Hey GrandiaCool!
Apologies if I've been spamming you with all the things in my mind. There's no way for me to have them out - only to you. And I deeply thank you for that.
You know I don't have anyone to tell about my heartaches in life. Well, I was able to tell some to my friend but she too is undergoing heartaches. It's also painful for her so I don't want to add up to that.
Just let me have this until the sun shines upon my face - literally. I want to pour all the emotions I have. Good thing I am wfh this week. My friends in office will not be able to see my puffy eyes. ð
All the sadness and pains, I want to cry them all out until the day I can no longer feel any pain and no more tear coming out. Until the day my heart becomes as hard as rock. Until the day when I read these posts again, I will just say "Haha! What a creep." When that day has come, I have finally moved on. I can finally say, "Bring it on!"
I cannot be as soft as ice cream anymore. I think, what I did is already too much. I've shown enough of myself to ãããŒ. The weaknesses, honesty, stupidity should be shown only to my future wife. My future wife who is committed to support me and cooperate with me as we are partners. My future wife who will never leave me hanging. My future wife who is trustworthy, honest, faithful, loyal, and independent. And finally, my future wife who can cook me good food. ☺️
Haha. The idea of future wife makes me feel excited to experience the future. And hopefully, within 5 years, I will be able to meet her. And when I finally meet her, I'm already successful and wealthy. So we don't have to fight over financials anymore. ð See you soon My Future Wife! Just stay back and relax. We'll get there. Just be patient. ð
—-
I already imagined myself, living in a beautiful house in a foreign country, married to a beautiful woman, and have two kids (1 boy and 1 girl). My beautiful wife has the smile of an angel. I am looking at her face and smiling, "What a beautiful creation is this." ☺️ Then our beautiful kids run toward their mom and I was like "There's no more I could ever ask for."
(I will never forget this scene. My dream.)
Amen to this! Please help me God! ðð»
Thursday, January 03, 2019
Visions
God, help me.
I don't know what to do with this depression.
I'm having visions again of committing suicide.
I've seen I locked myself up in my room. Closed door and windows. Sealed every air outlet. The portable stove was lit up, and there was a charcoal melting in the frying pan. After sometime, closed the stove and laid down on the floor.
I saw my family trying to open the door after hours I didn't get out of the room. My parents rushed me to the hospital, only to find out that it's already too late. Mom called my sister and told the news. I saw ãã㌠rushing home after hearing the news from my sister.
I saw friends and colleagues in my funeral, shocked. I saw Innah wearing black blouse and black shades. People were crying.
——
Searched over the internet: carbon monoxide poisoning
"A new study - the most detailed yet into the phenomenon - concludes it is now claiming the lives of people who would never before have gone through with an attempt to commit suicide."
It's the easiest way out.
I don't know what to do with this depression.
I'm having visions again of committing suicide.
I've seen I locked myself up in my room. Closed door and windows. Sealed every air outlet. The portable stove was lit up, and there was a charcoal melting in the frying pan. After sometime, closed the stove and laid down on the floor.
I saw my family trying to open the door after hours I didn't get out of the room. My parents rushed me to the hospital, only to find out that it's already too late. Mom called my sister and told the news. I saw ãã㌠rushing home after hearing the news from my sister.
I saw friends and colleagues in my funeral, shocked. I saw Innah wearing black blouse and black shades. People were crying.
——
Searched over the internet: carbon monoxide poisoning
"A new study - the most detailed yet into the phenomenon - concludes it is now claiming the lives of people who would never before have gone through with an attempt to commit suicide."
It's the easiest way out.
Rove the Billionaire Boss ð
The alcohol has already worn off. ð£
Now my insomnia strikes again.
It's been more than 24hrs since the last time I heard something from ãã£. Does it mean we're already finished? Do I need to start moving on?
Her language of love:
- Affirmation
- Service
But looking at it, she doesn't need any of my SORRYs and HIs anymore.
My language of love:
- Quality Time
- Service
My QT has been derailed already. Since yesterday, each hour I haven't heard from her, makes me anxious that we're already done just like how most immature women do these days when they're breaking up - they just gone like poof without you knowing what is it now or what.
——
Though Tiger has not eaten yet, as I forgot his food, he's still comforting me each night. Cried hard few hours ago. Fell asleep while crying. Tiger smelled my tears and made me feel that there is still someone who thinks of me - which is him. I love you Tigs! You're my up and down partner - my true partner. Partner who never leaves me alone hanging with questions and uncertainties. You're my true bestfriend - always there for me even though I don't notice you all the time. Now I know who's there through thick or thin.
——
Guess Rove it's time to move on. Just think that your ãã㌠is already in Heaven. That way, it would be easier to think that she didn't left you with no apparent reason. It's God's reason, you don't have to know but you just have to trust.
——
Rove, you are the best! Your time is valuable and precious. You once told me that your time is the greatest gift you can give to anyone. Then treat it as if it's a limited edition. Deserving people will come to you, will ask for your time, and will cherish it. Just like what your friend told you yesterday. She was thankful you are there, listening to her problems. She told you she needed someone to talk to during these days - and guess, she needed you to be there just to hear her out. There is someone who explicitly told you s/he needed your time. Does it feel good that someone values your time? ☺️ Cherish these people.
Rove the best!
Get certified then get MBA. ð
Rove the boss. ð
Rove the billionaire.
All the beautiful women in the world will kill each other dying to be with you. Wait for that.
Then you don't have to beg for someone's time anymore as people will do it.
Increase your worth. Someday, only worthy people can get a glimpse of your time.
In Jesus' name, amen!
Now my insomnia strikes again.
It's been more than 24hrs since the last time I heard something from ãã£. Does it mean we're already finished? Do I need to start moving on?
Her language of love:
- Affirmation
- Service
But looking at it, she doesn't need any of my SORRYs and HIs anymore.
My language of love:
- Quality Time
- Service
My QT has been derailed already. Since yesterday, each hour I haven't heard from her, makes me anxious that we're already done just like how most immature women do these days when they're breaking up - they just gone like poof without you knowing what is it now or what.
——
Though Tiger has not eaten yet, as I forgot his food, he's still comforting me each night. Cried hard few hours ago. Fell asleep while crying. Tiger smelled my tears and made me feel that there is still someone who thinks of me - which is him. I love you Tigs! You're my up and down partner - my true partner. Partner who never leaves me alone hanging with questions and uncertainties. You're my true bestfriend - always there for me even though I don't notice you all the time. Now I know who's there through thick or thin.
——
Guess Rove it's time to move on. Just think that your ãã㌠is already in Heaven. That way, it would be easier to think that she didn't left you with no apparent reason. It's God's reason, you don't have to know but you just have to trust.
——
Rove, you are the best! Your time is valuable and precious. You once told me that your time is the greatest gift you can give to anyone. Then treat it as if it's a limited edition. Deserving people will come to you, will ask for your time, and will cherish it. Just like what your friend told you yesterday. She was thankful you are there, listening to her problems. She told you she needed someone to talk to during these days - and guess, she needed you to be there just to hear her out. There is someone who explicitly told you s/he needed your time. Does it feel good that someone values your time? ☺️ Cherish these people.
Rove the best!
Get certified then get MBA. ð
Rove the boss. ð
Rove the billionaire.
All the beautiful women in the world will kill each other dying to be with you. Wait for that.
Then you don't have to beg for someone's time anymore as people will do it.
Increase your worth. Someday, only worthy people can get a glimpse of your time.
In Jesus' name, amen!
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