's fine. At least we don't have constraints in doing anything that makes us happy. ☺️ If she wanna meet friends or possible suitors, it's okay. She doesn't need to get anyone's permission, and so do I. 😁 We're both technically single (again).

On a positive note, I am not required or compulsory to see her - sunduin or samahan sya - whenever I don't feel like to. 😋 Kasi when she was still my partner, as my queen, I was obliged to serve her. ☺️ That's out of love of course. But now, I just love her but I am not required to sacrifice anymore when I don't feel like to. 😋 Moreover, she's not queen anymore.

I just have to fulfill my promise to her - support her in her dreams and goals in life. I'm serious about it. What is it in me? I will feel a sense of fulfillment when I see her becomes the CPA Lawyer she dreams of. 😊 And I'm deadly serious when I said, I will support her financially (except for tuition, that's her mom's) when she resigned. チャ is already part of the family.

As for me, I will push through with my Masters. I will not push or pressure myself in buying my own place for now. I need to sacrifice. The money for that possible own place will be directed to my family. I will assist my parents when they needed to. I am sponsoring チャ in her living expenses. I buy baon sometimes for my nieces and nephews. And other needed stuff at home, gotta help.

Family first. ☺️
Give more, expect less. ☺️
But of course, never forget self-love. 😄

Just be positive. Soon, I will reap what I sow.
Just keep on sowing love and kindness. 😉

Morning Thoughts

6:41AM

I just thought, if ever may magustuhan si Cha na iba or ma-fall in love sya ulit, what would I feel? Siguro, a little pain but I'll be happy for her. I am only helping her out of the promises I made and my love (as a human being, friend, and more than a romantic one) for her. In the end, all I want is her happiness and her wellness. If ever she'll find it with someone else, who am I not to be happy for her? 😋

I'm already at the point of my life where the love I feel towards a person is more than a romantic feeling. Wherein you'll be happy if you'll get chosen in the future and also will be happy on behalf of her when not. I don't know what this is called, soulmate love?

But who doesn't like to get married with the person they love? I'll be hypocrite if I'll say I am. 😝

For now, I'll just do what makes me happy. ☺️ (Currently practicing Buddhism meditation.) The right time will arrive soon. No worries, trust Him and the Universe.

2 and half days

9:53PM
Though Cha already left the house, she's still part of the family. And as part of the family, I need to help her out. And as I said, I am not expecting in return. The only favors I can ask for are two things:
1) She'll tell me if she's seeing someone else or liking someone else. Knowing this, I would know my boundary and I won't offend anyone even that person. I believe in Cha that she will not take this opportunity as "single" to two-time or just flirt anyone. She's a natural friendly and people mistake that into her liking them romantically. I know that Cha is maturing and knows what is right and wrong.
2) I will be able to see her achieve her dreams and goals as CPA Lawyer. After this, I can finally say that I have fulfilled my promises and one of my missions here on Earth.

But if ever - just ever since I'm not expecting and I don't know the future - she'll choose me in the future, I'm going to ask her to marry me. Yeah, there are people who tells me that there are more beautiful, more pretty, more smart, more caring women out there who I deserve instead of waiting for a woman who's no assurance that I am still loved. But I imagined myself getting married with Cha last year. And I think, this gives me a little hope for her love, maybe, just maybe in the future.

On the other hand, as much as I want her and MC to live here at our house so that they don't have to pay for rent, electric bill, water bill, and food, I couldn't. I don't want her study be disturbed by playing kids. With this, I will just help them financially with their living expenses.

Let's push the CDO. I couldn't think of any activities in CDO as a solo traveler. I've been there years ago, that's why. I will just practice meditation and wait for Cha's arrival.

Now, Cha is sick. Her fever keeps coming back according to MC. I asked MC a favor to take care of Cha. As much as I want to take care of her, it's beyond my capability now. I have constraints as you can see. I'm here at our house and she's there at their home. I don't know their address and I'm not allowed to go there.

In the past few days, I was thinking of getting my own house/flat first before a car. Then maybe, I can invite Cha and MC to live with me instead, or ask them to live there instead. With that, they don't have to pay for any bills (rent, electric, and water). I will also handle all their living expenses and Cha's school expenses.

I'm done eating pizzas, mojos, and Coke - food that I am not allowed to eat. LOL. Rhea's "friend" or suitor is here, downstairs.

------

12:44PM
Riri's 1st birthday was a blast! 😁

——

Just like what I thought so, チャ still loves me or at least, still has feelings for me or cares for me. If she doesn't, she wouldn't care at all whatever happens to me or she will reject all my help/gifts to her. 

Evidences?

She lied to me about the music box. She has a choice not to show it to me at all if she thinks I shouldn't care. She showed but told me it was coming from the office and not from her childhood friend who've been liking her for years. Why she told me that it was coming from somewhere else? As for me, there's nothing wrong about it since they're both single. She said, it's because I'm seloso. 😆 If you wouldn't care about the person, you will not give a damn whether that person will get jealous or not, it's none of your business already! But then, she still thought about my wellness. 😊 So that means, she still care for me. I told her that yes, I'm seloso but I'm way passed that immatureness she's thinking and I am currently practicing self-control and meditation. It's okay to get jealous as long as you don't act on it.

Another one, she was really concerned about my eye incident. I joked that it looks like it's in my tear duct then that means I will not be able to cry anymore which is a good thing. 😆

——

On the other side, I think that チャ is so careful not to hurt me in any way. She thought that I am still not growing up which is very wrong. I can changed for an instant and drastically if I would like to. Then I told her once, "I am growing up. How about you?" Maybe she still stuck to the idea that I am still the same. As for me, I already think of her differently, that her will and mental well-being have matured but her emotional well-being has not yet.

——

I think my goal right now is to help my loved ones and expect nothing in return. Living a selfless life with self-control. And this enticed me to learn and study Buddhism. Meditation and clearing one's mind. Detaching myself from this worldly desires.