One day

Dear God,

I commit to you my heart and my mind - and also my lovelife.

Haha. Masyado na ko nasaktan. Well, hindi na ko nadala. "If a person once treated you like you were nothing, he or she will do it again in the future."

In the past, napakadali lang sa kanya lokohin ako. At napakadali lang din sa kanya sabihin sakin na "break na tayo". I believe her when she said, she'll change for the better - 180 degrees. But how stupid am I to believe na hindi na madali sa kanya sabihin yung "break na tayo". Haha. I guess, once in your life, makaka-encounter ka talaga ng tao na madali lang sa kanila bitawan ang mga salita na big deal.

And Rove..self-respect. I guess it's really high time to move on. When I said "move on", it's not just forgetting your love and care for the person. It might be still there, you care for the person. But there are times that one way to show care for the person is to leave out of his/her life.

I should love myself by spending more time with people who have high standards and have the desire to improve. People who are honest and genuine. People who have morals and respect.

I should surround myself with people who are afraid to lose me. Even for once, I should find this person. And settle with her.

God, help me. Show me the right path I should walking at. Please don't let me go astray, Holy Spirit.

I love you God, Christ, and Holy Spirit. I commit my life, my heart, and my mind to you.

I am very confident and optimistic that one day, I'll meet that one woman who will respect, cherish, and honor me. And I will do the same to her.

"When in doubt, pray."

Amen!

I believe in you. One day, your day will come.

Why am I still here?

Am I stupid enough not to stand on my own and blindly chasing you?

I guess not. Because I still believe in you.

Once my presence is completely gone and out of sight, that's the moment I'm already out of your life.

I just want to guide you as long as I still can.

But still, I'm just a human being. All things have its end, even my patience. Haha.

One day, you'll meet the person na para talaga sayo. Yung taong hindi mo gaganituhin. Yung taong hindi mo bibitawan ng mga salita ng hindi nagiisip. Yung taong hindi mo paglalaruan ang damdamin. Yung taong rerespetuhin mo yung presence nya. Yung taong i-aadore mo at magiging honest and faithful ka. One day, makikilala mo sya. At marerealize mo yung mga pagkakataon na pinagsamahan natin. Itetreasure mo sya more than you did to me.

I believe in you. Na one day, mag mamature ka. Na one day, you'll grow up. Na one day, you will respect every relationship.

I'm finally signing off. I can no longer give you another chance to be my partner/gf nor fiancé/future wife. I've given you a chance but you blew it off, again. I'm not a toy, especially not your toy. We all deserve someone who will respect and treasure us.

Goodbye my lover. How are you my forever friend.

Getting over...

I am still being haunted by the memories of cheating and lies. I was supposed to get over it, started in Jul 2019 not until チャ reconnected again with her affair last Dec 2019. Now, everything goes back to zero again. The memories returned. I have to forgive again and again. I have to forget again and again. Why am I doing this in the first place?

I deserve a respectable, faithful, loyal, and consistent woman. And that woman deserves a hardworking, faithful, loyal, and respectable person like me.

After 10 months of breakup, we got back together again. She was the one who asked me. And without second thought, I said yes. Can I trust her again? I guess yes but not 100%. I became more sensitive and cautious. I now trust my instinct more than any words I can hear from anyone.

One of my goals is to buy a lot in a subdivision and build my own house. I'm no longer planning long term for the "two of us". It's now more of a generic - that whoever be the woman I'm gonna marry, she's the one I'll bring home. Well, I used to plan a future with チャ. I worked my ass off just to bring her to all places around the world, provide her needs and sometimes wants, etc, thinking that she's the one I'm gonna marry. But everything was a lie. I was so stupid and naive for 2 years. Let God take care of her. She said, she turned 180 degrees from the old self she's been. It's not that I don't believe her, but let's see. Two years of probation was reset back to zero. We all need a consistent person - a person whose actions are the same with his/her words. For the next two years, I will not close my doors for any possibilities - especially if God intend it to happen. If God, one day, show me the woman He's been preparing for so long for me, I've got to be ready. And now, I'm no longer giving my all to the person I'm currently in a relationship with. I wanna make sure that there are always more for me.

Once you know your worth, you no longer beg for someone else's love, attention, and loyalty.

I don't wanna look back and repeat the same mistakes I had. I will only glance at the past to remind me of the things I experienced and of course, lessons learned. I can no longer be 100% sure of my future. I will only get hold of the things that are within my control. For the things that are beyond my control, let God take care of them.

More cautious,
Wiser,
More self-lover,
Rove

So help me God.