The Ultimate Gift

This Ultimate Gift movie is making me cry. 😢

1. A child should not precede his/her parents.
2. Money is not everything. I know it, in my heart. I only bluff when I say I need to be rich someday. I only want to comfort myself because I know, there will be times in my life that I will be left alone. And money is the only thing I can use to provide me temporary joy when all the people I love starts leaving me. But yeah, it’s wrong. I have my God.
3. My dream is not really to become successful or to be rich. My dream is to gather the people I love and spend a day or two with them. I dream of having my own family - my wife, my kids, and our furbabies. Then we spend a great weekend getaway together with our families - our moms, our dads, siblings, nieces, nephews,etc.
4. Emily has a leukemia. I have a very soft heart for kids. 😭 I was sobbing.
5. I then remembered that チャ is low blood. The stress from work + review + law school will contribute to anemia.

All these get me teary in my eyes. This movie makes me emotional that I even took my med for today. 😢

——-

God,

I will not be there anymore to take care of チャ. I will no longer there to remind her to take her vitamins. Or to remind her to eat breakfast at the right time. Or to remind her to use her mask and/or umbrella when going out.

If banishing my existence from her life will keep her healthy, no risk of anemia or whatsoever, then I'm fine. Just please take care of her, God. Keep her healthy and safe, then I'll be gone in exchange.

Please... Thank you. In Jesus name, amen!

-Rove

Fishing Principle

"Don't cry because they left you. Work on yourself and make them regret it."

"It's okay if people don't like you. Most people don't even like themselves."

One article said, "there are still many fishes in the sea." My take, yes, there are. But not so many quality fishes.

Finding a partner is like fishing.

To get a very rare and quality fish, you have to do few things:

1. Work hard to build a quality and sturdy fishing rod. This is going to be your tool.

2. Prepare the best bait. Bait doesn't come overnight. Research and experiments are sometimes needed.

3. Work hard to fund your expedition. Rare fishes don't mingle with other fishes in common places. Research is needed here. Prepare your other needed resources.

4. Pack your things and go! Only brave souls are blessed with opportunities and chances.

5. Lastly, at the location, hard work and patience are needed. Throw your fishing line as far and as hard as you can. Then you just need to wait. Timing is everything! When you finally got something, with all your might, pull it.

Of course, the fishing principle is not only applicable in getting a lovelife, but also in achieving your goals and dreams in life. 😉

-Rove

——-

My sando smells like チャ's sleeping saliva. 😅😆 Was I not able to washed this properly? Darn! 😂🤣😂

K.tnx.bye. 😆

I sent チャ an open letter few mins ago.

That's it! Bye!

Kidding!

I love this night! I had an adventure. Haha!
Ate barkada fries with Rhea inside their room (after dinner).
Then mom bought balut! 😁

I love you God! Thank you for everything! 😄 Kayo na po bahala kay チャ.

Funny story

Hey Blog!

Guess what? Pumunta ako sa office nya to surprise sana for a dinner just to alleviate the stress she has sa work.

Pero guess what? Otw there, I found out that she's not in the office and already went home early.

Then my excuse to office was I will be having dinner out with family friends. 😂 And will just take the call there. 😆

"HAHAHAHA!" 😂🤣

Yan nalang masasabi ko. Gusto ko umiyak pero natatawa nalang ako sa ginawa ko. 😂🤣😂 Perks of hitting the gym. 😆

I will go to the gym everyday! Kahit sumakit pa katawan araw araw. 😅😆

——-

I will leave her alone muna. Tama na tong mga kalokohan ko. 😆😂 Kung sya talaga, sya talaga, kahit ilang taon pa lumipas. 😉

Gaya nga sabi ng coach ko kanina, "maganda ka naman. Bat di ka nagsusuot ng fit? Ganda kaya katawan mo." And I was like, "w-what? Did I hear it correctly?" 😆 At nakipag-deal pa sakin si coach! Hahaha! Pag nagka-abs daw ako, una usapan 6 packs pero abs nalang daw, mag-tube daw ako at fitted shorts. Tapos papa-picture sa kanya. Ako naman, si gusto magka-6 packs, G na G! 😂 I don't like the idea of wearing revealing clothes but I like the fact that she'll have me attain abs! 😆 Everyday na ko mag core workout! 😂🤣

I already have the good looks. I just have to take care of this baby face. 😉😆 Then I need to attain a good body sculpt. Wahaha!

By the way, my PT will end on June. I'll get back to coach maybe Aug or Sep. Gusto ko pa lumakas ng lumakas! Preparing for the day I'll carry my wife. 🤣 Kidding! But it's partly true. 😁😆

——-

On the side note, I thought multiple times of enrolling ハニー to AF with a PT. Finance on me! 😉 Just like what I said previously, I love taking care of the one I love. But let's see if she's the one who will receive this "Partner Package" from me. Hahaha! 😂🤣 Kidding with the "partner package". I just love taking care of people. 😉

——-

Now I am going home. Angkas again. At gutom na gutom na ko. Hahaha! Pero mas importante yung 8:30pm meeting ko. I'll just pretend na nasa resto ako, taking the call. Wahaha!


——-

Still, thank you God! I love you more than ever.☺️

Quick story

Last night, I asked my queen if someone will get mad whenever I ask if she's already at home. You know.. If she's already seeing/liking/dating someone else. If there is, you know that I will halt everything in an instant. 🥴

I'm proud to say that I am still part of the 10% of the society that is still loyal, faithful, and does not steal someone else's girlfriend/boyfriend. 😎 I don't wanna be the villain to someone's happy story. 😝

——-

Now, the sky is blue. It's beautiful. The weekend rain that caused me depressive feelings, hopefully, will not come back anymore. 🥺

——-

Earlier, umatake na naman katamaran sa pag-gym. But, I didn't let it devoured me. 🤨 I still went to the gym. I overcome my depression right before it starts eating me. And it all worth it. Tired but I'm happy - because of the happy hormones! 

——-

One more thing, I keep on thinking yesterday about visiting ハニー right after her work. But, I hesitated. Maybe she'll get mad seeing me without any reason. And I also don't know what time her dismissal is.

Today, I was also thinking the same but same reasons for hesitation. Will take a risk? I can go out as early as 9pm. But I doubt that she's still at the office during this time. 😞

You are a big risk taker Rove! Is there anything else to lose? You've already done it twice! One, you went to her review center and waited for hours and it turned out she was not there. 😂 Another one, you went to their condo and waited at the front door for hours while looking like a beggar. The the security guard dragged you out. Shameful! 😅

In any case, she'll not be at her office later, then just eat at the McDonalds. 😁😜

Hahahaha!

——-

Well, love can wait. I can wait until tomorrow. ☺️

Love is patient. Love is kind.

May 29 Story

Good day/night!

Though I was sleepy earlier because I lack sleep, I still went to the gym.

(I didn't get proper sleep since Sunday. Keep waking up at 4am and wide awake until past 6am. 😣)

I love how endorphins produced in my body during the workout. My depressive feeling has lighten. I don't have to buy my meds again. 😜 I will hit the gym everyday starting today, to get rid the feeling of sadness and change it to happy ones! 😁

[ハニー should hit the gym 3-4 times a week too or exercise everyday since she's expose to stressful environments and situations - work and review/study. Seeing numbers for atleast 8 hours a day and 7 times a week will drive everyone insane. Well, as for me, yes. 😫]

——-

For the last 72 hours, I'm into quotes. Quotes that might alleviate my depressive feeling even a little bit. Then my mom told me this, "Mahuli man't magaling, may patutunguhan parin". She even explained it when I asked her though I already know it. 😆 Everything has its perfect timing. The path and luck of others will not be the same path or luck of yours. So I should not frustrate myself for not attaining what I want. It will only put me into depression again. 😔 I just have to trust God while I continually do what I am best at. 😄

[I think, and based on my observation for the past weeks, ハニー is undergoing some depression. She's just in denial. A person who has depression will experience the early stage, denial. If only she'll admit it and seek help, I will gladly help her. 😞 It's because, I know the feeling. I've been there. Just like my doctor has said, "All depressive patients that have cured can now help others who have the same sentiments. It's because, they have been through it, they know how it feels, and they now know how to cure it somehow." Depression is now classified as mental illness. And just like any other illness, it needs immediate help. And I hope, ハニー will recognize it. Then seek help. 😞]

——-

Aside from hitting the gyn to get stronger and fitter, I started reading novels again. I randomly picked up "One Season of Hope". The first pages already struck me, "Not all readers are leaders, but all leaders are readers." I am self-proclaimed good leader, but I stopped reading books. 😝

——-

I sent open love letter to ハニー early this morning, around 6AM. I sent it to her blog, email, and SMS. Every word in that text is true. I am loyal to her, my queen. She's my very first queen, by the way.

But, if, for some reason she'll meet another man, I will stop right away. I respect her. I respect that man. I respect the decision of ハニー because I know that what she choose to be her partner is the best for her, no doubt about it. Stealing someone's girlfriend is not part of me. 😝 I respect humanity. 

She just have to inform me right away so that I won't cause any fights out of jealousy. ('Cause I know the feeling of being jelous. 😅) 

As for me, I will still love her. I will still do my promise to her (as written in that open love letter), as long as she's not seeing/dating anyone else. 😉

——-

Thank you God for this adventurous yet interesting life. 😆 I love you! ☺️

#&$@#%! my eyes are swollen

Starting today, hmmmmmm.... secret! 😆

Improve physical look. Face + body!
Improve mind. Books!
Improve pocket. Stocks! And secret!!! 😁

I love you Rove.

-Rove

Achilles can wear shoes

Thanks for reminding me this again.

Just like what others have told me, "hindi naman reason ang pag review, take ng board, or take law sa pakikipag hiwalay." Relationship doesn't go like that. It's a partnership. Helping and supporting each other. Wouldn't it be more exciting when you share your success with your love one? Wouldn't the happiness doubles when you finally achieve what you want and you're sharing the joy with the one you love?

——-

Be yourself.
I naturally go, talk, and help the person I love. No boundaries for me when I'm chasing my happiness.

Do your own thing.
Work. Continuously looking for job. Hit the gym. Save for the future. Do stocks trading. Start a business. And get fucking rich!

Work hard.
Be a leader. Have a good looking body.

The right people, really belongs to my life, will come and stay.
If you really want to be with someone, no excuse is valid. I may not be the right person for her, but I will always be here whenever she needs a company.

——-

Okay Rove. Stop chasing her. You already made clear to her your intention, how much you love her. If she doesn't care a thing, well, it's her loss.

Go fucking do what you need to do! Get rich! Remember what you told me? When you become successful (fucking billionaire), love life will just be a piece of cake! All the beautiful women in the world will come running to you. I swear Rove. Turn all that sufferings, sadness, and rejections into your inspirations to push more. To strive more. She may be your Achilles' heel now but know that Achilles can wear shoes.

Now, you may unable to afford a house, a car, nor a masters degree. But who cares? One day, I swear in this vast Universe, you'll be fucking billionaire, even without a degree. What's that anyway? It's just a paper! C'mon. Degree is not an assurance that you'll be successful in the future. Degree cannot be sold for a million cold cash. Na-ah! The condos you keep on browsing and looking at because you cannot afford the downpayment, someday, you will not just be able to buy some, but you will own the fucking buildings! The house and lot that you keep on looking, someday, you will not just own one but you will own the entire town! I swear Rove. The companies that rejected you, someday, you will own stocks from them! You may be broke now and borrowing money, someday, people will come to you to borrow but you will just give it to them as gift! You may be living now with your parents because you can't afford to rent one, someday, you will buy them a mansion rest house in an exclusive land!

Transform all that sufferings, sadness and rejections into your inspirations.

I declare in this Universe that I'll be fucking billionaire! I still have 3 decades to work my ass off!

Tssss

Waking up every 4am, how's that? 😏

Then remembering Cha. 💔 Boom!

It feels really empty deep inside. My depression is beginning to kick-in again. 😢

I wanna be gone in an instant

Trying to sleep. Naaalala ko talaga sya. 🥺

Gusto ko na talaga pumunta sa malayong malayo...Yung walang nakakakilala sakin...

Gusto ko na talaga mangibang bansa... and maybe for good. Wala ng sense na tumira pa ko dito sa PH. I only wanted to live here because the one I love is here and would like to live here.

If she's gone in my life, no reason for me to stay here. Because everywhere I go, I can see her.

I love her. I hope that in the future, she'll remember the good things we had together. And see how true and pure my love for her is. And maybe, will appreciate all of my efforts and hardwork. 😅

Answer: Amnesia

So why do we forget certain events through a repressed memory? This is a simple answer: protection. Like other psychological disorders, repressed memory serves to protect us from the trauma and stress levels from the incident that we are experiencing. Many psychologists and clinicians also agree that a repressed memory protects us from other extreme emotions, such as anger, fear and negative beliefs. It is hypothesized that a repressed memory occurs because our brain is telling our bodies that we can't handle the reality of trauma.

Okay. I can start repressing all the 4 years memories I had with the woman I love. I want to forget all the memories, everything! BUT, as I've started doing it, my heart is feeling uneasy. It is feeling sad and my brain doesn't want to say why.

Amnesia nalang talaga. Kahit hindi ko na maalala family and close friends ko, okay lang. Kahit makalimutan ko kahit pangalan ko, ayos lang. Basta ma-wipe out lang lahat ng tao sa utak ko. If it's a complete loss, my brain doesn't have to keep secrets from my heart since it does not remember anything.

Suppress/repress all the memories

God, it hurts... 3 days, 3 nights...
When I'm alone, I'm having a breakdown...
When I face to people, I make sure that what they can only see is a smiling face.

4 years...
I prayed for her since 2010. That the next person I'm going to fall in love with is the person I'm gonna marry someday...
God, you know I've been praying for this for all these years... I told you that I'm gonna be faithful and loyal to her...
I even gave her a promise ring, which I thought about for many months...
If this is what you would like to happen - her leaving me behind, You shouldn't have introduced her to me.

When it all started? That her heart was going away...
When this all has started God? When? 😢

Please God... If this is what you want, remove all the memories, memories since May 23, 2015. I'm begging you God... 😭

It would hurt me more if there's someone she would like to date, right after she left me. Sabihin nya nalang sakin straight para mas madali mag move on. 😢 Well, mahirap parin since I was faithful and loyal to her. Pero atleast I know the real reason.

In the end, I still desire her happiness. I'll do my best to take all these sadness and sufferings. For her, I'll do it.

——-

I'll just cry and pour it out every night... cry to sleep, until my memories are suppressed and repressed and my tear ducts don't shed a single tear.

My ハニー’s safety, I pray

God, please... burahin nyo na po memories ni Cha sa utak ko...

Nagwoworry lang ako... since nag motor sya pauwi sa kanila... gusto ko lang malaman kung nakauwi naba sya ng matiwasay... wag nyo naman po pagkait sakin yung confirmation na ganun...

Kayo na po bahala sa kanya.. please take care of her.. In God's name, she'll safely go home without any scratch. Keep all the evil minds and spirits away from her. Holy Spirit, please protect her. Cover her.

I love her so much. Her safety is what I want now... 🥺

I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep knowing na hindi pa sya nakakauwi... and no response pa till now...

——-

Guys, secret lang tong unrequited love. Just let me be...Malay mo, isang araw, mabagok nalang ulo ko at makalimutan ko lahat. Everything will be okay.. ☺️

きみわハニー

I didn't know what I was thinking but I went to her office to see her. Maybe I just want to see her even a glimpse and hear her voice. She's still pretty. ☺️

きみわきれいハニー。

I like to take care of her as long as I am still capable. This is the time of her life she needs support - she's going back to review, will take board, and will take law studies... Her body is not that strong to handle all those stress. Most of the times, she ignores using an umbrella (sun/rain), taking vitamins, eating at the right time, keep on drinking coffee/milktea though she's already palpitating, using hanky or mask in a polluted area, etc. She has a weak body, always getting sick. And as long she's in my heart and mind, she'll be my concern. It's because I love her.

I will not push myself to her. I respect her decision. I value her plans and dreams in life. Her happiness is my priority. I just want her feel that I will always be here for her - I'm still her bestfriend. 😉

——-

God, if you want me to stop. You can do two things: 1) Take out the love you've been filling my heart. So that I won't be capable of loving anymore; or 2) Get me into an accident that will cause me amnesia - forget everything that have happened in the last 9-10 years.

——-

I cried inside the car driving home. Good thing, the windshield is tinted. 😅

How could you...😤

And now you're telling me this?! 😤😤😤

Background: This IG account shows inspirational quotes about getting rich. About you can date a boss if you are boss, that it's better to drive lambo, etc.

I just let go my happiness. Then now? In your IG Story?! For real?! 😠

So how am I supposed to bring her back, my happiness, uh? Tell me!!! 😤😤😤

I've been lonely and sad for days because I thought letting her go would make her happy and would make me happy. But what?! I'm suffering. That I want to grab my heart and mind out of my body and throw it into the ocean. 😤😳

——-

I love my ハニー. I just do... 😭🤧 She's my happiness. She's my inspiration to dream all these stuff and wanting to achieve all these - getting rich, having a house, traveling, etc.

Now, I am just a robot without a purpose...

——-

I think I'll take a day off today. I'm not feeling well since early morning. My nose is stuffed. And my headache keeps coming back every time I finished crying. 😆 Plus, my eyes are swollen again. 😒 Can't let them see it. 😝

Wat da heck! My IG feeds became like this! 😱

I get it! I love her! I want to win her back. But I can’t... 😞 She’ll just push me away again... She’ll just become angry to me for showing up in her workplace... Instead of her chatting to me casually in messenger, she might block me after and will not talk to me at all, anymore... 🥺 I know her. Big chance she’ll do these... 

My priority is her happiness, with or without me. 

I love you my ハニー.

きみわきれいハニー

I'm so happy that I met you my ハニー. I didn't regret any single day that we've been together for the last 4 years. We had fights and misunderstandings. But at the end of the day, we're each other's support and bestfriend. We had our adventures together. You taught me how to be patient, how to be confident, and how to be honest with myself. You taught me things that I've never learned when I was alone.

I'm so thankful God given you to me even for a brief moment. The second chance He gave me to meet you again after 16 years. My happiness is unable to be contained to. You don't know how thankful I am. I first saw you as a small crying innocent kid. After 16 years, I saw a woman that has grown beautifully.

I love you so much my ハニー. I only desire for your happiness. I am really happy for you. I may already be out of your life, but please know that you still have a friend you can rely on, me. ☺️ 愛してハニー.

Born alone, die alone

Dang! Brain Donor Project is only available in the US. 😞 Are there other ways I can disappear from this earth? Sign myself for space exploration experiments?

How about, I'll resign and I'll just go somewhere far? Places I have not been before. I'll be gone for few months, few years, then never come back. 

I was born alone and I will die alone.

I'll do anything! Just to get rid of these memories that's piercing my heart and mind each day.

Am I a hamster or love bird in my past life? These creatures kill themselves when their partners gone. I even tried once putting another hamster of an opposite sex to the cage. But the lonely hamster didn't care about the new one. This lonely fella can love again. But no, it acted like the other one did not exist. They have this sense of, "they only meet one partner in their lifetime." When these partners gone, they succumb to never ending sadness that eventually killed them.

——

I'll be just gone. Any form, any method. I just want to disappear. 

......

"Sometimes it feel like there is so many things in this world we can't control, but its important to remember the things that we can control like forgiveness, second chances, fresh starts, because the one thing that can turn the world from a lonely place to a beautiful place is LOVE; Love in any of its forms because Love gives us Hope; Hope for a better tomorrow..."

This is a nice passage. We can forgive, do second chance, and start fresh start. But Cha does not see that... 😞

Now, I am still remembering my fur babies' mamy. 😞

What should I do with this love? This feeling? These memories? Did I choose the wrong woman? The wrong partner? No, I didn't. It just, she didn't choose me through out. Like in Pokemon, when you choose a Pokemon partner and try to catch it but that Pokemon does not feel the same as you do, the Pokeball will explode and the Pokemon will just hurt you once it has escaped.

To keep it simple: You cannot force anyone to love you or stay with you. 

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs."

——

Gusto ko nalang talaga bigla mawala. Gone without a trace. Or go to sleep and never wakes up. I really felt alone now. I only have one partner and one bestfriend. They are the same person but she's gone now. She chose to leave me. 

The feeling of walking down the path. It used to be the two of you, talking, laughing, sharing laughter and sadness, helping each other as you go along, etc. But suddenly, the other one disappeared. Your partner gone. Now, I am walking alone, laying down my thoughts through this blog as there's no one to talk to, like it used to.

——

God, please get me away from here. Place me to some unknown place, very far from here. 😢

What if, I'll sign-up for brain and heart donation? One way to get rid of her memories from me. Let me check...

She didn’t see that 😞

Arrived home. Don't know if I'll make it to the 2nd interview. 😀

Drove home, listened to Spotify, tears came off again.

"I don't care. The bad things disappear as long as I'm with my baby."

Wat da heck!!! 🤬 This is why I don't wanna use Spotify for now. I'm giving it to Cha. Hope she'll use it para di sayang. 😞

——-

I realized something. Maybe, that's why Cha decided to break up with me is because I couldn't get a place for us. She needs her own space, I fully knew it. But I don't have the capacity to rent 12k/month plus electricity and water as of the moment. 😫 If we don't have planned travels and no excessive use of credit card, I will be able to get one. However, I don't wanna let her stay here now because she'll not be able to concentrate in studying. Her parents don't want to rent out the one room in their condo either, just because they don't like me. 😤 I-WILL-PAY. NOT-A-FREE-LOADER. I-HAVE-WORK-FYI.

Also, I invested half of the loan I got from SSS to stocks and UITF. I am investing for our future. But I guess, she didn't see that. 😓

Moreover, I sold my Pag Ibig account, instead of using it to buy our own house & lot, to help my parents pay their debt in exchange of 200k cash. My plan is to use this cash for our show money for AU (and possible TW) - 100k each. But I guess she didn't see that too. 😓

I was also applying actively, sending my CVs to former colleagues for better chance of acceptance, so that I can get a higher pay. Then be able to rent a place for us. But that one, she also didn't see that. 😓

I know that her transpo expense from here costs her 8k/month. I already computed it long time ago. I just didn't have the courage to tell her, "I'll give you transpo allowance everyday". Big chance, she'll reject it. And there are days even I, don't have money. It is shameful if I told this to her but unable to give any. 😞 And it's only a joke when I tell her she'll give me allowance when I don't have money anymore. I have money kept in cabinet. Also, I have money kept in my mom. Seems like, she didn't see that also.

What can I do... I'm really not good at talking. My words got mixed up and sometimes, are not actually what I really mean. 😞 I can only put everything into actions. Maybe, she didn't see all that. 😢

——-

God, have you seen all my sufferings and sacrifices? I hope You do appreciate all my hardwork until now. 😕 Wala ng ibang nilalang na makaka-appreciate sa existence ko, kundi Kayo nalang. 😢 Meron siguro, aswang. So that they can eat me. 😅

——-

2nd night I've been crying. I might cry again later. And wake up in the middle of the night then shed another tears. It's now becoming normal every time I remember any memory I have with her. 4 years?! It's a lot for me! 😫 If only I have a magic eraser, I will just erase this 4 years with her from my mind so that I don't have to cry anymore. 🥺

Breakdown

😕 I cried again inside the bathroom. Bakit ko ba kasi sya tinanong ng mga ganun.. Ako tuloy ang nasasaktan. 😩 I'm making my own pit.

Baka ganito talaga ginagawa ng mga taong mag boboard or mag lalaw? Ayaw na ng commitment at makikipag break nalang. 😞 Kung alam lang sana nila na hindi naman magiging demanding mga partners nila kung magiging super busy sila.. Ito nga yung mga panahon na mas need nila yung partners nila, para masupport sila. Maaalagaan sila kasi for sure, mapapabayaan na ng mga takers or students na to yung health nila. 😞

On the other side, baka napagtanto ni Cha na mas prefer nya pala ang real man. And she would like to have a "normal" family in the future - have kids and grand kids. *sigh*

History repeats itself. 😩

My first relationship that was lasted for only 6 mos broke up with me. Reason? She said she wanted to have a real man as husband. To have kids and have a normal family.

This second one that I thought would be my future wife (I prayed for this since 2010 for real! 😰) and lasted for 4 years together may have the same reason.

Tagapag-parealize ba ko ng mga ladies na mas maganda magkajowa sila ng real man? 😤
God, di ko naman po hinihiling na maging ganito purpose ko sa earth. 😥 Pede na ko barilin sa Luneta nito. 😣

Gusto ko nalang talaga magka-amnesia para hindi ako bigla bigla ng bbreakdown in tears. 🥺

——

Waiting for the car I rented. Will be going to interview in less then 2 hours.

Pls lang, wag ka bigla bigla lumuha or umiyak on your way to interview, Rove. Gawin mo yan after the interview. Okay???

Another unrequited love episode of my life?

Looks like lovelife is my Achilles' heel. A torpe like is very difficult to find a forever partner. Though I am torpe, I know that I am a faithful and loyal person. I don't steal someone else's partner. I respect people as much as I respect myself.

Cha is one of my soulmates. Big chance, we'll not end up together. Only 10% of soulmates end up together. Kidding! I don't know! It's just my wild guess about the statistics. 😅

I had one PMR and I had a hard time concentrating to everything they were saying. I couldn't focus. I didn't get all they said. It's like my mind has stopped processing everything and it wondered. Then it shutdown. Well, except for the fact that Taylor’s Me song keep on playing on my head since last night. 😆

I didn't get enough sleep last night and kept on waking up in the middle of the night. My insomnia is beginning to strike again. I lost appetite since last night but I pushed myself hard this afternoon to eat brunch. It feels like I'm losing weight but I should not! All my hardwork so far about gaining muscles will be wasted. 😭 I'm doing my best to feed my body right though inside of me is already dead. It's like I'm only moving because I was programmed like this. The life inside me has died and ascended to heaven.

Even though all these are happening, I cannot show any sign of weaknesses - even to my Cha. Maybe I can just secretly love her and accept that this is another unrequited love. Well, I'm good at this - hiding this unrequited love. Haha... 😜

I don't want her to lose focus in anything she's currently doing and wanting to do in her life. I will just stay put, watch afar (how??), and pray for her. Please be with her always God. Thank you. I love you God. ☺️

Give the best shot

Cha is now talking to me like we're strangers. Like we are just acquaintance. What can I do.. nagmahal ang isang torpe gaya ko eh... 😞

Ayaw ko na magbukas ng FB. 😒 Nakabasa na naman ako ng post ng dati kong teammate. Repost about KB's greetings to DP for their 7th Anniversary.

Oo na! Ako na hindi umabot sa 4th, 7th pa kaya? Tsss. 😒

I just read my former colleague status about "love is not just an emotion but a choice". I am 101% agree on it. If it's just an emotion, matagal na ko nakipaghiwalay kay Cha. Pero I chose her. Pero she didn't choose me. 😢 Yun lang, boom! 😐

Right now, I am doing the very best I can not to cry or let even a slight tear come out of my eyes. Hindi pede magmukhang nagmumugto mata ko sa interview maya. 😑😰 I need to get this job. I'm not 100% confident though sa technical interview. 😓 Dito ko lagi bumabagsak. *sigh* Bahala na! Kung talaga para sakin to, magkakamiracle. 😆 And I'll be thankful. Kung hindi naman, okay lang din. Thank you parin. Iniwan nga kong broke ng love of my life, ito pa kaya. May ilalala paba? 😅 Atleast naexperience ko makapasok sa office nila. 😂 ALWAYS LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE ROVE. 😁

Bring it on!!! Isabog nyo na God lahat ng pedeng isabog nyo sakin na predicaments. Tingnan natin hanggang saan ako tatagal. Don’t be soft to me. Give them all at once! I can still take it. 😉

Maya nalang ulit ako iiyak paguwi bahay. 😅 Baka nakapagipon na naman ng tubig yung tear ducts ko. 😂

Appreciation to little things

There are times that we focus so much into something that we forget the little things around us.

Cha might not love me anymore. Yeah, I just realized that I have a tough love. And maybe, she's not up to it. I completely understand it.

Going back, what I mean is, my fur babies. I focused too much on how their mom left me that I forget my fur babies have never leave me yet. Api, especially, is a sensitive kind of dog breed. He's not getting any younger anymore. Gretch is on EL today. She's at the hospital and his old dog is finally getting a surgery. Their estimate, she'll spend atleast 15k for the surgery alone. Tim lost one of his fur babies this year, and it's very young. Though it cost him thousands of pesos, they still did the very best they can to save him. The point is, we never know when God will take them away from us. Pets have a very short lifespan compared to humans. Why? Their purpose is to teach us humans how to live. It goes the same with Tiger and Roshi.

That's why I decided to make the yellow piggy bank to be their emergency fund. I will put aside money (aside for their food) each month for their vaccines, vitamins, and check-ups. I already lost two cats and I cried for 3-5 days straight. It was very difficult because even though you are busy working, from the time you entered the toilet cubicle, you started crying.

People come, people go. Some people choose to stay, some people choose to leave. And we don't have control over it. Because what we only desire is their happiness.

I'll work hard for our fur babies. I'll give them what they deserve - my time, my attention, and my love.

——-

It's time to focus on trading. You'll never know, it might be my time to shine! Hahaha! I got no luck in finding MBA School - they all rejected me. Got no luck in finding another job - they all rejected me. There are still lots of options, and this is one of them.

God, help me try all the opportunities this life has to offer. I don't want to sulk in the corner and wait for my final day to come. It is difficult but we got to move forward - with or without the support from the people around me. 😉

Communications

These are what I would like to remove from my system completely - sarcasm and to manipulate. Sarcasm, I learned this in Highschool. Well, I seldom do it now for the last 5 years. To manipulate, I am guilty of this. 😞

If I want to be a good leader, I should dispose them 99% from my body. I will only employ sarcasm and manipulation if I’m at a business war with some competition for a client. 🤨

In personal life, 100% a no no! 👎🏼

Be glad of others’s happiness

Yes, this is what I live out until now. I don’t want to be someone’s show stopper that’s why I support them 100% with what makes them happy. I let them go if I am the hindrance. What is sacrificing a little, right? 😁

Damn memories!

I'm supposed to get a quote but I saw the pics down below. And now, it left me crying. 😢😭😭😭

Driving me crazy

Yaw ko na lumuha or umiyak. 😭
Sakit na ng mga mata ko at ng ulo ko. 🥺
Last night, cried to sleep.
Pag kagising, lumuluha ulit. 😭
Gusto ko nalang patanggal tong tear glands ko. 😫

I'm so damn weak!
Rove, what the hell? You look like a cry baby!
Stop it now!
No one wants to be with someone who is a cry baby.
So stop it!

You've done your best. You have no regrets. You just loved someone faithfully, honestly, and with all loyalty. It's their loss if they can't see it, not yours. So chin up, Rove!

Ayaw ko na ng lovelife!!!
O ano pang magpapaiyak sakin!!!
Thick walls, come back asap!
Build the walls around my heart right away!
Finish it off!

Aladdin, please let me borrow Genie.
I wish I forget all the memories I have with Cha and all the past lovelife I had - even crushes! I don't want lovelife anymore! I took a big risk when I demolished my heart's walls last 2015. No regrets but yeah, I don't want to put down my walls ever again~!!! 😖

It's because, you are a risk taker Rove!
You will risk everything for the one you love and want.

Waaaaaaah!!!! My heart and my mind are gonna explode!!!!! Sana madulas ako somewhere at mabagok nalang, para tapos na!

Night dreams vs Reality

The whole night, I was dreaming of her. In my dreams, I was trying to make her stay and talk to me. I hugged her. I was trying to know if she still loves me. But I didn't get the answer.

In reality, I let her go because I love her so much. Keeping all inside me. I only want is her happiness. I don't want her to think that I'm stopping her in all the things she wanna do in her life.

Maybe the dreams are my subconscious mind.

In both worlds, we're apart. In both worlds, I let her go in the end. In both worlds, she left me.

Damn brain! 😡

A flash of "shooting myself in the head" can solve everything.
I don't want to do it. But if my mind keeps on showing me memories, I might to just to stop it from making me cry.

Memories in this dead hour

Waking up in this dead hour...
Then remembers her... sucks!
It's very cold.

Hope that my insomnia nor depression won't kick-in or come back again. 😞😆 Or else, I have to go through another crisis again. 😅

——-

Knowing that your mother is very supportive of what you really wanna do. Told her I want to go abroad asap. Staying here in the PH will be very difficult for me. Wherever I go, things will just keep me reminding of the good memories Cha and I had together. The 4 years being together... Argh!!! I wanna disappear from this world in an instant.

I need to search for self-help books and articles, "how to move on from a long term relationship?" 😅
How other people managed to do this? Please teach me. 😭

Pasok nalang kaya ako ng kumbento? 😂 Kung yung iba ay nagiging pari after they were left by their loved one, ako kung ano nalang pede. Haha... I will just dedicate the rest of this short life learning about Him and serving Him.

Love this cold night

God, can I not fall in love again for the next 5-7 years? Hapdi na kasi ng mga mata ko. 😓 Good thing I am WFH tomorrow. I even requested for interview re-schedule because I won't look good with these eyes. 🤧 Embarrassing thing, my family might ask why my eyes are swollen. 😆 I can't think of an acceptable excuse. 😂 How about, because I watched Aladdin and watched movies in Netflix last night? 😅😂 They are very touching and sort of. 😂

Now, I feel like I wanna run away in an instant. Leave everything behind and just go to a very very far away place where no one knows me and no one can contact me. I wanna be alone for the next 5-7 years. Just watching the sunrise and sunset. Then do stargazing at night and just think about life. And not fucking care about getting rich or having my own family. Just appreciating life. Then watch myself get aged and die alone contented with my fur babies. ☺️ If I have the magic carpet, I might have already done this. 😆

Memories of the Uhugin Kid 😆

You know what sucks? It's painful not because the one you love did wrong to you or you did wrong to her that's why you broke up, but the fact that you have to let her go because you don't wanna be a hindrance to her dreams and happiness.

This is the kind of sadness I feel. All the good memories give me all this crying. It's like letting go my most loved fur baby, Raffles, knowing she'll never come back anymore and what's left are only the good memories we had.

Whenever I remember Raffles, I feel sad. Now, whenever I remember Cha, I am crying. It's like letting go the most valuable treasure you have. But yes, I am happy. Happy for her that she will finally do the things she would like to do. I support her 101% and I would like her to see and feel that I am happy for her and I support her.

I wanna see her become successful and be able achieve her goals in the future.

Since the day I met her, I'm already proud of her. Until now, I am proud of her. How much more when she started fulfilling her goals in the future? I'll be the proudest. ☺️

Even when she was 3 years old, I was already amazed. After she cried for atleast 30mins because her dad left her, she mustered herself and showed how brave she is. She stopped crying then just watched cartoons and laughed though little tears fell from her eyes. She just laughed and laughed while showing her full-of-tartar teeth like an innocent kid. 😆

Memories... good memories...

Thank you God. In this very short lifetime, our paths have crossed once again. Maybe it's just a closure of the friendship we had when she was 3 years old and I was 8 years old. Because all I can remember, one day, she was gone without any farewell. I asked for her but Ate Aning ang Kuya Benji just told me that her parents took her. No Thank You nor Bbye. She's just gone.

Maybe, 2015 was a chance given by God to reconnect with her and to have proper closure. We had ups and downs. We had our adventures until 2019. Maybe we're each other's one of our soulmates. And as I've heard, only 10% is the chance that you'll end up with your soulmate. Haha... okay, got it. 😆

God, please take good care of Cha, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In Jesus name, amen!

What is bestfriend?

I am just fooling myself to the belief that after the break-up, we can still be bestfriends. Our relationship didn't start from bestfriends. Our closeness and bestfriends just blossomed as time goes by when we were dating. And maybe because of the bond or connection we had when we were kids. For her, she doesn't remember anything. As for me, I can remember them - her face, her height, her hair, the way she cries when her mom/dad leaves her, when we were watching Anime/cartoons in the afternoon - I remember everything. And it's hurting me, to the fact that I remember everything - our first meet, first date, when we went out of town then out of the country, etc.

My heart is hurting me but my mind hurts me more. If only I have the power to erase the memories I choose to, it will be easy for me to forget and move on.

Twice, she cheated on me. I still accepted her because I love her and I believe to the goodness of the people, that they can change - just like my mom used to tell me. Other people called me stupid, who cares?

I think it would be easy for her to move on. One, she was the one who broke up with me. Two, she still have bestfriends like Joe and Avi. ☺️ And I pray that they will not leave Cha no matter what.

As for me, I have friends. But I don't really have a bestfriend aside from her. Funny. 😆 Anyway, I used to be alone when I was a kid so it's not new. 😁

Most of the times, the things that hurt us more are the memories we have. If bumping one head is surely a way to forget, I have already done it. 😆

——-

She decided. I accepted it. In order for her to be happy, I have let her go. I love her and I want the best for her. I just have to acknowledge this sadness, accept everything, and move on. It's not easy and it will take more time for me, but it's okay.

——-

God, I am no longer praying for a human bestfriend. I might get hurt again in the future. 😕 What is bestfriend anyway?

Praying for my future wife? Still I am. It might take me 10 years but it's okay. I can adopt more pets if I want to. Their love is unconditional. That is why I love them. 🥰 Anyway, I don’t wanna think much about the future anymore. It sometimes drives me crazy and it can be source of disappointments. I don’t wanna expect anymore. #YOLO.

——-

Rove,
Just cry everything out. Pour it out until no tears left. You cannot force anyone to love you and be loyal and faithful to you. Always remember that loving someone means letting them go and only wish them the best. 😉

Embrace the emotions

Arrived home, no electricity. Took a quick bath since naulanan ako. Cried inside the bathroom. Now I'm here lying in my bed, crying. I will just let these tears come out until no tear left.

This pain and sadness you feel when the person you love decided to leave you. Sometimes, you do things you normally not do just to forget this pain. In less than a month before your 4th anniversary. Just like what people say, "expect the unexpected." I know that she needs this. She needed to leave in order to concentrate on herself. I love her that's why I gave her the freedom she desires. And I respect that and I am proud of her for choosing self-growth. I am excited to see her grow and be the woman she wanted to be.

For now, I just have to embrace these sadness and pain so that it would be easy for me to move on. Also, I am the eldest. The eldest should not show any sign of weaknesses, no matter what. I should always show to my siblings that I am strong and happy so that they can look up to me. Just like Thanos. He sacrificed his one and only love of his life, his daughter, for the greater good he believe.

God, I trust you. I lift up to You my broken heart. I know this experience will make me stronger and wiser. I don't know what's really ahead of us. Let Your will Thy be done. I love you God for being always there for me and for my love ones.

I will not go out of this room for tonight. And will just fall asleep crying. 😆😂 The sky seems crying too for me. 😆

Movie marathon alone

I watched Pokemon Detective Pikachu and Aladdin alone. 😁 I really do crazy stuffs when I am lonely. 😆 I love the movies. I enjoyed them very much. I would like to watch Aladdin over again. I wasn't able to get the quotes. 😆 For few hours, I was able to forget the pain and sadness.

I finished the last movie and it was already raining hard. It was difficult to book Grab but after 30mins, I was able to get one - though expensive.

I just need to get home now. My tears are about to burst. And I need a close room to have them shed out. I am really so broken hearted. When the love of your life decided to break up with you. In an optimistic view, I used to being told by two friends, "you dont deserve it, you deserve better", "self-respect nalang Rove", "kung ayaw nya sayo, let it go. Dont degrade yourself", etc. But I did crazy stuffs for love. I didn't take heed what others were saying. All the flaws of my ex, I accepted them. And I love her for who she is. Now, I am crying inside my Grab. 😒 Thank you kuya driver and your music is loud enough not to hear my sobs. 😆

I texted my mom, "gusto ko na talaga mag-abroad." Another reason would be to get successful and rich. But the primary reason, going abroad will make me uber busy and help me move on and heal this pain.

You know I'm not good in courting nor moving on fast. I'm no expert when it comes to love. I can excel at everything but not in love life, it's my weakness. When I love, I am loyal, faithful, totally honest, and very passionate about it. I treat my partner like a queen that I should put aside my pride as much as possible.

Brb.

Tiny but beautiful home 🥰

Just finished watching Rim of the World and Tiny House Nation.

Rim of the World. Nice for kids and for young at heart. 😆 There are quotes that are worth noting of.

Tiny House Nation. Very inspirational. 😍
When I get married or before I get married, I would also want to live in a tiny house. Small, simple, but spacious. The couple will learn what to have and not to have inside the tiny house. Open communication is a must too especially when both of you have contradicting past time or hobby. 😆

Very inspirational indeed. It fires me up to work hard and invest more to earn big bucks. Then buy a lot and build my own tiny house. 😁

In my previous blog, I am excited to meet my future beautiful queen/partner/wife. Now, I am excited to have my own home. ☺️

"You can't choose your family. But you can always create a new one."

———-

Now, I need to stop loving Cha as my romantic partner. I need to move on asap. I don't want to waste my time and energy sulking at the corner thinking my heart aches. I don't wanna feel anymore the pain of losing the one you love. I got to muster everything and be brave enough not to show any weaknesses. If I need to get busy - watch movies, play games, travel, hang out with family or friends, or even meet new people - just to forget everything, I will do it.

There's got to be someone out there who deserves my love, my hard work, my respect, my loyalty, and my commitment - someone who is consistent. 101%, I will provide all of her needs and wants, help her achieve her dreams and goals, and make love with her every night. I will treat her as my beautiful queen and my loyalty and respect are only to her.

See you soon my queen. ☺️

To my future partner 🥰

"Love, loyalty, respect, commitment, and consistency."
-Unknown

These are what I am really looking for a partner and future wife. ☺️

Don't be sad Rove. Let's get moving! 😁
You have one of the best lessons learned so far. Keep it. 😉

——-

To my future partner and wife,

Maybe we don't know each other yet. But I know, somewhere out there, you are there wondering also about me. We might be looking at the same sky at day and stars at night in different timezone.

I am so excited to meet you. Would be nice if our friendship will start sooner. Let's be bestfriends for more years then I will confess my love for you. ☺️

For now, just chill and relax. Do the things that you need to do. Achieve your dreams and goals. I will do the same. Also, I just need to completely move on from my last relationship. If you are the same, stay strong! I'll be strong for you. ☺️

In God's perfect time, we'll meet each other. I will continually travel and explore the world while keeping my tabs on-track, so that maybe, just maybe, I'll get to meet you in one of my adventures. ☺️

Though I don't have any idea what you look like, what your personality is, I know you are perfect for me and we're perfect for each other as God's plan and gift are perfect! Without a doubt, I trust God, and hopefully, you are too. 😊

I pray that you are living a happy life with a very healthy body. Whatever predicaments you might be experiencing right now, I know you can overcome it with prayers. Stay healthy, stay positive, and smile always. See you soon, my future love.

Truly yours,
Your future partner

Ending the End’s 1st Day

"Behind every successful man is a supporting and loving woman."

I believe I'll have this in the future. 😉

Less than a month before the 4th year Anniversary, ハニー broken up with me. Though I know she's just fond of saying "break na tayo" whenever she doesn't feel good and I should just ignore it, it's not a nice habit. It's not a good habit that whenever you have fights, you will just say and decide, "break na tayo" or "ayaw ko na sayo". Sometimes, the person who is receiving the same lines frequently will not believe anymore to whatever his/her partner is saying. And the person will soon be confuse whether the partner is saying the truth or not.

Now, I should just believe that our relationship has changed to just friends. From bestfriend + romantic partner to bestfriend. 🥺

I will just focus on improving myself (just like what the girl has said in RX) so that I can attract positive people and things. ☺️ We'll never know, with these good looks, healthy body, loving personality, and healthy financials, sooner or later, I'll get to meet "my future wife". 😁 I'll just have to travel continuously. Haha!

Anyway, I have my Riri whenever I will feel sad or stressed. 🥰 She's my only happy pill right now. She'll help me move on and overcome this pain/sadness. ☺️

——-

Just like what I said, I cannot be easy to get. I am not a yoyo. I have self-respect. This one thing that I should value if I really want to be respected by others. I cannot be easily swayed. I love her but I cannot let her do things that disgrace my self-worth. Break up with me whenever she wants to, get back with me whenever she wants to - a no no! I'm not a second option nor a substitute. 😒

God, please always remind me that loving a person is not enough. Actions should be prioritize. I love you God for everything. ☺️ I am able to love because of your unending love to me. Thank you for keeping me alive and kicking. Thank you for keeping my family and friends in good shape. In Jesus name, Amen!

Bestfriends for 7 years or more is a forever friendship

I met with my College close friends at Aura. We ate dinner at the foodcourt. Though it is a foodcourt, the prices are steep. We video called Ghie. 😁 It was a nice time to catch up with friends of 12 years.

Tal will be going to US for 5 years. Yey! 😉
Ghie is targeting to come back to PH this year. Yey! 😊
Pudhang will get married next year January. Congrats! 😁
Anatots will be joining DXC on July. Wooh! 😆

Me? I told my parents I want to work abroad or study then work, whichever comes first.
Staying in the Philippines will not make me rich. I need to go. My target countries are AU, JP, or last resort, US. I need to work my ass off in order to achieve my dreams. 😂

For now, carry on with my work and lifestyle. Apply for work and attend interviews - never give up! What can I lose anyway? I've already lost many things in the past. This is nothing. Rejected for MBA three times, rejected for a job XXXX times! 🤨, negative investments (UITF, stocks, MF) amounting upto 50k, and fraud victim twice amounting upto 30k when I was a fresh grad. What can I lose more? 😜 I treat them all as lessons learned, not regrets. I don't wanna live a life with any regret.

God continually guide me and heal my wounds, if there's any.

——-

This breakup is another lesson learned to me. I've learned a lot from this last relationship. There are things I don't want to do anymore and there are things I need to improve for my future partner.

To lessen the wound, bitterness, or negative after effect, I just need to go back where my heart used to be a Stonehenge. And have it surrounded by very thick walls. Concentration is needed to attain this. 🧐 Please help me God. 🙏 Also, make myself busy even during weekends. 😜 And maybe going abroad for good is another great idea!

This is it!

Alright! ハニー, I mean Cha, has finally decided to call it quits between us.

Being brokenhearted will soon fade away. 3-4 years of relationship is nothing compared to the 11 year relationship Gretch had with her ex. I can do this! I just need to be busy.

And I should stick to my word. Once Cha broken up with me again, I will not come back to her easily again whenever she likes to. This is called self-respect. I deserve a partner and a relationship that is true, open, and with respect. I deserve a partner who will appreciate my love and hardwork.

God, heal this broken heart of mine. This will pass. I just need to concentrate on getting rich. So that lovelife, in the future, will be just a piece of cake. 😜😆

When you are a millionaire or a billionaire, all the beautiful people in the world will kill themselves just to get close to you. 😄

———

God, I love you. Fill my heart with your overflowing love. Your love is perfect and with no frail. Thank you for everything. ☺️

Building oneself

Haha! Why am I feeling this way... this is what I feel about her treatment since last night.

Maybe I was in need of hugs? 😆 If ハニー is unable to provide the sweetness I am craving for these days, then I'll get it from someone else. ☺️ I have my Riri. I'll just pour all the unrequited love to her and for sure, she'll return it with a smile and laughter. ☺️

Now, I need to concentrate in building my physical appearance and so my financials. So that in the future, it won't be difficult for me to get the things I need or want - may it be lovelife or a new house. 😜

—-

In time, God will show all my rewards. The things I sow will reap soon. ☺️🙏

Thank you God and I love you. Thank you for reminding me that I should not look for human love as they frail and not perfect, unlike yours.

Sent from my iPhone

Prayer for dealing with people

God, please give me more patience in dealing with people. As much as I don't want to deal with their shits, I couldn't avoid it as they are in my face.

Also, please give me patience in dealing with ハニー's kid-like tantrum. 😒

She tries her best not to tell it to me but she let me feel it. 😒 What's the difference? I much appreciate it if she's just being honest with me because she treats me like her partner. But if she keep on not telling me anything, sooner or later, we will grow apart no matter how much effort I will put into showing my care to her.

—-

God, my only prayer about lovelife is to have a loyal and faithful partner - a real partner. Not a couple who's only one is working.

Open letter to ハニー

ハニー,

If you want to leave, you are free to go. I will not stop you. We can still be friends anyway. 😁 If you choose to break up with me, know that this is not the 1st, 2nd, nor 3rd time that you did it to me. When you decide to break up again, please know that no more turning back. I will not accept you as my romantic partner and future wife anymore. I'm not a yoyo that you can just toss around and bring back whenever you like. ☺️

If you love another man, go. I deserve a loyal and faithful partner in life. I deserve a person who will stick with me through thick and thin.

I deserve better and you know that you deserve better too. Put your happiness first above anything else. 😉

I love you but I love myself more. And it's time to put my brain on top and put myself first.

So, love yourself first. Then think carefully. Everything will be touch move starting from now.

Love,
R

Future in one picture

The times where as much as I would like the people around me to do things on their own, there is still part of me telling that I should take part as I am more capable.

For example:
Rhea and I should be half-half when buying gifts to our mother. And she knows it fully. But I can hear my conscience that tells me "Mas malaki sweldo mo. Wala pa work kapatid mo. Kaya ikaw na sumagot ng 75%."

And this goes the same with my ハニー. As much as I would like to teach ハニー to budget her money wisely, I can still hear my voice and my mother's voice, "Ikaw na sumagot ng needs nya at kahit allowance nya. Mas malaki sweldo mo."

ハニー might be thinking, "Hindi na makakaalis to sa bahay nila." She might be correct or wrong. But I will do someday. As much as I want to get my own condo unit or apartment now, I couldn't as my only constraint is financial.

How can I fund everything with my current status? Our travels, our needs and wants, our babies' needs, and my daily allowance. I can pay for a 12k rent plus 5k water and electric bill IF there are no travels. Every travel, I spend atleast 15-17k for a domestic trip and atleast 25-30k for an international trip just for the both of us. I am not complaining about this as I love to travel. But my current paycheck doesn't permit me to do both - renting my own flat and traveling. If I will do both, no chance of saving - which I even barely do now.

If ハニー, one day, decided to leave. I will just let her go. I don't have my own house nor business yet. No one likes to live with a person who's with his/her family too. And I fully understand her. But since I am not capable yet financially, I got to endure living with my family a little longer. They are not treating me bad anyway; but to avoid conflicts, I need to live on my own.

I have investments but most of them are loss as of the moment. And they are all for long term. I don't have other source of income that can support me and my ハニー in a daily basis. I rely solely from my monthly paycheck.

——-

God, am I lazy enough to start my own business?
What hinders me to do it? Money? It's always my excuse which I can't accept anymore.

——-

When I imagine myself renting an apartment and going to office every weekday as an employee for the next 10 years, it's driving me crazy! I hate to see myself like that for the next 5, 10, nor 15 years! I really can't imagine myself as a forever employee then living a life of "isang kahig, isang tuka". I just can't! 😣 I'd rather die than to have all these happen.

I can imagine myself as an entrepreneur or investor with my own house and own car living in France or Italy. And I can travel for holidays freely with my love ones. Venice, living with me, is attending good school in France/Italy. My fur babies have their own rooms. I have my own restaurant in Italy, my beach resort in Palawan, and own fashion company in France. My wife has also her own business. Our kids are also attending good school. All of these are in the big picture in my head that I'll never forget. These are my goals - my big fat obnoxious dreams. 😜

——-

So help me God. I love you so much! Help me not to go astray. Keep me in the path that you have laid upon my life. Thank you for the love. ☺️ In Jesus name, amen!

Reminding Rove

"Behind every successful man is a supporting and loving woman."

Let's see if ハニー is the "woman" for me.

For me, it's simple: you just have to be loyal and faithful to me, and loving yourself first before others, then we're good. 😉

I just need to work hard and hassle all the way to be successful and get rich. In time, all labours will bear fruits.

"What you sow is what you reap." May it be good or bad, same concept.

I trust and believe ハニー. Now, I couldn't sense any 3rd party. I believe that she'll not do the same mistake again. Anyway, we have an agreement. ハニー will never communicate to her ex-kabits again in anyway and so do I to my ex. If anyone from us breaks this, we should call it quits. Nobody likes more dramas in life, right? A mistake when done again is not a mistake anymore but a choice. We both know that it's a waste of time to mend a relationship again when it comes to severing loyalty and faithfulness.

We're bestfriends anyway. ☺️ I love her as my bestfriend and I love her as my partner. This partner love should be put to action. Words without actions are useless. I just need to keep on showing her that my love and company is worth staying for. This means, I need to get rich so financials won't be a problem in the future. 😉

Anyway, God is telling me to just continue pursuing my goals and dreams. And the partner destined for me will show in perfect time - the wedding. If ハニー is God's gift to me, she will stay. If not, she is free to go. 😊

I trust my God 100%. Thank you God and I love you. ☺️

—-

Rove, remember:
Control your finances. Invest. Get rich!
Family first!
Then everything will follow.

Thoughts in a rainy morning

I should focus on my goals. Fightings and misunderstandings are just distractions.

Less drama, less bullshit.
Less bullshit, less problems.
Less problems, happy life.

Yes, I believe to the saying, "Happy wife, happy life".
But the wife should be mature and responsible enough to manage the family.

Well, I'm not in the "own family" goal/phase yet. There are more important things I got to do than flirt and flirt and think of love life. "Laman tyan muna bago landi."

I also believe that the right person stays. I am already in the phase "If you wanna stay, stay. If you wanna leave, leave." 😉 Life will be troublesome if you push a person to come/stay in your life. If ハニー is the woman God gave to me, then fate will find ways (BDO). 😆 And if you love the person, you'll give the person the freedom. You'll let the person grow. And that's my resolution to ハニー. She may look young but she's fierce. She's just kinda lost too. She needs to figure out herself first. And this is the thing nobody can help her. There are things that we need to do on our own - even I, no exception.

Even Thanos sacrificed his one and only love of his life - his adopted daughter - for his destiny. (Watch Infinity War if you wanna know what I mean. 😁)

Ayaw ko na pangunahan si God. It will not do me good. Been there, done that. Nothing good happened in my life and I just became frustrated and depressed. So I will just let God and Holy Spirit guide me to the path where I should be going. ☺️

——-

On the other hand, at the top of my head, I want to have good terms with my mother as much as possible. One time, I thought, if I am not mistaken, she's the fourth in the siblings. My grandmother died at the age of 60s I guess. The eldest sibling, Papa Kiko, died very young (20s) due to accident. 2nd, Tita Glo, died at < 65 because of stress. Tito (60s), 3rd, has now problem in heart. *knock on wood* God, please heal him and he may reach the age of 80+.

And I just thought, their family has early age death rate. *knock on wood* but I want my mom to look after her health now. I want to take her to her dream places as I don't want to have regrets in the future. 😢 My teammate, JC, did regret a little because he and her mom were supposed to go to Japan when she comes home as OFW from Saudi. But instead of her mom, alive and kicking, she was in a casket. 😭 It's very sad. I didn't even know what to tell to him that time. No words can console a broken heart from a deceased family. The light part, he still went to Japan, brought her mother's picture, and took selfies together. 🥺

——-

So my focus now should be family and getting successful/rich first before personal lovelife. Well of course, travels on the side. 😁

Short term goals:
- Invest to stocks/UITF
- Travels
- Own place/house/home
- Family

Long term goals:
- Other source of income (much greater than salary as employee)
- Investments
- Own family that includes house
- Travels