Can’t take it anymore…

Lord God,

Please help me. I think I'm already at the verge of killing myself. 😕

As you know, nagsabay sabay lahat ng gastusin ko nakaraan. Nahospital si Tiger and I already spent more or less 30k for his recovery including meds. Then almost 30k for moving out (rents, stuffs).

My salary is not even at par with my experience and performances for the previous years. I am almost hitting a 10 year work experience but my salary is just for 4-5 years experience.

Then the pressure I receive from work because PgM kept giving me tasks out of nowhere. Sometimes I would like to question, are these really PM role? 😆

Then these fanatic people who I think, ready to kill for the sake of their politicians. 😅

My anxiety keeps on elevating everytime there's a stressor. Sometimes, I couldn't take it anymore. As much as I would like to visit my psychiatrist again, I couldn't afford it. By December, I don't know anymore how to pay all the bills and eat at the same time. My forecasted financial for December is -50%. 😫

Because of these things, I'd rather choose to be gone permanently. 😶 Suicide is a selfish act but the easiest way out to peace.

——

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight."

"If you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain to move over there and it will move."

"No problem is bigger than Him. Trust Him as He's the provider."

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Hello my past relationship

Hey!

How are you doin? Just want to let you know that I thank you. Thank you for the love and lessons you've shared. We may haven't ended together but the valuable experiences we had helped me grow maturely.

I know we both have already moved on and we're happy in our own different lives. But told you in the past that I want to get peace with my past so that it won't haunt me when I push through with the future. Also, told you that if we were not in a romantic relationship, we might be good siblings. And I thought of you one as the latter. Whenever you need a family to listen to you, I'm just here.

I'm pretty serious with Carol and I think she's already the one. Though I didn't admit it at first because I might swallow what I said in the future. 😅 But yeah, I want to get really serious with her and I am already seeing a future with her (I think since last year).

So I want us to be still in good terms as family and friends to avoid possible grudges and resentments in the future. And you know me, I'm a loyal and faithful person. 😜 Just in case Carol will doubt me, you can bail me out. Haha! Kidding!

Hope you'll have a very good and happy holidays despite the pandemic. Keep fighting! Aja aja! You can do it!

-Rove

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Life = Game

I guess one great mistake I did in the past was to love someone more than myself. Whom I thought I'll propose to and live till the end.

Then for some reason, life opened its windows and made realize how pathetic I was for so long. That I was not the only person and we might be three or more.

It was one of the biggest heartbreak I had. And it changed me a lot. I'm no longer the sweet and clingy type of person. I no longer chase and please people.

Now sure if Carol would be able to change me back into a kind, understandable, and loving person I used to be. Carol is so kind and she serves me with all her best. I don't wanna to hurt that kind of person. Lucky she is as I am a loyal and faithful person. I just don't know anymore how to show my care. 😆

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