2nd time she wanted to break up

Maybe it's time to let go?

——

I went to Padaba tonight just to see her 'cause I was missing her. Then she told me that she wanted to break up because she doesn't have time for me. Nasasakal na raw sya. And it's better na single nalang sya.

I told her na if that's the setup she likes, she'll reply whenever she likes, she'll meet me whenever she likes, I'll let her. And asked her if she still wants to continue. She said 'yes'.

Now, I'm torn between holding on or letting go. It's already a red flag that she'll only spend time with me at her convenience.

I also realized that I might becoming controlling. 😞 The same way I did to my exes. I should change this.

Starting from now, I'll just reply to Anj whenever she'll message or call me. Para di ako maging controlling, I should be conscious to every little thing I will do that involves her. Pero syempre, I will still say 'no' when needed para di magmukhang ginagamit lang ako.

At the same time, mag momove on narin ako para di ako ma-attach masyado. And it will start this weekend, sa hike sa mountain province. Tutal 2mos palang naman kami at 5mos palang magkakilala. Di pa ganun kasakit siguro. Haha.

——

God and Universe, ilayo nyo ko sa mga maling tao. Nawa'y ipakilala nyo na sakin ang tamang tao sakin para di na ko magsayang ng oras sa kahit sino. Thank you and amen!

Whatever is meant to be, will eventually happen

God, I'm sorry. Kung meron man ako nagawa.

Please, ilayo nyo po ko sa mga maling tao. Ayaw ko na po masaktan. Ginawa ko naman lahat ng best ko. Pero parang laging sa maling tao ako napupunta.

Please give me a heart of discernment. Para malaman kung sinu sinong tao ang makakabuti sakin o hindi. Para malaman kung sinu sinong tao ang deserve ng love and attention ko.

Atleast habang maaga pa, alam ko na intention ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Para di na masayang mga oras namin. My time, my effort, and my love are precious. I don't want to spend it to just anyone who don't appreciate it.

God, I'll heal by myself. Pero sana pakilala nyo na po sakin yung tamang tao nilaab nyo para sakin. I'm getting old na. At okay lang sakin kung mag start kami sa friends. Pero sana sya na talaga.

Si Anj, di na ko sigurado kung sya ba talaga yung pinagdadasal ko. Hiniling ko sya sa inyo at sa Universe. Pero I don't want it to be one-sided love only. Masakit din sakin na ako lang ang nagmamahal ng totoo samin. Pero unfair sa kanya dahil baka makikilala nya pa yung nakatadhana sa kanya. Tatanggapin ko na hindi talaga ako yung para sa kanya. Ayaw ko na pagpilitan pa sarili ko. Enough na Rove. You've done your part. Kung para sayo, para sayo talaga.

Mag momove on na ko kay Anj. And it will start sa akyat bundok this weekend.

"If it's meant to be, it's meant to be."

"Whatever is meant to be, will find its ways to you."

No more bare minimum

Anj is on and off. It looks like she's really doing what she said "wag mo na ko ichat or icall". She's really cutting all comms then ghosting me. She has until 11pm tonight to talk to me, tell me what she really feels and thinks, and decide what are we gonna do moving forward. If she'll not respond till 11pm, I will treat it as she's really ghosting me. Then I will stop messaging her. I don't deserve bare minimum communication and effort.

Rove will put thyself first. Mental health first.