Rove: The Kid of Bender

Wat's up today?

Stress. Stress. Stress.
Ayaw ko na magisip.. -_-" XD Things 'round me kill me.

I was thinkin' 'bout the deadlines in school, the projects, reports, exams..
I was thinkin' 'bout life after grad..
I was thinkin' 'bout mySmile..

I am bound to my responsibilities.. It feels like I am really Ang of Avatar: The AirBender. XD

It feels like Java is the only subject we had. That I eventually forgot the other subjects that were loading up one by one with deadlines.

I like and love mySmile. Yeah, you read it right. I have fallen already to mySmile. BUT I couldn't move. Especially that I couldn't see any interest from mySmile. AND I couldn't move 'cause I am still bound with my responsibilities. I chose these responsibilities b'cause as a human being, I should do these things.

I was thinkin'.. IF mom will really deport me to SG this June, I was wishin' and hopin' that when I come back, I could still see mySmile. And hopin' that mySmile will still be single. Haha! XD That time, I guess, pede ko na siya kareerin. As we all know, my parents are 100% supporting me currently. Without them, I have nothin'. That's why I was keepin' in mind the ROI.

If it's not because of ROI, I might already killed myself long time ago. XD

A story... real one. Just happened this afternoon, lunch.

Kinikilig ako, honestly. Natutuwa ako, deep inside. Haha! Hindi ko pinahalata dahil di dapat. First of all, dapat ngayon palang ay hindi na ko masyado lumalapit sa mga pips. What I mean is bawasan dahil mahirap na pagnagkaroon ng attachment--kahit sa friendships. Ayaw kong may nalulungkot o nasasaktan sa mga fellas ko esp. when the time has come that we all need to separate. I love these buddies. Haha.

Nyway, back to the story I supposed to tell you. XD

Kami ay nag-lunch sa caf.. We (tal, pudhang, anatots, louga, and I) were seated sa tabi ng activity area (Explorers' Club was promotin' its events). Maingay.. Yeah.. Chit chat.. Kain.. After ko kumain, pahinga.. Waitin' for 12:30pm para umakyat na ng dorm. Alam ko na this day ay naka-sched ang photoshoot ni mySmile.. 10:00 to 11:30am to be exact. Hindi ako stalker. Nakita ko lang sa sched. -_-" Hahaha! XD Una kong sinabi nung nakita ko yung sched ay "Haha. Imposible na makita ko siya. Thank goodness! Nasa Java training pa ko." Hindi ko narin naman na gusto makita siya dahil gusto ko na mag-move on. Pero sa tuwing nakakamove-on na ko, dun naman siya bigla nagpapakita kaya ayun tuloy, bigla bigla nalang bumabalik feelings ko. -_-" XD

Lapit na mag 11:30am.. I was lookin' at the caf's door, watchin' people comin' in and goin' out. Haha. At may thought bigla pumasok sa utak ko, "Andito pa kaya siya sa school.. Haha. Asa! XD" After few minutes, 'round 3-5mins, bigla siya pumasok ng caf's door! Wata! Hahaha! Tiningnan ko siya. Ayos na yun dahil lam ko naman na hindi niya ko makikita na nakatingin sa kanya at hindi rin niya makikita table namin... KASO! Iba ang ngyari! Nung napansin ko na papalapit siya sa area namin. Iniba ko na tingin ko. Tumingin na ko sa harap ko.

Set up ng tables area namin..
Us, table 1. Sa harap namin ay table 2. Sa kanan ng table 2 ay table 3. Nasa table 3 sila Amlehta and da other fwends. Haha.

Sa table 2, napapansin ko na na ang mga tao andun (come and go. one or two people were left) ay mga ka-org ni mySmile. (Sayin' the org's name is prohibited. XD) Then.. ayun!!! Lumapit siya sa table2!!! Nasa harap ko lang na table! AT bago siya magsettle down dun, nakayuko na ko--tryin' to be serious. XD Then amlehta called me. Lam ko kung bakit niya ko tinatawag. Ung unang tawag niya ay di ko pinansin. Tas ayun, ningunguso niya si mySmile. Sabi ko lang thru mouth movements ay "alam ko." Sabay small laugh. Then yuko ulet. XD Then nakikita kong kinakausap na ni Amlehta si mySmile.. At nung tumingin ako saglit sa harap na table (nasa harap ko lang kasi dude! amfanget ng upuan ko. XD), which is table 2, nakaupo na siya! OMG! Alam mo kung san siya nakaupo?? Sa harap ko! Nakaharap siya sakin! As in! We're facin' each other while there are two tables between us. -_- Before siya magsettle down dun, Lou asked me, "Baket ka tinawag ni Amleht?" I just pointed to Lou thru lips. XD Then Lou turned around then laughed! WAT DA LOUGA! Anlakas ng tawa niya na narinig ata ni mySmile. At sabi ni Lou, nung tumingin daw siya, nakita niyang nakatingin si mySmile samin. -_- Langya ka Louga!! XD Ayun nga. Nakaupo siya sa harap ko. Lou was in front of me. Pero my space between her and Tal that's why I could see mySmile thru the space. XD Di ko na siya tinitingan simula nung lumapit siya sa area namin, dahil baka makita niya ko. Mahirap na.. Kahit na sabihin natin na alam naman niya na may gusto ako sa kanya. HAHAHA! XD

Then 12:35pm na. Ana asked me kung akyat naba kami. Then I said yes agad. Haha. Tumayo kami. Dumaan sa gilid ng table 2. Di ako tumingin, diretso lang.. XD Tal even accused me of askin' to go up b'cause mySmile was there.. Tsktsk. XD

END OF STORY... Hahaha!

Since I asked Him 'bout lettin' me to give gifts to mySmile as Valentine's and Bday, wala pa ko nakukuhang malinaw na sagot mula sa Kanya. Puro pagpaparamdam lang thru showin' up of aura lang.. XD Ang sign na hinihinge ko ay wala pa.. Kaya dahil din dun kaya hindi ako maka-move. Freeze pa ko. He owns my life kaya Siya ang decision maker ko.. Impulsive decision maker pa naman ako minsan. Hahaha! XD

Nyway,, friday na bukas. Kelangan na magprepare sa photoshoot para sa sat. Haha! Good night!!

 

Grandia Vrualg
Grand M0nde
Earth, Solar System

wat da on earth? XD

Inaantok na ko.. at pagod na ko.. -_- Pero dahil di ako nakapag-post ng entry kahapon, sige.. Hahaha!
Wat happened yesterday?
Uh?
Couldn't remember that much.. XD
All I can remember is I was not in a good shape. Haha! Don't know why.. Guess lonely? 'Cause I'm away from home? Tsktsk.

Today...
Played badminton..
Who played? Pudhang, Tal, Anatots, Drei, Ros ros, and I.
Tired ourselves (rose and I) playin' badminton till the end (till one P.E. class time). XD
Had a tutorial regarding Reverse in Java with Conchi. Haha. Rose was also there.
Then went to SM Makati and Glorietta with Conchi. We met Louga there.
I bought earings and shorts for the Yearbook pictorial on Saturday. Haha.
Had fun chattin' and bondin' with Lou and Conchi. Haha. Louga seems like my fashion consultant now. XD

Just finished our hw in Java.. And wanted to sleep now.. +_+

Oh by the way, nakasabay ko sa elevator kanina ang grupo nila Kim. You know, the circle of mySmile. XD It was just me and them inside the elevator. XD
This is the story...
I was waitin' at the even elevator (beside the odd), when I saw the circle of Kim enterin' at school's entrance (SLEX side). I was just alone standin' at the elevator's line. When I saw them, tumalikod ako agad at humarap sa elevetor's door. Kim, the first person who approached the elevator's line, caught my attention by saying, "Sabi na nga ba eh. Di kana mamamansin Rove after ng Internship eh." With a laugh. XD I just replied, "Di ah." With a laugh too. Then I entered first the elevator. Humarap ako agad sa pindutan ng floors. Kim was at my back. She kept on teasin' me by saying, "Di na talaga namamansin si Rove. Natapos lang ang Internship eh." I only replied, "Haha. Adik." Then she added, "Kahit si L******* ay di mo na pinapansin." A little laugh from me. At biglang nagsalita si mySmile after sinabi yun ni Kim. Sabi ni mySmile, "Onga Rove. Ganyan kana.." Though my back was facin' theirs, I could see that they're lookin' at each other and makin' teasin' faces. *sigh* At nung nasa 6th floor na, si Kim ang huling bumaba. Bago siya bumaba, hinila nya buhok ko. I guess my sinabi pa siya eh. I am just not sure. XD I guess she just said was, "Sige Rove. Mamansin ka naman." I saw her teasin' smile while her face was fadin'. All I just said, "Baliw ka talaga." With a small laugh again. XD

I thought di ko na makikita si mySmile till' graduation. And I was wishin' for it. Haha. Bumabalik ang feelings ko sa kanya knowing na andyan lang sya sa malapit.. -_-" Magtuluy tuloy lang sana na hindi ko siya nakikita hanggang graduation, ok na eh. Honestly, I still like mySmile and my special feelings na talaga ako sa kanya. But nakakalimutan ko yun with just a continual absence of physical presence nya. XD

I was not sure kung yun na yung sign na hinihinge ko kay God. But it's different. Ang sign na hinihinge ko ay kausapin ako ni mySmile sa isang pagkasalubungan namin. And the thing na dapat sabihin nya ay "Oi Rove. Kamusta kana?" That's the sign I was askin' from Him. Pero iba yung narinig kong sinabi ni mySmile eh. Sabi niya, "Onga Rove. Di kana namamansin.." So hard... Ayaw ko man antayin ung clue that I was askin' from Him, wala na ko magagawa. I am not meant to stay or settle here in the PH. Gusto ko man careerin si mySmile, di pede. Aalis din ako after grad eh, 'round June for sure. I guess and I think, di na ko pede mag-commit. Gusto ko man bigyan ng chance sarili ko, di ko maaaring gawin. I was tied with my responsibilities. At gusto ko man magcommit, kanino naman? Asa naman na may magkakagusto sakin. -_- XD I am a kid. And everybody treated me like that. Nobody treated me as the mature me and the real me. Nobody knows the real me, I guess. And because of this, there's none who can appreciate what I have and can do. Haha! XD

Haha. It's already 1am and I gotta go to bed. XD Goodnight!

P.S. Excited for Friday and Saturday! Haha.

Grandia Vrualg
Grand M0nde
Earth, Solar System

i'm still a kid...

The question isn't whether you are or afraid or not, it's what you do with that fear. When you're afraid, you will probably choose one of three ways to respond: to live with fear; to run from fear; or to face up to fear with faith.

Jesus wants you to face up to fear with faith. "I'm leaving you with a gift, peace of mind and heart. And the peace that I give isn't fragile like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled, don't be afraid" (John 14:27 LB).

(Extract from Daily Hope entitled, Choose Faith and Question Your Fears)

Mom always told me not to be discouraged nor skeptical. I shouldn't think of negative things. It's sometimes good havin' a debate with my mom 'cause I always end up askin' myself, "Why feared?". And I thank God and Christ for my mom. I know that He continually using my mom to guide me.

Personal Love Life?

I don't have that.

Why?

Why bothered? I got my family, my parents, siblings, and especially my nieces and nephew.

But it sometimes strikes your mind...

It's okay. This is my destiny. To live like Monkey D' Luffy. Haha!

You always makin' things funny. Though it doesn't look one.

Haha. This is me. I just laugh at all troubles, sadness, en any not-so-good feelings I feel.

Honestly, I always tell things to people that I'm still a kid and what I just want in life is to have adventures. Yeah, it's like that. "Still a kid" is some kind of a defense mechanism to me. But sometimes, thought strikes my mind that I won't be able to find the right person for me.  Haha. I get lonely though loneliness is very minimal when I'm at home--with the people I know will stay with me for the rest of my life.

Grandia Vrualg
Grand M0nde
Earth, Solar System